Fountain of Love

My daughter's enthusiasm...

2012-01-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

I don’t particularly like grocery shopping. It’s not that I’m absolutely opposed to it- and there are some fun elements (for instance, getting a great deal, or balancing a budget, or shopping with my mom and getting to spend time with her), but…it messes up my day. It sacrifices time that could be spent at home, getting stuff done. And I know that I have no room to talk, considering the stores I use on a regular basis are all within 5 minutes, and typically, I’m there and back (try to keep it to 1-2 stores) within an hour. Milk is a separate trip (also about weekly), currently, and takes 30-45 minutes. I know some of you spend more than that amount added up just in your driving. But anyway…

Once a week, I plan on it happening, and just look forward to having it over with. At least, that used to be the case. I get us ready to go early in the morning, and accomplish various odd-jobs with Vivi till Timothy’s taken his first nap. As soon as he’s up, we bolt and try to be back before he’s exhausted and ready for 2^nd morning nap.

Last time, though, I was really blessed by Vivi’s enthusiasm. She’s always loved grocery shopping (at least, since she was about 6 months old…and especially over the past 9 or so months), or going places with me in general. The older she gets, the more she expresses that. Ben’s offered before that while he’s working at home I could leave Vivi and just take Timothy if I wanted….but that’s definitely not an option; Vivi loves it too much. For some reason, her enthusiasm really struck me on our last trip.

She was pretty sure she knew where we were going when she saw we were going somewhere without daddy. And when I turned the car in the direction of the store, she had no doubts- and she got really excited. She laughed and made excited noises- and if she wasn’t buckled in her seat, she would’ve been dancing. She talked happily and excitedly all the way to the store, while I chatted back about what all she was going to help me get, and so forth. We had so much fun, Vivi and I. We were spending time together doing something that she loves.

And suddenly…I love shopping. I’m looking forward to our next trip and the one after. It isn’t just a hurdle in my morning anymore- it’s an opportunity to spend time with Vivi. A chance to let her know what a big helper she is, as she holds my lists for me, talks to Timothy and does other odd things. It’s also a chance to share with her why we buy what we buy, and how we like to prepare our foods. She anticipates getting to eat certain things when we get home. And, it’s a chance for her to say hi to lots and lots of people (whether or not they say hi back doesn’t daunt her- though she loves it when they do). Viviana soaks it all in, loving every moment of it. Me too.

Since I’ve had the option of leaving Vivi home with Ben, one of the main reasons I’ve opted to always take her with me is the training field- besides that we just aren’t ever separated. I don’t want to someday have to take her and multiple other children with me for some reason, and have them all have no idea how to behave in the store…and thus, be overwhelmed and stressed. Certainly, that’s been an advantage- she is very well behaved in stores, and knows what to expect- but that’s only been a small part. I’m richly blessed with a sweet shopping companion who makes the time enjoyable. And I am so grateful we get to shop together.

*So far, Timothy’s mostly just along for the ride- and I enjoy getting to wear him. We’ve finally turned a curve so that it’s usually a happy curve, since he’s sliding into a beautiful sleep routine, equaling the ability to shop when he’s well-rested. But I smile at the months to come, and wonder what he’ll think of shopping.*

Menu Plan 1/23/2012-1/30/2012

2012-01-23T04:49:00.000-08:00

having fun exploring mom's cupboards with daddy....

cute as can be!

Well…here we are at the beginning of a new week already! :-) Last week, Vivi and I ended up doing a ton of “extras” in the kitchen, which was a lot of fun. Ben started student teaching, and with him gone all day, it’s been fun to work out a new routine for the kids and I. So far, something Vivi and I have really enjoyed, is working in the kitchen together. It’s been fun to pass things on to her and teach her as we’re going, too- such as explaining why we wash and soak the beans (a process she loves!). So far, we’ve been spending at least part of both Timothy’s morning naps in the kitchen, making dinner and/or extra stuff. Today we started a sourdough starter- we’ll see if it gets anywhere this week! Otherwise, though, I don’t have too many extras this week…planning to focus more on sewing and housework, but we’ll see. The kitchen’s a very tempting place….

We officially have till Saturday left of the grain fast, but I partially broke mine this past Saturday. I was having some (minor) physical issues towards the end of last week that I wondered if could be caused by diet, so made a batch of soaked tortillas and have eaten some of those. Not sure if that was the issue or not…or sub-products of not eating grains, such as consuming less fats or not getting enough of the right kind of proteins. I still have been limiting my grains since then (about 1 tortilla a day, toasted with butter), to sort of carry out the fast with Ben. I felt like just the week fast had positive results, though- I can’t wait to get back to baking since we have way too many good recipes currently tossed to the way side- but at the same time, I feel like I haven’t been as much of a grain-addict, and after the first several days, started craving them less. I’ve also (currently) lost the desire to eat any yucky grains- store bought breads, white products, white tortillas, etc. We’ll see how long that lasts… :-D The sugar fast is starting to get a bit easier, too- though, again, there’s lots of yummy things I’m looking forward to making again. Especially since Ben’s bringing home fresh milk today. And absolutely nothing beats homemade ice cream….current addictions is lightly sweetened with a small amount of honey, with peanut butter and homemade chocolate chips. Yum!

By the way- the alfredo chicken sauce over broccoli and cauliflower, lightly steamed, was incredible. It will definitely be seeing the table again soon- next time with a side of a hearty bread! We don’t do pasta super often, since it’s something I haven’t really made from scratch (did a few weeks ago for the first time, and hope to again…but it’s time consuming enough that it doesn’t change the factor of not eating pasta often), so I don’t feel very good about preparing it for our family. Plus- it’s not Mexican. Which isn’t a total crime….but it certainly makes it much less necessary. :-D

Anyway, here’s what’s cooking:

Monday- grilled chicken pieces (probably broiled, and from the freezer), oven fries, salad, pineapple

Tuesday- taco salad- new recipe from a Taste of Homes cookbook

Wednesday- Graber’s, green bean salad

Thursday- steak (yes, again- I’m feeling rather uncreative, and there’s a lot of them in the freezer), mashed potatoes, salad, veggie

Friday- White Chili

Saturday- Taco pizza (with sauce from the freezer)

Sunday- Carmichael’s, TBD (Yes, my family’s is usually officially that way- being in on the menu plan and general plans, I usually plan according to what mom is…or help with the meal there…or bring the whole meal….or sometimes we just mooch. I figure it all balances out!)

My Current Thoughts on the Baby Carriers in My Stash

2012-01-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a friend's "prodding", I thought I'd share about some of my various baby carriers and what I do and don't like about them. It's no secret that I have quite a stash....or that there's a few more I'd like. That's what happens when your passion is also turned into your hobby. :-) You might not believe it, but I'm actually not a spender...I rarely spend money (besides on groceries) and when I do, I agonize over whether I should or not and weigh all the pros and cons. I'm just not the type of gal that likes to go out shopping and come home with a bunch of stuff. I own the shoes and clothing I need, and don't often add to the collection. So baby carriers are my one weakness...although I still don't add to my collection very often, or without significant thought. There.

As a disclaimer, I think I have a tendency to go through seasons- and what I'm loving right now might not be what I'm loving in six months or years. So, this post is in no way comprehensive...down the road, I'll learn better how to use certain carriers, I'll explore new ones, I'll possibly have different physical issues and strengths, my daily circumstances will be different, my babies will be different....etc. I'm just sharing what's worked for what so far in my babywearing journey- which hopefully has many years left!

Currently, I wear Vivi only occasionally- usually when she needs some close mama-time. Especially if Timothy happens to be sleeping down. Otherwise, I might meet her needs in other ways, such as reading to her on my lap.

I tandem wear sometimes- again, it generally corresponds to Vivi’s needs. I tandem wore almost daily the first month or so (once I was getting around), because Vivi had greater needs through the adjustment period. We would often go for a tandem walk. Now, she loves it when I take her outside and hold her hand, helping her walk around on her own. I tandem wear at the store occasionally, but not ever time. Vivi likes the cart a lot- sort of a “graduation” aspect to it all, I think. :-)

I wear Timothy a greater part of the day. He’s just starting to nap down more, so I can probably count on him napping down once a day, or every other day. He usually takes about 3 naps…and then typically falls asleep for the night either nursing or in a carrier, and stays with us for the night. Except occasionally, when I can leave him on the couch and creep away with just Ben for a while. (actually, I think we might be moving in the direction of that being the norm….he’s growing up!) I’m also hoping to be able to get to one of his naps being consistently down, so I don’t have to forfeit all Vivi’s naps once Ben starts student teaching. (she still requires being nursed to sleep at naps) Timothy sleeps really well on me, typically. He’s starting to get to a point of not being able to fall asleep in chaos, but generally Vivi’s (and others’) noises don’t bother him once he’s actually asleep, when he’s snuggled on me. That’s a totally new- and very nice!- playing field. When Timothy’s awake, I vary between wearing him, holding him, and having him on the floor with Vivi and I when we’re playing. We also have a bouncy seat he sometimes goes in when we’re playing/reading, folding laundry, or when I’m going to the bathroom. Vivi’s finally getting predictably good at “playing” gently with Timothy, which is so fun to watch and be a part of. She loves bringing him toys and piling up the blanket with her favorite treasures. So….he’s definitely down more than Vivi was, but, in correlation with his needs, is still up the majority of the day, in one form or another. Consequently, using supportive carriers is just as important with him as it was with Vivi- maybe more, since he’s heavier.

2^nd time around, I’m still so grateful for baby carriers and how the enable me to meet my baby’s individual needs. Timothy’s really different from Vivi, but still has reasonably “high” touch needs, and doesn’t just fall asleep at the drop of a pin. Baby carriers enable me to meet his needs and Vivi’s and usually get everything else done, too, since he sleeps well in them. (not that all our days go that smoothly and no one ever has to wait to have a need filled!) I’m grateful for the legacy my mom gave me and the jumpstart into babywearing- our days would be much more difficult to balance if I wasn’t a full-time babywearer! :-)

MOBY WRAP

I loved my (homemade) moby wrap for about two weeks after Timothy was born. Then he was 11 1/2 lbs, and we haven't used it since. If you have itty-bitty babies, it's nice. It's easy to use and accurately adjust; when you're just learning to wrap it's nice to have something that you fully put on before inserting baby. I first used it when Timothy was a couple days old- long before I was even able to get around much. It snuggled him in close, which he liked, and enabled me to stay caught up on thank yous or have my hands free to interact with Vivi. I used it interchangeably with the ring sling, using each a couple times of day at least. Another thing that was nice about being able to put it on fully before putting baby in, and take baby in and out while leaving it on is that if I just got Timothy in and he started crying, I could take him out without undoing all the time I spent wrapping, and try putting him in again once I felt like I had a better handle on what he needed. (For a mama who doesn’t like to let her babies cry and stands on her head and way over-works to make them happy (especially in the early days, when you’re totally still figuring them out), that’s a pretty big plus. It’s easy to not want to put the effort into putting a carrier on when Timothy’s fussy because of the chance of him screaming in it and feeling like I need to take him out and try something new. Because, as it happens, so far I’m two strikes for two on having a baby who, when fussy, calms down while being worn, However, on the down side, by the time Timothy was 11 lbs, he was heavy enough to stretch the wrap out enough while in it that it was really too loose if I took him out and put him back in.

All-in-all: if you have tiny babies, you might love it. If not, or your babies have a record of growing quickly….it’s probably not worth the money, even if you make one yourself. With small babies it is nicely supportive, because of going across both shoulders….it also snuggles the baby in well, keeping them close to you and fully supporting their head/neck, especially while sleeping. Overall, woven wrap is way more supportive.

RING SLING

I love my ring sling. It’s versatile and easy to get on and off. It’s also easy to adjust for nursing, typically. I’ve had discomfort issues with it with Timothy, though…I think if I had a size large (instead of medium) I’d use it more, as I’m usually (easily) able to get my mom’s large slings to work comfortably. Timothy’s a big baby- but still without the body control of a much older baby- which can make it a little difficult to fanangle him, especially in a smaller sling, into a nursing position. Another issue I’ve had is due to how strong and wiggly he is, if he’s tired and unhappy, for instance, he throws himself back and/or arches his back a lot, which calls for readjusting the sling. Not a big deal (and I don’t feel like he’s in danger of falling out, because our bodies are very in tune with each other), but eventually it gets to be a pain to constantly readjust until he settles down/falls asleep. This isn’t a problem with a woven wrap.

I anticipated it being my primary carrier with Timothy for the first handful of months, and that hasn’t been the case. Timothy’s really taught me that while what carrier works depends a lot on each mom, it also depends hugely on each baby. Not only their likes and dislikes, but also their size, physical ability, etc. 15lbs isn’t totally huge (I still enjoy comfortably wearing Vivi in spurts, who’s 27 lbs- and also tandem wearing), but when you wear most of the day, it does get to be a lot, and optimal support counts. So my woven wrap has become my best friend.

I still love my sling for it’s easy on-and-off, so I tend to use it if I’m not sure how great my chances are of getting Timothy to sleep, or if I know I won’t be wearing for very long (say, an hourish or less). I love it for shopping, because I can quickly get it on in the parking lot- a major plus particularly right now when it’s a bit frigid. If I didn’t have the sling, I would probably be tempted to wear a lot less, so don’t get me wrong…I love my sling. It’s great when I need to make breakfast or lunch or just want to vacuum the house- all stuff that’s generally under a half hour. Or if I just need some“where” to put him while I’m helping Vivi with something….and putting him down isn’t an option because he’s fussy.

When Vivi was just a bit younger and lighter, I loved the sling for hip carry for her. When she hit the stage of wanting up and down a lot, it was a perfect way to hold her when she needed it without spending a lot of time fiddling with a carrier. That way, it wasn’t disappointing when she wanted down 5 minutes later. I also had zero issues nursing her in it at a year and beyond. I still can carry her in it- but at 27lbs, it’s a load on one shoulder and putting her on my hip feels slightly lopsided.

Timothy’s in the sling as I write, bouncing on a ball….because it’s late at night and I’m tired and I’m really hoping we’ll be crawling to bed at some point- hence, he won’t be sleeping an entire length in here.

All-in-all: it’s a great carrier and I wouldn’t want to do without it. I probably use it daily, and like the wraps, I like that it forms to his body and supports him pretty well (unlike SSCs at his current stage where he doesn’t have perfect body control). If you like to babywear, but aren’t an addict (i.e. you wear a handful of hours a day or less) and/or your babies aren’t beastly, chances are high this could be a great all-around carrier for you.

WOVEN WRAP

Alright….my latest addiction. Timothy has totally made me a wrapper. The wrap is my favorite carrier for exercise and long periods of wearing- i.e. naps. It’s ultra supportive, so comfortable, and supports him perfectly. It’s only downside is the amount of time it takes to put on, but the more I do it, the faster I’m getting, anyway. Nonetheless, I probably wouldn’t be motivated to wear as often for the short periods if the woven wrap was my only carrier.

I recently found a new reason to fall even further in love with my wrap- back wrapping! Unlike SSCs, it totally supports his head and neck (even when they aren’t tucked in the folds of the fabric), so he stays completely nuzzled on my neck or back, depending on where I have him. A week or so ago, at first with the “help” (direction? I think I mostly just needed someone to tell me I could do it and that he looked good in it…and to help work out any kinks) of a friend, I back wrapped Timothy. Instant love. My only issue with it is if I don’t catch his nap just right, and he’s pretty fussy/over tired, I don’t like that I can’t put my arms around him and comfort him as I lull him to sleep….I almost always end up switching to front wrapping if he doesn’t fall asleep peacefully. Back wrapping is really awesome for so many reasons- cleaning bathrooms, mopping, giving Vivi a bath and any other bending chores are SO easy. I forgot just how easy they are- it’s pretty awesome. It frees up my whole lap for Vivi, enabling her to get as close to me as she wants- and enabling me to interact fully with her, without reaching around Timothy. It’s sort of like waking up one morning and discovering you’re super fit- way more fit than you ever were. Except I’m not. :-) It means no food-spills on Timothy when I’m eating or cooking. No risk of burning, either. I like interacting with him when he’s awake, so I enjoy front-carrying (and it’s fun to soothe him asleep in front sometimes), but if he’s just going to be sleeping anyway, it’s nice to be able to snuggle/touch him, and practically still have my whole body free. He usually nuzzles right into me and falls fast asleep. He’s also woken up happy and content on my back several times, now, and enjoyed looking around from his new little perch. If I had back-wrapped with Vivi as an infant, I could’ve stayed caught up on weeding our garden. (Theoretically. I’m not guaranteeing it would’ve looked perfect! But it would’ve been theoretically possible, something it wasn’t when I always had her in a front carry, which prohibited me from getting into a lot of the garden spaces very well- especially with the bulky ergo.)

I anticipate continuing to use the wrap a great deal with Timothy. I love it for front and back....the support is amazing, and I love how snuggly it is. I hardly ever leave the house without it, and would highly recommend it to anyone who doesn't mind a learning curve thrown into babywearing.

SSC (soft structured carrier)

I really like soft structured carriers for their support (putting the weight on your hips with the waist belt feature) and ease of use. It only takes a few moments to get one on. It was my go-to carrier during pregnancy, when just the idea of exerting energy to get Vivi in a carrier sounded exhausting. I love it as a 2^nd carrier for tandem wearing. I still enjoy using it to put Vivi on my back- especially since she isn’t likely to stay super long, and therefore it’s hard to want to spend the time back wrapping. I’ve also used them some with Timothy. I still prefer the wrap for sleeping, and in general with him, but if he’s wide awake and I just need to wear him for a little bit while completing a task, I’ve often reached for one of my SSCs.

I have an ergo, which I used with toddler siblings when I lived at home, and we’ve owned since before Vivi was born. I used it exclusively the first month or two of her life, because I was already totally familiar with it, and I needed ultra-fast with her. It worked well for nursing, too. However, it was bulky, and kind of a pain to have a separate infant insert. Hence, I didn’t use it with Timothy as an infant, and don’t plan to with others. Ben did, though….guys like buckles. It’s seen a ton of use, and will continue to. Now that I have a beco (see below), it’s more officially “Ben’s carrier” and something I just use occasionally.

I also have a beco butterfly, which Ben got for my birthday in November. I’ve really liked it so far. Overall, I’m pretty sure I like it better than the ergo, but I feel like I’m still figuring it out, since it’s only recently starting to work well for Timothy. I like that I can put it on and easily get Timothy in and out- I’ve used it for shopping once or twice, and this was nice since, if I wore one, I could put it under my coat and still get him in, and it didn’t take very long at all to get us situated. With 2 non-walkers, I need to get Timothy securely in a carrier in the parking lot, so I can carry Vivi easily without risk of dropping anyone. :-) (Side-note: Vivi isn’t exactly a non-walker anymore! She took her first steps about a month ago, and is slowly gaining confidence and walking more. She has yet to take off 100%, though she loves walking holding my hand, even outside and on rough ground.) I also like that if he does fall asleep in the Beco, I can also take it off without taking him out- I’ve used this feature a couple times when he fell asleep on walks, and it seemed like he would get too hot in his snow suit bundled against me- so I put him and carrier on the bed and he slept through the transition. I also like that I can put it on Vivi (like pants, sort of), and then hoist her and carrier up on my back, so I don’t have to bend way over to get her on, when I have Timothy in the front. I also really like that it’s higher than the ergo, so Vivi can’t lean as much- I was using the ergo for her recently after mostly using the beco lately, and noticed a huge difference in how my back felt- I’m pretty sure it was a carrier difference. I don’t love that there are more buckles and adjustments to deal with. One is particularly hard to adjust because of how they have it wrapped, and so I’m not sure that I’ve yet hit on the perfect adjustment- I’m too lazy to keep playing with it, and especially to have to find different spots for Vivi and Timothy.

Overall, I think I would tend to recommend the beco over the ergo to people now. I would also strongly suggest checking out the Boba 3G- which I haven’t tried and don’t own, but have heard some pretty rave things about. (Sorry if you’re one of the people I’ve sold on the ergo! :-) It’s still a great carrier…and I wouldn’t have any issues with mine if other companies hadn’t come out with other ones. If you are able to get an ergo cheaply (definitely more likely than getting one of the others cheaply, being more popular) and are interested in a SSC, go for it. But if you’re going to pay full price anyway, definitely consider other options.)

MEI TAI

Honestly…I haven’t used this one much lately. I have a Kozy Carrier, and I do like it. But I find my soft structured carriers to be more supportive, generally, so I tend to just use those. I was thinking recently, though, that it could be really nice for tandem wearing, because you can put the straps where you want them- I have issues with everything being rather uncomfortable and straps falling off my shoulders and others digging into my neck when tandem wearing with a SSC and something else. So I’m hoping to give this a shot soon, and it just might become a frequently-worn carrier.

I also liked it during my 2^nd trimester of pregnancy, because it’s easy to put on, but didn’t have the issue of a belt going right around my bulge and just making me look fat.

WRAPPING IT UP (no pun intended)

Saying much here would probably be repetitive of what I’ve said elsewhere in the article, so I’ll just sum up really quick. If I absolutely had to pair down my collection and could only have a few carriers, I would currently choose a ring sling, woven wrap and SSC. I use each of those often enough on a regular basis to completely merit their staying around.

What’s your favorite carrier(s) and why?

Menu Plan 1/16/12 - 1/23/12 (grain and sugar free)

2012-01-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well...I have way too many ideas for blog posts, including some that are just about done- but my computer access has been very limited the past week or so, so most of it's still in my brain, waiting for it's turn to get here. But...since I don't have anything to do for dinner till the end, the house is picked up, Ben's outside with Vivi and Timothy's napping (talk about the stars all aligning :-)), I get a few minutes.....yay me!

We started our grain/sweetener fast on Saturday. So far, so good....except that there's a lot of things I'd like to eat. :-) Thinking of the grain fast in terms of only being two menu plans has been helpful for making it seem not very long. And since we'll be loosening up on our sugar fast mid-way through (like using a little bit of molasses to make bread and trying a recipe for chocolate peanut butter power balls sweetened with dates- I can't wait for that one!)

This Wednesday, Ben starts student teaching, which ushers us into a new era of life!

Monday- Grilled steak stir-fry salad (we don't have a grill pan, so I just stir-fry it on the stove- still delicious!) with homemade ranch...no sides, but maybe we'll get some smoothies out of the freezer later in the evening. EDIT: nevermind, I really wanted something else...so we had oven fries, too. :-) And smoothies are happening. ;-)

Tuesday- Carmichael's, chili (beans are soaking at the moment)

Wednesday- Graber's, Ben's birthday celebration bumped from last week due to illness there, so I'm still planning on refried black beans. Already made and in the freezer. We had enchiladas (from freezer) and the beans last Wednesday since it became a home night.

Thursday- chicken taco salad (lots of fresh ingredients, salsa, sour cream, seasoned chicken, refried beans)

Friday- Creamy alfredo sauce over chicken and steamed veggies, salad

Saturday- possibly Carmichael's....meal undecided.

Sunday- spicy cheeseburger soup (an experiment, because I usually use flour to thicken it, and this time I'll be trying arrowroot, since flour's a no-no), salad

Extras- yogurt, possibly more seasoned nuts of some kind, BLT soup for lunches that are leftover-less, beans for meals and extra for the freezer. I'm not sure if there's anything else....I'm keeping my goals pretty realistic this week. :-)

Time's up! So...hopefully that's more or less everything. :-)

Ocean

2012-01-11T07:14:00.000-08:00

“... because if grace is water, the Church should be an ocean” –Jefferson Bethke

Grace is the water which brought life
To the arid soil
Of my heart;
It is grace
That washes over the stains
Of my soul,
And brings me to the harbor
Of my Father’s arms.

I want the water to overflow the bounds
Of my heart,
To pour into the lives
Of those I love.
I offer my heart to you,
My friends,
But sometimes, as I stand here,
I feel more like an oasis
Than a part
Of the ocean
We were meant to be.

Where are the waves,
Oh Church?
Where are the rivers
Of mercy,
Unfathomable,
Unstoppable?
Where is a love
So deep
No wall could stand against it?

We should be the ocean.
The waves should swell
With grace,
Should roll
With grace,
Should roar
With grace.
May we drown the deserts,
Oh Church;
May we seal the craters we’ve created—
May we bring the life
They long for,
Filling, at last,
The hearts that thirst for love.

Playing with Your Kiddos

2012-01-11T03:31:00.000-08:00

Vivi’s growing up, and becoming such a toddler! One result is that she loves to play…whether it’s with toys or stuff she finds in cupboards, she enjoys getting down, exploring, and playing.

So over the past several months, I’ve been working at getting better at playing. Playing is a weak point for me…I’m not good at it, and it takes a lot of effort to figure out how to play and be creative. So I feel like Vivi’s been entering a stage of life outside of my comfort zone as far as relating to her goes. I’m working at it, because it’s still important to me to spend a lot of time with her. She still enjoys doing things with me, and helping me with my various tasks….but she also loves to play- so if I want to get in plenty of time with her, I’ve gotta figure out this whole creative play thing. :-D

For Christmas, we splurged and bought Vivi a wooden kitchen, and my mom got her a set of playware to go with it. Vivi absolutely loves it. She spends a substantial amount of time playing with it- and always pats the floor and asks Ben and I to “sit!” and play with her….an irresistible plea. It’s fun to see her enjoying a toy so much as she continues to grow up. She hasn’t really gotten into babies yet, so most of her play (here at home, anyway…grandparents have much more variety of toys!) has been either with pots/pans/spoons, Tupperware, exploring closets and sewing buckets, baby toys and wedgits. So, the kitchen is a little different- being more of a “pretend play” item.

She loves it as much as we thought she would….but there’s been an unexpected blessing, too- it’s helped me play with her. I might not be creative….but I know how a kitchen works. My play might look awkward…but I can pretend I’m doing my typical deal in the kitchen while playing with Vivi, and making her day. And then Vivi can join me in my kitchen…. :-) Playdough’s something else we’ve played with more the past couple months, which works well for us, too. Going outside is another great way for us to interact…play together, find things together (her ears and eyes are amazing- she always is the one to hear/see things first), etc. Personally, it’ll be nicer when spring hits….but Vivi doesn’t see things that way. :-)

I hadn’t ever thought of it before…but having tools you can play well with is really helpful in playing and spending time with your kiddos. I’m keeping it on file in my memory, and sometimes I might not hesitate to invest in something I know I could enjoy doing with Vivi or Timothy.

What are you good at? What realms are you creative in? How can you work into your child’s life and interests, in addition to working them into yours?

Menu Plan 1/9/2012 – 1/15/2012

2012-01-10T03:49:00.000-08:00

As I’m continuing in the excitement of changing our diet and working on even healthier living than before, I’ve been contemplating over the last few days not doing so much at once that I get burned out. And quit it all. I can tend to be a “jump in” kind of person, once I’m certain that one route is the way I want to go. So I’m going to work on purposely pacing myself and my experiments in manageable chunks, so that it’s practical to fully integrate them into my daily life. For instance: I’ve been reading about fermented drinks lately, and I can’t wait to try some of it. It sounds healthy and like it could be a good source of energy, and a good thing to supplement for some of our water intake. But I think I’m going to try to wait a month or two before experimenting in that direction….till soaking/sprouting grains and beans, consuming more veggies, etc. are habits I could do in my sleep.

On to what’s happening in the kitchen this week….

Monday- rotisserie chicken, potato salad, soaked bread, stir-fried broccoli and peppers (amazing meal, by the way….all of it)

Tuesday- Carmichael’s (my family’s)…I know we’re having chicken salad (as in, salad with chicken in it- there’s always confusion between that and the chicken/mayo sandwich deal :-)). I think I’ll bring sautéed sunflower seeds and hard boiled eggs to add to it.

Wednesday- Graber’s (Ben’s family)…and celebrating Ben’s birthday with fajitas. I’ll bring black refried beans.

Thursday- Ben’s birthday….Mexican rice/black beans/seasoned beef stacks (do you see a trend here?) with plenty of fresh veggies. Raspberry cream pie for dessert.

Friday- Steak, potatoes, salad, green beans (grill extra steak for steak stir fry salad next week)

Saturday (start grain/sugar fast)- probably Carmichael’s again. I’ll probably just help with dinner prep over there (we usually go to family’s mid/late afternoon)….no plans on what we’re having

Sunday- church fellowship at Graber’s….we’ll do black refried beans/sour cream for the potluck. Might bring something veggie-laden, too, depending on my supply by Sunday- it’ll probably be low.

Extras for the week: cream cheese and whey (experminet- check!), 1 gallon yogurt, lacto-fermented mayo (experiment), chili lime almonds, possibly 5-10 lbs sprouted grain (need to borrow my mom’s dehydrator for that one). And broth made with the bones from the rotisserie chicken....which makes the best broth ever.

Breakfasts: fruit or chocolate green smoothies (every breakfast), breakfast burritos, scrambled eggs, cinnamon rolls (for Ben’s birthday), possibly granola one more time before the fast.

Lunches are usually leftovers as much as possible. :-) When you consume an incredibly yummy diet, everyone loves leftovers!

What I Fed My Daughter (and the rest of us) For Breakfast

2012-01-04T03:35:00.000-08:00

Creamy, chocolaty-peanut buttery goodness….and 100% healthy! It also works with our upcoming sugar and grain fast- I foresee this making the breakfast menu at least once or twice during that season!

I’ve been experimenting with green smoothies this week, as part of our incorporating more veggies in the diet. And today’s was super delicious. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be able to survive the sugar fast now, because I don’t have to give up chocolate all together. Yay!

Loaded with veggies, protein, healthy fats and fruit, it’s a balanced all-around winner. We ate it with an egg casserole from the freezer, but it’s really filling, so it’d work by itself for breakfast, too. If you have a source for pastured eggs, you could try throwing in a couple of those, too- we’ll be trying that soon! I really love that this and other green smoothies get so much lettuce and other greens in Vivi, since she still can’t chew up lettuce very well, so what she gets is pretty minimal. She gets a pretty large “salad” drinking the smoothie, though!

Green Chocolate-Peanut Butter Smoothie

-a handful of dates (about ½ cup…I soaked mine overnight in water, because they’re really old and kind of hard- if you have a Vitamix, though, you probably wouldn’t have to…and soaking for just a little while would work, too. You could exclude the dates altogether; we’ve found that they make a nice counter-balance to the bitterness of the greens without adding sweeteners.)

-6 cups of slightly-smashed-down greens (Excluding kale or spinach….this week we’ve been using endive and red leaf lettuce, next week I’ll get something different to experiment with. I like doing a mix so we can get variety without it being too bitter.)

-Plenty of milk (1 ½-2 cups, probably)

-Heaping spoonful coconut oil (2 TBL)

-Several spoonfuls cocoa powder (1/3-1/2 cup)

-2 large spoonfuls peanut butter (1/4-1/3 cup)

-4 bananas, frozen or not, or a mix (depending on consistency you want- we used frozen)

Blend up the dates in their soaking liquid, or in some of the milk. Add ripped up greens and milk, blend well. Add remaining ingredients, and blend again. Dish up and enjoy! -fills 6 cup blender-

New Food Goals! (coinciding with the new year, but not exactly for it)

2012-01-03T03:35:00.000-08:00

My focus has shifted more to the kitchen in recent months, especially the past month or so. In part, probably, because of a season in there of having more computer time (nursing/bouncing (on exercise ball) Timothy late at night when everyone else was in bed), but not being able to type very well. So I got into recipe browsing (and have become addicted to and infatuated with food ;-)), and as I started collecting a mega-stash, I got excited about not only trying new recipes, but incorporating healthier practices, and in general, moving more towards a Weston Price type life style. And, we’ve been wanting to step up our health, anyway. And it wouldn’t hurt to loose the last few pounds of baby fat, either! :-)

So, my current mental focus (the thing I think about most with spare thoughts) is food and health. And consequently, that’s the focus of more of my “extra” time. I’m still working on finding the balance with everything and making sure that it is just taking up extra time, and isn’t detracting from Viviana and Timothy. Trying to find the balance of nourishing my family physically, without sacrificing nurturing them emotionally. Because our physical health is really important…but my family’s emotional well-being is even more so. And I’m not super-mom. It’s been good to work on….I’m not perfect, but I try to work at breaking away from everything (and going for a walk, or tandem nursing, or reading to/playing with Vivi) when I feel my stress levels rising because of being too wrapped up in something when Vivi and Timothy both need me, and are making that well-known.

It raises plenty of questions about what this food journey will look like down the road as our family grows and/or family dynamics change- and challenges me to not judge other people for where they’re at in nourishing their families! I’ve noticed that all the real-food/Weston Price blogs/sites I’ve seen are done by small (or young, growing) families….which makes me curious as to what it looks like when you’re feeding an army everyday. While I hope that in general, we’ll continue to strive towards greater health in our journey, I recognize that in the ebb and flow of life, there’ll be seasons for going backwards for a time. Like buying pre-made dressings for a month after Timothy was born, along with canned beans- stuff we’d totally gotten rid of for several months prior to his birth. But if buying dressing meant that I was motivated to provide a salad at all our dinners, then it was worth it to me. And now life’s settling in, and we’re climbing back on the band wagon. Seasons. Ebb and flow. The month or two didn’t ruin us….it just gave a reprieve as I enjoyed and focused on my babies and settling into life. And now we’re ready to jump back in where we left off, and add some new things, too!

Some of my main food goals for the upcoming months:

-Eating more veggies, including getting much more creative with how I prepare them, and finding ways to hide them in non-veggie dishes (this has been fun, and we’re eating more veggies than we ever have before!)

-Soaking (the Nourishing Traditions way) all our beans.

-Soaking (most of) our grain foods, and continuing to make all of those from scratch. This includes keeping sprouted wheat made up and on hand for times when I can’t soak something ahead of time.

-Eating more varied breakfasts.

-Consuming less sweet stuff, and appreciating other flavors more when I’m craving sweets.

-Eating more eggs…as their own thing, but also in stuff (like loading our ice cream with eggs).

-Experimenting with more Nourishing Traditions practices as I run into them.

-Cutting out remaining processed foods in our diet. Current one in the works: mayo (which we use a lot of!).

-Consuming plenty of yogurt…and trying to do other homemade milk products, like whey/cream cheese.

-Consuming bone-in meat and/or homemade broth on approximately at least a weekly basis.

After Ben’s birthday on the 12th, which is the last celebration in either of our families for the next few months, we’ll be doing a month long sweetener fast, the first two weeks of which we’ll also be doing a grain fast. I know it’s going to be hard, but I’m kind of excited, too….it feels like going cold turkey off some of that for a while will help to kick us full throttle into some of our new goals, and give a dividing ground for eating better. For instance, not eating grains will force me to do more with veggies, to make ample side dishes. It will also help me to be creative about doing meals without grains, which hopefully means once we start back, I’ll either be good about remembering to soak stuff, or be creative enough to do without if I don’t….and I bet I’ll get good at remembering pretty fast under that plan!

In light of all that....there'll probably be some more food-related posts in the near future. And I just *might* even get into sharing some of our menu plans. :-)

So….those are the directions we’re currently moving in! How about you? Did you create any goals/resolutions for the new year? What’s your current focus?

Encouraged

2011-12-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

our new family of four....

I’ve wanted to get back to writing….for quite a while. But time and ideas haven’t been very abundant. Or I feel like there are things I want to share…but don’t know how to. I keep tripping over my words….even in trying to share my thoughts with Ben (which is usually very clarifying) I feel like I just muddle around and don’t convey anything. :-)

Life has been very full the past 6 weeks. Full in a good way…an abundant and blessed way. And full in a stretching and challenging way.

Timothy’s been such an incredible addition to our family! And it’s been really sweet to watch Vivi become a big sister and see how much she’s matured. Just this week, she’s started to interact more with Timothy (nicely, yay! that’s been a work in progress…). She tells him about kitty-cats (her favorite thing to talk about- and no, she didn’t get her love for cats from me!)…and she smothers him in kisses. She tickles his toes and shows him her books. And Timothy smiles and coos back at her….already growing enamored with his big sis.

Timothy’s changing so constantly, and growing so fast….what works one day is bound to not work the next. :-) He’s very similar to and very different from Vivi…with his own little set of challenges and blessings.

Family walks are a lot of fun- with Ben and I both having a head peeking out of the tops of our coats. Family walks when, in spite of having two kiddos with us, we can hold hands and catch up on the day.

I think our days are settling into a pattern of sorts- one that changes every time Timothy does! He gets most of his sleep in the woven wrap, although sometimes he naps down in the playpen for a while….and once in a very rare while, he naps for an hour in there. While he sleeps, Vivi and I usually tackle the day’s jobs- laundry, cleaning, cooking, sewing, or whatever else we have up our sleeves. We also play, and read books…reading’s become a favorite activity of Vivi’s! I enjoy getting to interact with her quite a bit- entering her world, and letting her enter mine. I’m working at becoming more creative so I can better “play”….I’m not very good at it. ;-) When Timothy’s awake, we tend to read quite a bit more (it makes a great nursing activity if I’m not tandem nursing!)…and otherwise Vivi tags along and helps with Timothy or joins her daddy in his work arena for a while.

We’ve slowed down life so that more of our evenings are at home, which is fun. Recently, desiring to feel more connected to Ben, I started pondering what it is that makes “dates” (even though Vivi, and now Timothy, tag along) feel special and help us to reconnect. After talking to Ben about it, we decided that the biggest thing is just not having to get up from the table, and not being in a rush to go anywhere or do anything (i.e. dishes/kitchen clean-up…since neither of us are procrastinators). So we’ve changed up our meals a little, and it’s been so much fun- and a huge blessing to our relationship! We’ve started making sure the kitchen is as cleaned up as possible before we eat (if I get behind in the afternoon, Ben always helps me catch up on prep-dishes), and bring the food all over to the table. Meals at home have become much more special and something to look forward to…for more reasons than just fabulous food! Ben’s also reading a devotional aloud, which has sparked good conversation.

Total alone time for me and Ben is scarce right now, but we went through this season with Vivi, too. And after Vivi goes down to bed I can usually get Timothy to sleep and keep him asleep in the wrap or my arms…and Ben and I get to chat, hang out, read aloud, watch movies, etc. So we still get to connect, at least…without much in the way of interruptions.

That’s on the perfect days. But we don’t have many of those. We have stretches of several nights in a row where Timothy’s up and fussy the whole evening- and Ben and I just hope that “tomorrow” will be the night we get some time together. I have days when I feel touched out….and just really want a shower- by myself- with the door shut. I have days when I let stress creep in and build up to frustration till I snap- and my family pays for it. I want to be a perfect mom who’s patient all the time…but I’m not- patience has always been a struggle for me. And time and again I beg God for more of the stuff…and to not let my imperfections scar my children. And then I fail. Again. And I might vent frustration off on Vivi because she’s not listening, and be less patient or less gentle than I want to be…even if it’s only the first wrong thing she’s done- because it’s the 25^th problem I’ve dealt with in a short space of time.

It awes and amazes me how forgiving Viviana is. How it doesn’t matter if I just snapped at her…she’ll still smile and blow me kisses and wrap her arms around me. She’ll still tell me everything there is to tell and get in my face and climb all over me. And I smile and cry at the same time because it’s so beautiful….but gosh, I don’t deserve it. And I want more than anything to keep such beautiful trust forever. But I know I’ll mess up again…so I cling to the hope that as she remembers my mistakes, she also remembers how much I love her under my humanness…and all the times I ask her forgiveness and hold her close…and the times I offer her the forgiveness and grace she gives so freely to me.

Being a mommy to two has challenged me in many ways. It’s stretched me to my limits. It’s grown me. In spite of all the mistakes, I know I’m a much more patient person than I was a few months ago…because I’m learning through the mistakes and everyday, I grow a little. It’s humbled me…and I think it’s even helping me to hold out more grace for others (weak point #2 for me). I think it’s also changed the way I think a little. Not the core things I believe in…not the heart at the bottom of my ideals. But how they play out? Definitely….multiples is just different, because I’m only one person.

I expected the issues of not being able to meet everyone’s needs at once to be more difficult to transition to than they have been. That’s been a blessing…but more than once, I’ve felt like I’m de-sensitized or something, because “this” should be freaking me out. And then I have to remember that not being bothered…and not freaking out…and handling things in an orderly fashion…is healthier for all of us, and just an unexpected blessing. I’ve left each of them while caring for the other far more than I would’ve ever dreamed of doing with just Vivi. I’ve left Timothy with Ben while nursing Vivi to sleep…even though he’s fussy- because I’m confident he’s only tired and that Ben will be able to soothe him well for 10 minutes- and because my other baby needs me, too. I’ve had to totally leave Vivi when she’s having a melt-down (because she’s exhausted and probably hungry and really just needs me) because Timothy just finally fell asleep and her noise is waking him up. And sometimes….on the long days when neither baby’s having a good day…I’ve had to leave just so I can take a deep breath and refocus. Because they need all the focus I can muster during all the other minutes of the day.

Timothy isn’t forever attached to me like Vivi was. I still wear or carry him most of the day, because it’s what he needs and generally the main place he’ll sleep fairly well. But I put him down, too. Often it gives Vivi and I some nice time together…or sometimes she’s napping and it’s total free time for me. And I’m realizing that’s okay… When it was just Vivi, there were two of us parents and only one baby. Which means that even though she received constant skin-to-skin touch (what she needed, personally), it didn’t always come from me….which is to say, I got breaks. With two little ones, even when Ben’s around, usually one of them is with/on me.

Ben and I have talked some recently (and then I read some great posts, like this one about the fact that attachment parenting isn’t always easy. It is beautiful…I absolutely love it. I love having my babies with me all the time. I adore co-sleeping. My baby carriers are my favorite toys. I love treating our children like real people- friends. And, I also believe the practices thereof are best for baby. Infanthood and childhood slip by so fast…and we want to pour ourselves into our kids in the ways they need. Lots of touch has definitely been a need for both Vivi and Timothy. Attachment parenting definitely meets that goal. But although I will continue to practice attachment parenting (or, instinctual parenting), and although I’ll continue to praise it’s virtues and encourage others in natural parenting…it’s kind of a relief to be able to admit that sometimes, natural parenting is difficult…and it was even more encouraging to read the post mentioned above- kind of like being given permission to feel human. Because natural doesn’t mean easy. A lot of aspects to natural parenting do make some things easier. Without the tools associated with it, like baby carriers and co-sleeping, we’d be lost. I wouldn’t get anything done, I’d be severely sleep-deprived, and Pizza Hut would probably find its way to our table pretty often. As it happens, our babies seem to need attachment parenting, so it works out for us- and is easier than trying to make them fit in other boxes. Nonetheless…that doesn’t make it actually easy. Because we’re all human…and sometimes it’d be nice to feel like I’m my own body…or to spend some time with just Ben.

Someday…as more lessons are learned….I’ll figure out better how to share where God has me. Hopefully, I’ll be able to continue to bless other moms in this season, as I share from my heart and figure out where God’s taking me. Maybe I’ll even keep getting better at coming across gracefully- thanks to Ben and life lessons…and a hungry desire for grace to be given back.

So on this new leg of the journey, I’m learning. And living. And stretching. And loving (almost) every minute of it.

Timothy's Birth Story

2011-11-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Timothy Stephen Graber,

We welcomed you into our hearts many months ago….and now, we’ve welcomed you into our arms and lives! You were born October 31^st at 10:52 pm. You weighed a healthy 9 lbs 4 oz, were 21 ½ inches long and had a whopper 14 ½” head.

I had a nice, leisurely pre-labor, having consistent Braxton hicks (5-10 minutes apart, mostly….but sometimes 15) from Thursday (the 27^th) through Saturday early afternoon. There were a couple spots where they tapered off and became sporadic for a few hours, and then would kick in at a consistent rate again. Saturday afternoon-Sunday contractions were just sporadic…the calm before the storm.

I did a lot of walking during those days, to help keep things moving and tone and prepare my body for labor. It was really exciting to know I’d be meeting you soon, but sometimes all the emotional energy that went into excitement and anticipation, thinking that maybe “this” would be the day things would kick in for real, and disappointment when they didn’t, got a little wearing. Sunday, though, I was able to let it go and move back to focusing on normal life instead of putting all my focus on when you might come. We had a great family day, enjoying a nice hike, and then went out to an afternoon dinner at Hometown Buffet with some friends of ours, the Moffitts and others, who do an annual October get together there.

Sunday night they were still sporadic, but increased in intensity to something like bad menstrual cramps. As soon as I woke up Monday morning, the day of your birth, they became regular, 5-10 minutes apart. At one point, they became a bit more sporadic, getting as far apart as 15 minutes. However, they still stayed strong, and increased some throughout the morning. So I thought that maybe we’d be meeting you in the next day or so.

It wasn’t till 1pm that things really kicked in and I knew almost undoubtedly I was in labor for real. I still didn’t think we’d get to meet you that same day, though- I thought for sure you’d be a November 1^st baby, not quite able to believe your labor could be so much faster than Vivi’s. Around 1, when I was nursing Vivi asleep for her nap the contractions started feeling like real labor contractions. Within an hour or so, they were intense enough that I generally had to stop or slow down what I was doing during a contraction.

After Daddy was done with work, sometime around 3, we went for a walk together. Vivi didn’t understand why we stopped every several minutes instead of keeping forward as she’d commanded! It was fun to spend the time with Daddy and Vivi, anticipating your birth and knowing for sure we’d be meeting you really soon! When we got home, I decided to lay down and rest some. The contractions were coming every 3-5 minutes, and by 4 had started getting even stronger. Between 4 and 6 they continued to get stronger and stronger, and Daddy started working to get everything ready. I had tried to get the house fairly ready (cleaned up, all the laundry caught up, etc.) earlier in the day….but Daddy had his hands full filling up the pool, laying out table cloths (to keep the floor dry), helping Vivi, and doing various other odd jobs. He was a great labor mate, and helped me in so many ways!

At 6, I called Cindy Rogel, our midwife, to update her on where things were at. Contractions were getting pretty difficult to deal with, so I decided to try getting in the pool and see if they would still stay steady, or if they tapered off too much. Since it wasn’t very full yet, Vivi came in with me for a while, too, and I spent quite a bit of time nursing her. It was helpful to be able to nurse and snuggle with her for a while….she thought my labor was hilarious for quite a while, but having a mommy who wasn’t available to her was getting to be a little much for Vivi by then. Somewhere in there, Daddy asked if he could call Grandma Carmichael to ask her to come (I’d kept her updated throughout the day), because he felt like things were really moving. She got to our house around 6:30, along with Brylee Kay. At that point, Vivi got back out of the pool, and I ended up following shortly. I was really enjoying the relaxation of the water, but my contractions were spacing out quite a bit, so I thought maybe it’d be better to wait and keep them coming faster.

Shortly thereafter, Daddy called Grandma Graber and asked her to come, which worked out really well. Vivi was starting to have a difficult time with things again, and a grandma totally focused on her was the perfect remedy. She was really excited to have both grandmas around! Around 8:15, Daddy called Cindy to update her and ask her to come, and somewhere around there, I got back in the pool, because I was having a hard time staying on top of the contractions again. This time, contractions stayed 2-3 minutes apart, even in the water. The water was so helpful in being able to relax. I was able to totally phase out and rest during the short breaks between the contractions, and just like during Vivi’s labor, Daddy held my face out of the water for me. The water helped take the edge off during the contractions, too, and overall, although it was hard work, I was fairly comfortable, and managed to stay on top of the contractions fairly well.

Somewhere around 9, Ben put Vivi down to bed for the night. She had a bit of a difficult time, but did much better than I expected, considering everything that was going on. He ended up being in there for 45 minutes or so with her. Around 9 as well, Cindy got there, and set up her stuff. After she’d been there for a while, I asked if she’d be interested in checking me soon, and she said she would whenever I wanted her to. She started getting ready to do so, so she could time it between contractions. Several contractions later, before checking me, Cindy commented that my last contraction had sounded a little pushy, and asked if I was feeling the need to bear down. I told her I wasn’t sure, but that I had never felt an urge to push with Vivi, either…I take after my mom. With the next contraction, I mentioned that I was feeling a lot of pressure in my bottom. Cindy was confident from the way I was acting and signs I was giving that I was about ready to start pushing, but offered to still check me if I wanted to so that I knew. I said I did. Around that time, Ben came out, so he was there when Cindy checked me and said I was fully dilated and pretty much fully effaced. She also checked the heartbeat, which was good and strong. I could hardly believe I was already so far along. Everyone else there thought we’d have an October baby after all, which shocked me….it was exciting to realize that I really might be meeting you in the next couple hours! Cindy directed me to wait a contraction or two, and then try bearing down gently for a few contractions and see how it felt before actually starting to push.

Around 10, I started bearing down. It didn’t feel like it brought any relief from the contraction, as it does for many women, but it didn’t hurt more, either, so after several contractions I shifted to real pushing. It took me a little while to get in a groove- the bag of waters hadn’t broke yet, and I felt like I had a hard time telling if the pushing was even effective at all.

Daddy was a great supporter the whole time- without him, I couldn’t have done it. The last hour was pretty intense for me, and I had a hard time dealing with the contractions and pressure very well. I felt like things easily got out of my control. But Daddy was such a good encourager, helping me to relax, to zone out between contractions, and reminding me many times that I really could do this. The rest of my birth team was great, too- reminding me of the miracle to come, and offering encouraging helps along the way. I didn’t expect it, because I have very positive memories of Vivi’s birth, and overall felt like it was a beautiful miracle, but some of the difficulties of her birth- especially pushing for 2 ½ hours, and holding her head in a full crown for an hour- became a bit of a mental hang up for me, even though I knew it was likely that your birth would be very different, being a 2^nd born. I almost felt paralyzed as the pushing progressed and I could feel your head coming down- afraid of how long the discomfort would last and certain I couldn’t handle holding you in a crown for an hour. But Daddy and the rest of the team encouraged me to keep going, and that it would only be a matter of a few more pushes before you were out. In retrospect, it was a good lesson in how much the mental effects giving birth. Although it still went really well, I think the last hour would’ve been even better, and easier to stay on top of (especially considering it really wasn’t all that long a period), if not for the sudden and unexpected mental hang-ups, and focusing on how long it *might* end up being.

Cindy ended up breaking my water for me, since we were so close to the end, and she knew feeling the “bone on bone” would help with the final pushes. It definitely intensified things, but it also made it a lot easier to feel what my pushing was doing, and feel you moving down, which was helpful.

I spent most of the labor in a hands and knees position (with my hands usually on the edge of the pool, in Daddy’s), because that felt like it relieved the pressure and contraction pain the best. Cindy asked how I wanted to deliver you, and I mentioned that I would prefer to deliver you sitting or squatting, so I could see you right away. But I also mentioned that at that point, that position wasn’t comfortable, so if I was still in hands and knees when you were born, I was okay with that…I’d rather be able to stay on top of contractions and push effectively. Once I could feel your head actually coming, I asked with every contraction whether or not you were in a crown yet. I still didn’t particularly like pushing, but it was hard to stop when the contractions were ended, leaving all the pressure just hanging there while waiting for another contraction to hit. Daddy and the water helped me to relax, though, even through the very end of the birth. Every time I started to feel a contraction coming on, I would lift my head out of the water, grab Daddy’s hands and say, “Okay, here we go…” Pretty soon we hit a full crown, and when you didn’t emerge all the way through with that contraction, Cindy told me the next one would be it. The next contraction didn’t bring a head, either, and I panicked that we still had a really long haul ahead of us, just like your sister’s birth, and wasn’t sure how I could keep doing it for an hour. 3^rd contraction, though, and a push that used everything I had, brought your head all the way through. I instinctively flipped over to a sitting/squatting position, and the rest of your body slipped out really fast, without any pushing. I didn’t even realize I had flipped over; later I said something to Daddy about Cindy having helped me flip and he said she didn’t….that I just moved myself. I guess my body knew what it needed to do, and I was so glad to be able to see you right away as Cindy lifted your beautiful body up out of the water. We could all see right away that you were a boy, and Grandma Graber and Cindy also noticed that your cord had broken right after you came out of the water, filling the pool with blood. Cindy put you on my chest and we wrapped you in a towel.

You were bluish, probably from the lack of oxygen with your cord breaking so fast. You did cry right away, though, and although you were quieter and a long time in opening your eyes, you still seemed to do really well with it. Cindy helped rub you down well and was watching you carefully….I remember asking her several times if you were okay. My after-birth contractions were really intense as my body worked to birth the placenta, so after a little while I gave you to Daddy for the first time. Daddy adores you, and was thrilled to meet you. Prior to that, Viviana had woke up, so Daddy brought her out to see us. She was a little bewildered at first, and cried as she fully woke up and tried to figure out what was going on….and why mama was still in the pool. Once she woke up, though, she was fully enamored by you. It was so special to watch Daddy introduce you to her, and see how excited she was about “baby”. She took you under her wing immediately, and was very protective of you. The whole rest of the night, she wanted to be right by you, looking out for you. The placenta took an hour to deliver, and between being really tired, and dealing with the contractions, mommy was a little out of it…but not so much that I didn’t enjoy getting to listen to your grandmas, Daddy, and Vivi meet and enjoy you. You got really alert for quite a while with them.

Grandma Graber held you while Daddy, Cindy, and Grandma Carmichael (who also had Aunt Brylee Kay) helped with Vivi and helped get me cleaned up, dressed, and settled in on the couch in the living room. Once I was situated there, I got you back, and you enjoyed nursing and playing at my breast. Vivi joined us, too, which was special- enjoying my two babies together for the first time. I also nursed Vivi some, though you weren’t interested at that point, so it wasn’t till Tuesday that I tandem nursed you two for the first time. I enjoyed snuggling with you and getting to know you while Cindy cleaned up the birth mess, prior to weighing, measuring, and checking you. It was probably 1 in the morning before Cindy checked you out- healthy and good to go! After that, Daddy took Vivi back to bed, and mommy, Cindy, and your grandmas chatted for a while. Grandma Carmichael also got to hold you for a while in there, while Brylee was playing with Vivi. Everyone left between 1:30-2:30, and around 3, Daddy and I settled in to sleep. You were really tuckered out from the birth, so you slept soundly, and didn’t start nursing much till the next day. You were so quiet while sleeping that I kept periodically nudging you to make sure you were okay.

I’m so grateful God blessed us with a beautiful labor and birth experience. I’m also thankful for the wonderful birth team we had, and how perfect they were for me. Daddy makes the best labor partner in the world, always sensitive to my needs, and always strong for me. Most of all, though, I’m just thankful for you- my beautiful and healthy baby boy! God’s blessed us so abundantly in choosing to make you part of our family, and we’re so glad you’re finally here with us! We love you, Timothy!

Love,

Mommy

A few hours old, and all snuggled in with a tired mommy...

Our first day together!

Introducing Vivi to Timothy for the first time....

*Note: for more pictures of our little guy, visit this link*

Babywearing Through Pregnancy (and a brief update)

2011-10-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

Double hammock carry in our woven wrap-24 weeks pregnant

27 weeks pregnant, hiking in West Virginia....due to a more mama-centric week than usual, I wore her a lot this week.

Bad picture, but...26 weeks pregnant and using our Kozy mei tai....and, we were at the Kozy Carrier warehouse helping out for the afternoon. How cool is that?!

38 weeks pregnant- everyone has their babies! :-)

It’s been a long time since I’ve written much of anything. Partially because of being busy, but mostly because of not being overly inspired on any particular topic. My thoughts are becoming consumed with baby thoughts…and the days are filled with normalcy, sharing life with Ben and Vivi. Challenges and blessings….changes and same-ness. We’re eagerly looking forward to meeting our little one, and starting a new season of life. Due date was yesterday, so any time now!

…

In the meanwhile, one topic that has been on my mind some, is babywearing through pregnancy. Especially now that I’ve hit the 40 week mark and can still wear Viviana. It looks different than it used to….it’s probably been at least a couple months since I wore her for more than 45 minutes at one time. It often only happens once a day, unless she’s having a really clingy day and I’m attempting a really productive one. Otherwise, she loves to play together, or spend time near me exploring the world herself. I still usually wear her when we go shopping, but have used the cart a couple times now. She thinks her new cover, and the new experience aspects are pretty cool! Of course, when I’m wearing her, I don’t have to worry about her eating random grapes off the display while I’m bagging ours… :-) But when she needs mommy snuggles…I’m grateful I don’t have to listen to anyone who tells me you can’t babywear while pregnant!

Babywearing has made it much easier to hold Vivi close when she needs it and I still need to finish something. With my large bulge and depleted energy, it’s much more practical to put Vivi in a carrier on me than to hold her (though I still end up doing hours of that per day, too- especially since we’re still working on the walking deal) with one hand and do something with the other. I don’t get tired nearly as fast when I use a baby carrier instead.

The ergo has been my standby in recent months, but we’ve also use the mei tai and woven wrap (double hammock position) a fair amount as well. I’ve pretty well stopped using the sling with Vivi, since I almost exclusively wear her on my back. Anything else works, but isn’t very comfortable- and she’s happy on my back anyway. She loves nestling in back there!

Although I did recently discover that at 38 weeks you can still nurse in the ergo (which means other carriers would be, too). I think I even surprised myself. :-) We were hiking (and Ben was wearing her) and for some reason she suddenly got really hysterical. It was obvious she needed her mama, and furthermore, she really wanted to nurse. I believe it was a teething-related issue, but regardless…she needed me and “niss”. There wasn’t anywhere to sit right where we were, and the ground was really wet, so I put Vivi on my front in the ergo, with the band below my bulge. Having to wear the ergo so low on my hips in order to avoid the baby bump put Vivi at almost the right height already- I just had to loosen the shoulder straps on one side, and reach my breast up to her a bit. Instant satisfaction for a sweet little girl…. Granted- it wasn’t comfortable, and I walked like a snail the entire time she nursed, but….I was so excited that it did still work, at least. It was still doable to meet my little girl’s comfort needs, in spite of being huge- many thanks to a great baby carrier!

I don’t share to elevate us. We are definitely not the first or only pair to keep up our wearing relationship during pregnancy….even if I haven’t gotten to see it in action around here (yet). I think on it out of an abundance of gratitude….I feel so blessed that God designed my body to be able to nurture Vivi in the ways she needs. I’m so grateful for His perfect timing, and that even though our two little ones will be closely spaced (17 months) I still have the energy, tools and support to continue meeting Vivi’s high touch needs. I know part of that is in being blessed with relatively uneventful pregnancies thus far, other than 1^st trimesters…no premature labors, bed rest, major blood pressure issues, etc.- and I’m very grateful for that.

I also wanted to share because babywearing through pregnancy- and tandem wearing beyond it- is really rare. I would daresay a lot of people would just assume you can’t do- especially if they’re told so by plenty of well-meaning people. In a society where wearing one is strange (and hardly ever seen), you don’t see pregnant mamas all over Walmart wearing their toddlers. Just like breastfeeding during pregnancy and beyond- more women need to know that they can do it. More mamas need to be told that God created their bodies for this season of life…and fully enabled them, with the right tools and mindset, to continue holding their toddlers.

*Disclaimer: assuming a healthy body and pregnancy, any woman should be able to do extended babywearing. However- in an imperfect world, I know plenty of women do have real health issues that restrict their ability to lift/carry anything, etc. It doesn’t make you less of a mom…and it doesn’t mean you can’t meet your toddler’s needs! There are lots of ways to get touch time in with your little one- babywearing is just one of those avenues. And lots of toddlers like to spend a lot of time exploring on their own, too, making babywearing something they wouldn’t want as much as Vivi does. The important heart behind babywearing….meeting your child’s emotional needs. Even a bed-ridden mama can do that, her relationship with her child(ren) just looks different.*

And lastly….for those moms who are interested, I know personally it’s really helpful to see how it actually looks for someone. Hence, the pictures. It’s not the one right way to babywear while pregnant….it’s really just the way’s we’ve found, through messing around, that are comfortable for my body. I know some women like to wear the waist belt of the ergo super high, on top of their bulge….same for mei tais- but I have yet to get good at tying that high. If you decide to try….play around with different carriers and positions till you find something that works for you and your little one. As long as it’s comfortable for both of you, and holds your toddler securely, you’re doing it right.

Happy babywearing!

40 weeks pregnant and in the double hammock....baking bread with mama! Double hammock works really well for avoiding the belly bump.

Confessions of an Imperfect Mom

2011-09-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve had this sitting unwritten in my draft folder for a long time. Sitting there, because I felt like it needs to be written. Blank, because I’m not sure how to write it or where to take it. I’m not even sure what exactly I wanted to accomplish in writing it, which is unusual for me…but I still feel like it needs to be written.

I think, at least partially…I just want other people to know I’m not perfect. Partially because I know sometimes it’s encouraging to hear about others’ imperfect lives. And partially…because I don’t want my ideals to keep me from being able to be real- from being given the chance to be accepted for who I am, even at my worst.

I want to encourage people and share high aspirations for motherhood. As a passionate idealist, I have strong ideas and high standards I hold myself to. I desire to be the very best mom I can be….sometimes in a radical direction. I cling to goals and ideas that seem to many to be impossibly unrealistic- I know, because people don’t mind saying so. I throw my whole self into this journey…my energy, my passion, my thoughts. It’s who I am…and in a lot of ways, I think it’s a good thing. I like it….I can’t imagine floundering through each day without goals and ideals to strive for. It helps me to think and rethink through what I’m doing, and what I believe in, and whether or not it’s the very best for our children. I’ll never reach them perfectly…but in striving, I’ll reach higher than I could’ve otherwise.

But my journey isn’t perfect…and like everyone else, it’s fraught with struggles. Because when I don’t uphold my ideals perfectly, I feel like a crashing failure. Many mornings after a long night I’ve indulged in a cry and begged God to help me be a better mother….to help me cling to what I believe and know is best. And yet…I fail again. And sometimes, it feels lonely….because I know that I should be living out my ideals, and what on earth would people think about me if they know that I fail? That I can’t even live out what I passionately believe in?

But, the raw and honest fact of the matter is that, although I strive for the very highest- although my dreams, ideals and ambitions are sky-high…I’m not there as a mom. I wish I could say that we perfectly practice everything I write about here…but I screw up. I wish I could say I had the patience of a martyr…but in the end, I’m just a human. I wish I could look back on my parenting journey with no regrets….but the truth is, there’ve been imperfect days- and especially imperfect nights.

There’ve been nights- when we’re up at 2 am for the 6^th time that night, or when it takes over an hour to get Vivi to sleep- when I wonder what it is that was so bad about cry-it-out. Yes, even though I have very specific reasons for being opposed to it.

There are nights when I get so frustrated with the constant wakings that my frustration turns into stress- and what would’ve been being up for an hour or two with Vivi turns into three, because my stress doesn’t exactly help sooth her to sleep. And it ends with me begging God for forgiveness…and patience to better nurture my little girl at night. And it’s only then that she finally drifts back to sleep “for real” and stays asleep for a little bit….safely nestled against a relaxed mama.

Nights when I don’t even enjoy nursing Vivi, and it’s just a chore…and I would just like space and sleep.

There was a night recently when Vivi was up around 5, crying. And instead of reaching for her and drawing her close, I lay there, paralyzed. Fighting an emotional and mental battle while the rest of me was still. I was frustrated….frustrated that for the past 7 hours, she’d woke up every time I started to drift off. I was desperate to be allowed to just fall asleep. And yet I knew…Vivi needed me. For whatever reason, she was having a hard time sleeping, and I knew she needed my help. But I also knew that if I picked her up right then, it would be in frustration, unless I got past myself…and that wasn’t going to help anyone or be very comforting to her. And, I couldn’t just break through my selfishness to take care of her needs…like a good mom would. Moms are supposed to devote their whole lives to selflessness…and I couldn’t get past this one little thing without a struggle…couldn’t just be rational. And then Ben came (who’s been sleeping on the couch for a long while, now, due to a severely irritating poison ivy rash that makes the living room more comfortable)…and patiently walked with and held Vivi for an hour and half…while I slept and cried and prayed. (Not the first time Ben’s helped in the night…he’s pretty awesome!) When Vivi came back to me, I was ready for her….ready to comfort and soothe and get back at it…

Somehow…I’ve had a harder time dealing with all the nighttime wakings lately. In general, I didn’t have a problem dealing with them when she was younger. But somehow, it’s harder to remember now that this is what she needs. In not remembering…I fail.

There are days when I find myself counting hours to bedtime…even though I want to cherish every moment with my little girl.

Days when I let stress creep in because I’m not getting everything done- even though I know how harmful it is to my family…. when I suddenly realize I need to stop- everything- and sit with my girl and enjoy her, because stressed-out me trying to get caught up while Vivi cries on my back for no particular reason isn’t helping anybody.

There are days when my shower’s a highlight, and I thoroughly enjoy the minutes alone….untouched, unneeded. Even though I’m passionate about babywearing and meeting little ones’ high touch needs, and believe that God gives the grace to fully meet our babies’ needs.

Days when I ask Ben why Vivi can’t be like everyone else’s baby we know and, on a “bad” night, wake up 3 times, instead of 10 or 12. And I have to be patiently reminded that she isn’t “everybody else”…she’s Vivi, with her own set of blessings and challenges…and she needs us to remember that, and to meet her unique needs. (Side note: I’m sure it isn’t everyone’s baby we know that has such good nights….it just feels like it when everyone you talk to has a similar story!)

Days when I’m all too eager to send her Ben’s direction for a while….while I regroup and catch up on stuff that Vivi was determined shouldn’t get done.

So, we have our moments…and brief times when I consider throwing in the towel on something that rationally, I passionately believe in.

But for the most part, life is good. For the most part, it’s a fantastic journey we thoroughly enjoy as a family. Usually, we have good days and we enjoy whatever gets thrown our direction. Vivi and I have lots of fun sharing life together…and most days are filled with pleasant memories- small and big- to cherish and hold on to. Most nights I smile as I pick up all Vivi’s messes…all the little reminders that she exists in our lives. Most nights I suck in my breath at how sweet she looks sleeping in the middle of our bed…and I enjoy all the midnight snuggles that accompany nighttime nursing. We grow and laugh and play together…and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. It really is my dream job…and it really is more wonderful than I could’ve imagined.

So I’ll continue….to nurture my family, to meet their needs, to throw out stress, to love life and laugh often, to cherish the little things that slip by too fast, to reach for the best. The thing is, it is a continuing process…continually picking up from a failure, dusting off, and with God’s help, trying harder. Continually moving towards being the better mom I so much want to be….but could never achieve on my own. Life is good, but we haven’t arrived.

Because when all’s said and done….I’m just a mom, and an imperfect one at that.

Organization and Home Management (part 2 of 2)

2011-09-01T04:45:00.000-07:00

(see here for part one)

The Folder Sections…

I hope that by now you’re fairly convinced that organization in the management of your home can be a great tool. So now I’ll go into detail with what I do in the various sections I’ve chosen. It’s all a work in progress that’s likely to get changed along the way. And the sections I currently have might not work for you, or you might need others. You might not do any summer preserving, or you might never go on vacations (and therefore not need to keep packing lists and food ideas). You might run a home business and need space for keeping up on different stuff with that. Blogging might be more of a regular thing for you, in which case you might like to keep a schedule of that. Your cleaning schedule will look a lot different than mine- chances are, if you have multiple children, you’ll need to vacuum more than once a week, for instance. So, gather ideas and apply them to what works for you and what your needs are.

Also, there are lots of options for how your notebook looks. You might do it on the computer…an idea I love, but which didn’t seem practical for me, since the computer can’t be moved. However, if you have an ipad or other transportable tool, this could be an option. You can do the binder like I do…or you could buy a notebook to be replaced when you use up all the pages. You can make it fancy or plain.

GROCERY LISTS

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. I personally don’t do anything fancy…I just have paper stuck in there, and keep a running list of what I need as I come across things I run out of. I also double check it/my pantry when making meal plans for the week. One helpful thing has been keeping lists for the places I order from occasionally- various bulk co-op orders. Previously, it’s always been a scramble when we decide to order, figuring out what all things I need. This way, I’ll already have a huge jump start when we order, and hopefully not forget too many important things….unlike the last time I ordered.

Some people like to make up printable check-lists of things they typically buy from various stores, to help make sure they don’t forget anything. I like this idea, except that what I buy is constantly changing as we continue to change our health habits.

MENU IDEAS

This section doesn’t have much….currently, just some lists of new recipes to try at some point. My plan is to eventually have a list of all the meals we eat, with room for adding new ones. That way when I’m feeling uninspired, I can skim through it and find something….too often, I tend to draw a blank on what we even eat! J Another idea that would be really helpful- especially as our kiddos grow- is to have every family member write a list of their favorite meals. It should pepper you with some good ideas, and help to get everyone’s favorites on, too!

MEAL PLANS/WEEKLY TO-DO LISTS

This section, too, is fairly basic- although it’s the one I write in and flip to the most. And if I had to give up all but one part of my notebook, this is the one I’d keep! If someone wasn’t interested in incorporating full-throttle organization into their life, I think menu planning would be the one thing I’d still say is more or less necessary….even if you can scrape by without it. J

I just have blank notebook paper in it. For every week, I date it at the top, and down the left side write the days of the week (one per line- I fit several weeks onto one sheet). I make note of anything special we have going on (potluck at church, going to family’s, etc.) that would effect what I do for the meal or when I get it done. Then, sometime between Friday and Sunday, I fill it in, and add to my grocery list while I’m at it. Sometimes I sit down in one sitting and fill it all out, sometimes I just jot down an idea when I have one over the weekend and don’t spend any concentrated time on it. I also ask Ben for ideas, which helps incorporate his ideas and takes some of the thinking off my brain! Sometimes I write out a couple weeks ahead, or if I have an abundance of ideas one day, at least start to fill in the next week.

Having it written out ahead of time helps in many ways. Not only does it save the time of coming up with what to eat or take somewhere every single day, it also cuts down on prep time- or enables me to prep food more healthily. If I know we’re having pizza, I can start soaking grain the night before. If I know what meat we’re having, I can get it out of the freezer to thaw ahead of time, so I don’t have to invest time in fast-thawing at the last minute. I can spend a minute here and a minute there working on dinner throughout the day, instead of saving it all for 4 o’clock and just hoping Vivi- and eventually future kids- is happy and content and willing to let me spend time focused on dinner. Taking into consideration that for babies, that’s the start of the fussiest time of day, it’s definitely a gamble! Ben finishes work early in the day; menu planning enables me to do my best to work with his schedule and do the meal prep ahead of time so I’m available to spend time with him and Vivi when he’s off, instead of still scrambling to get dinner on the table. It saves the time of having to think about multiple meal ideas because some won’t work due to the time of day and others won’t because I don’t have an ingredient on hand. It saves the time of multiple trips to the store, too, to rescue a situation.

And of course, it saves money….since it’s the 5 o’clock scrambles that cause many people to end up throwing in the towel and ordering pizza. I’m flexible with my menu plans, and if something has to change, it does. But overall, it helps to keep me on track. Typically, if I know what we’re having ahead of time, I can get it done no matter how hairy the day is, because I know what we’re having and that we have to eat….and therefore, that it’s my job to find a way to fit it in. Whereas, a hairy day that ends at 5 o’clock with nothing started and no brainy ideas….is likely to end with take-out. I’m not super mom, and I’m sure there’ll be days when things will go to pot. But thanks to planning, I think those days would be the rare exception to the rule….the rare day when special things come up, or when it really was “for real” crazy, or I’m miserably sick. Not something that occurs weekly or bi-weekly or something that’s almost predictable.

*Case in point: With a sick little girl (and now a sick momma) this week’s had lots of long, low-energy days following sleepless nights. And there was one day in particular when I know I would’ve threw in the towel because I was really exhausted and really didn’t want to spend time in the kitchen, especially since I’d had some running around to do during the day for commitments I couldn’t just bale out of. But meat was already in the crock pot- thrown in with a cream sauce that morning. Which kind of forced the issue of having to just finish up dinner prep! Since I wasn’t motivated, I’m glad my menu plan kept me on track.*

Along the right side of my menu plan I make a weekly to-do list. It generally gets added to throughout the week as things pop up, but it helps me to have a pretty good idea of what’s going to get accomplished ahead of time. I can also use that to help plan meals- for instance, if I’m planning on spending two days canning one week, I won’t have time to make elaborate meals on those days. My cleaning schedule is separate, but if I have anything extra I want to get done, not apart of my regular routine, I add it to the to-do list. Usually my lists are a combination of things that “have” to get done that week, and things I could get done if I have extra time. That way, I’m not caught with extra time on my hands and not knowing how to apply it…but on the other hand, often need to remind myself that I don’t have to complete the to-do list by the end of the week. I’m an idealist; my lists are almost always excessively long. Whatever I don’t finish, since usually there’s some minor projects or something, get carried over to the next week typically.

CLEANING SCHEDULE

I’ve only been incorporating this for a month or two, and I can’t believe I’ve let it slide this long….my house is so much nicer, and it isn’t even taking that long! I put together a cleaning schedule a couple months after we got married, while on vacation….but then I found out I was pregnant and by the time we got home, I was down with morning sickness. One thing led to another….for whatever reason, I let it slip to the back of my mind.

But…better late than never, right? Bascially, I just jotted down what I thought needed to get done daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly (or a few times a year). I’m still working out kinks, and I have some stuff in different categories that will probably get switched around as I do it for awhile and I see how things work out. I’m sure I’ll also discover things that need my attention that I didn’t think to put on the list when I first jotted it out. A new baby could bring changes, too….for sure, it’ll put the schedule on hold for at least a couple weeks, maybe longer. And things will change as the family grows- vacuuming once a week works for our family of three, I’m sure it won’t as we grow!

I’m doing a lot of extra cleaning right now…trying to do all the various yearly things whose month won’t come before baby. And some of the regular weekly/monthly things have taken a lot more time than they typically will, just because I’ve been shamefully negligent prior to implementing the routine. But once things get into a regular swing, I don’t think I’ll end up spending very long per day on cleaning at all…and yet the house will still feel clean and be relatively orderly. At least, that’s the plan... J

While I don’t follow it to a “t”, the cleaning schedule’s been really helpful for making sure stuff is getting done on a regular basis. There are some things, like mopping, that I’ve neglected just because I don’t think about it till I finally noticed major spider webs in the corner. Our floors don’t get sticky very often, since I usually try to clean as I go and don’t have many mess-makers around yet. So there isn’t something obvious to remind me that this really needs to get done. Or vacuuming baseboards... Or things like wiping down appliances that I don’t remember at the right times.

Since I’m staying so busy with all the extra before-baby projects right now, I don’t always fulfill each day’s cleaning agenda on the correct day. Sometimes I save it all and just clean on one or two days, other than the daily stuff. But when life’s more “normal”, and days are chaotic, having it broken down into a daily routine helps to make it feel bite-sized and manageable, instead of having to get a ton of stuff done in one streak. I cheat in other ways, too….my list might make me look like a clean-freak, but I’m most definitely not! You’d find plenty to pick on if you came for a visit. And while I’m really happy with how deep-clean the house is right now, there’s a lot of surface stuff that seems to forever slide, due to the deeper focus. I clean bathrooms weekly, but sometimes I only clean the toilet/toilet bowl and sink. Other times I put more work into a complete job and do the tub and mirror. If the week’s busy and there’s something on the weekly agenda that doesn’t seem like it needs to get done yet, I’ll let it slide. I’ll also switch around what days I do what on to accommodate plans for the week. For example, cleaning bathrooms only takes a few minutes, so I might switch that day with my big project of the week if need be. My daily stuff is Monday-Friday, unless it has to happen on the weekends (say, wiping counters), and not all of it happens everyday. But it’s stuff for me to be aware of and check on. I’m currently having a good week if I clean my kitchen sink 3 times a week. Laundry usually just happens on 1-2 days, other than diapers. So you see…my routine is a guide for me to work off of. And while everything might not happen as often as it “should” according to schedule, it’s getting done a whole lot more than it used to…and I also have a list I can check on to see what might need to get done. Taking all of that into account, here’s a run down of my current daily, weekly and monthly/yearly tasks and how they *should* fit together in a normal week.

Here’s what happens daily: wipe counters/tables, sweep, laundry, pick up, clean kitchen sink, load/unload dishwasher, dishes (the dishwasher and dinner dishes are often something Ben does for me….but I’m working at getting better about keeping up on the dishwasher part during the day so my sink’s clear and ready to be cleaned).

Weekly: vacuum, change sheets, organize/declutter something (closet, pull out season clothes/new size for kiddos, etc.), dust a portion of the house, mop, clean bathrooms.

Monthly: wipe kitchen appliances and clean out fridges and/or freezers and/or oven (week one), dust lights/fans (week two- but this is something that definitely is getting moved to a few times a year project), clean windows (week three- and again, I don’t think it needs to happen every month, unless I just do a couple windows per month). So the only thing that’s probably going to stay monthly is cleaning the kitchen down. The other weeks will go toward the yearly projects and/or just be lighter cleaning weeks (yay!).

Yearly/several times a year: clean van, vacuum baseboards, steam vac carpets, vacuum furniture. Each of these will happen 2-6 times a year, depending on the project and how often I feel like it needs it as we go along. I currently have a tentative schedule laid out, just not sure if it’ll stick. And I know there are a few things I’ve come up with and done recently that needed to be added here, but which I neglected to write down….

In a typical week, that should look like:

Monday- daily chores, vacuum house

Tuesday- daily chores, change sheets, organize

Wednesday- daily chores, see monthly and yearly chart

Thursday- daily chores, mop and dust

Friday- daily chores, bathrooms

However, we have yet to have a typical week…. J

BABY PREP

Right now, I’m living and breathing this section of the notebook…as we excitedly watch the weeks tick down! You can visit here to see what all my goals and plans are with baby prep. Essentially my notebook just has lists keeping track of what needs to get done and what is done, what I need to purchase, and so on. It will, ideally, also contain a list of what all foods I end up having in the freezer exactly.

CANNING & PRESERVING

Here I have a list of ideas for things I want to try/accomplish this year, which gets checked off as we go along. I also have a paper with phone numbers and such for the places we’ll tend to revisit for produce.

The most organized part of this section is a sheet recording what exactly I’ve preserved, how I did it, how much I did, dates harvested, amount paid and where we got it. I also had a slot for mentioning any leftovers we had from the previous year, and a place for recording either when we run out or how much we still have leftover come preserving season next year. I anticipate this being very helpful in making educated guesses as to how much of each thing I should do!

HOLIDAYS/GIFT PLANNING

With twenty-something siblings between the two of us and siblings’ spouses, plus a handful of nephews and nieces, not to mention the need to stay in a very low-budget price range and yet the desire to choose creative and personal gifts…planning ahead is definitely a necessity! I mostly just have a list I jot down my ideas on for birthday gifts for each family member, so I know ahead what to do. So far, it’s mostly been various homemade specialty foods. I also keep a list running of ideas for Vivi and Ben…especially since Ben’s really difficult! He doesn’t try to be…he’s just not a materialistic person, and it can take a lot of thought to come up with new and creative ideas every year for a gift he’d really love. There’s also a Christmas gift list, which is mostly family gifts for our families, and some sort of homemade goodie for married siblings and more “distant” relatives (grandparents, aunts, uncles).

We’ve developed a tradition of hosting a yearly Christmas open house, and plans/ideas for food, dates, etc., are stored here as well.

TRIP PLANNING

Again, this section is very basic. Just a place to store lists of everything we’ve needed to bring on the trips we’ve gone on. It’s helpful to be able to consult the old lists, especially when two trips have many similarities!

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That’s a wrap…and again, that’s how it works for me. It’s not the model notebook, and it’ll probably get changed plenty over the upcoming months. Right now, it’s a giant step in the right direction, so we’re running with it and thoroughly enjoying the benefits! I hope you’ve gained an idea or two for how you might be able to make your life easier through a little bit of planning!

Organization and Home Management (part 1 of 2)

2011-08-31T03:52:00.000-07:00

As a lot of readers know by now, I’m kind of a list-freak. I love to be organized and on top of my game. I love having a list in hand. I love checking stuff off the list. I’m a firstborn- the desire comes naturally. But whether you’re a firstborn or lastborn, and whether or not organization comes naturally, chances are high that organization and lists could help your day-to-day life run more smoothly. I’m sure some people really love a “fly by the seat of my pants” philosophy, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all. That said- some aspect of become more organized still might help you.

In recent months, I’ve moved towards organizing my life more thoroughly. My favorite thing about it is the fact that I’m getting so much more accomplished in so much less time. I love not having to think about what to make for dinner or what I should be getting done or what cleaning things need to happen (or forgetting about certain things to clean till…well….). Prior to recent months, I still always kept running lists of whatever….to-do lists, menu plans, and anything else. But after the morning sickness phase of this pregnancy, and finally getting back to menu planning after a few months of not, I organized everything much more thoroughly, and now have a notebook to contain all of my lists and keep everything in order. And I have to say, I’m in love with my system. The only down side is that a 1” ring binder is kind of big to haul around, and it now contains my whole life.

In my folder, I have several sections: grocery lists, food ideas, menu plans/weekly to-do lists, cleaning schedule, baby prep plans, canning/preserving notes/plans/ideas/check-lists, holidays/gifts and trip planning. I’ll outline more of what each of those sections contain below.

Some people have mentioned before that they love the idea of being more organized and having more of a “schedule” (as in, cleaning routine, meal plans), but that it isn’t possible with young children because you never know if you’ll be able to get anything done on a given day….whether that depends on simultaneous naps or happy babies or help or whatever rocks your boat. But personally, I think it’s especially helpful in living the unpredictable life of mothering littles. People who don’t plan anything and let everything rest on how the day goes often end up not getting anything done. And while that’s not totally a crime…it doesn’t seem ideal to this productivity-minded gal. If I know what to expect- what has to get made for dinner, what housework needs accomplished on a given day, what weekly projects I have- then I know, no matter what happens, that these things just have to get done. I know that if that means I have to tandem wear or eat a power snack (chocolate, of course!) or whatever, no matter how tired and unmotivated I am (there are exceptions to the rule….I’m not talking about extremes of illness and such), it’s my job to find a way to accomplish the items without neglecting my first job as a mom. Without the list, especially if I was tired, it’d be easy to let everything slide and just make it through the day on a day when Vivi’s extra crabby, for instance, requiring constant attention. Whereas, knowing what has to happen, I can get up the will to go at it, and decide to wear Vivi while accomplishing what needs to get done. Another large advantage on this side is the fact that you don’t have to think on long days. You don’t have to put the effort into figuring something out plus the effort of doing it. Just consult your lists, and go!

On the other hand, one challenge I have to deal with as an idealist who always jots down excessive to-do lists that would never be practical….is being real. Which sometimes means the extras on the to-do list don’t happen. And it might mean that after a whole night of being awake with sick littles, the menu will get changed to something simpler, or something I can get out of the freezer. It might mean there’ll be weeks when I just get the basics (meals and cleaning, for instance) done….but nothing extra. I have to remember that my to-do lists aren’t life-or-death. That they’re a tool to help me, not a weapon to stress me. And that when there’s a conflict of interests between my babies and my lists….my babies win, always, and that’s perfectly okay- even if I didn’t get much done.

Depending on your personality, you’ll probably struggle more with one side or the other, and knowing that can help you strike a balance that benefits everyone. If you’re unorganized or laid back enough that any small excuse is enough to toss the plan out the window, then you probably need to focus on the “this absolutely has to happen today” mindset, or paper-organization won’t help you. On the other hand, if you, like me, are an idealist and tend towards high productivity, you’ll have to work at remembering that it’s okay if everything doesn’t happen….or it’ll just become a stress factor in your life.

Stay tuned for part two, where we’ll dig into what exactly my folder looks like, and how I use it…

Baby Carriers: Ring Slings

2011-08-25T03:37:00.001-07:00

Written last Aprilish....but for some reason, never posted... :-) We still love our ring sling!

*Note: even though I wear Vivi all the time in my maya wrap ring sling, I don’t have any recent pictures. So all of these are fairly old, and they’re all with homemade slings.*

I like variety. And I love variety in my baby carriers. Someone asked me recently to fess up as to how many carriers I have (12-15, for those who are curious- but some of those are available for selling, and most are ones I’m willing to loan), and then asked if I’ve figured out a favorite yet. In short, not really….they are all so useful for different purposes! Depending on the need, the baby, and my mood, I like different ones.

But I’m pretty sure, if someone could have just one baby carrier, for birth through toddlerhood, I’d recommend a ring sling. (That opinion might change if I can manage to fall in love with my woven wrap at some point…if the person was up for the learning curve.) It’s versatile and simple….and there are many gorgeous ones available.

Ring slings are especially wonderful for the early months; maybe birth through around 18 pounds. With a baby that light, the one shoulder system offers plenty of support and weight distribution, and can be worn the entire day. Ring slings are easy to get on and off, and can even be gotten on/adjusted while holding your baby, making them a good option for places where you can’t necessarily set your baby down to get adjusted correctly. However, even though Vivi’s over 23 pounds, I’ve been greatly enjoying using it with her, lately. I can no longer comfortably wear her for the whole day in it (but, honestly, I don’t wear her for the whole day, anyway- she has a world to explore, now), but I can still wear her for an hour or two at a time quite comfortably. For longer periods than that, or something more rigorous like a fast walk or hiking, I would prefer an ergo baby carrier or a Kozy mei tai. Another benefit for the maya wrap and toddlers is how fast it is to put on. It takes me hardly any time to throw the sling over my shoulder, pop Vivi in, and pull on the tail to tighten it. This is especially great if you have a toddler who’s on the go, but still needs mommy snuggles.

A great feature is the ability to nurse discreetly and hands free in it, simply by loosening the back rail while baby’s in the cradle position. When Vivi hit a sudden fascination with nursing around the clock again recently, I started nursing her in the sling a lot. And at a year old and 23+lbs, we can still do it comfortably! I didn’t nurse her in it when she was younger, as I didn’t use it often the first couple months. However, I have fallen in love with it so completely that I anticipate it being my favorite carrier when our next little one is an infant…and an important criteria for a carrier in the early months, for me, is being able to nurse in it. I need the ability to be able to put the baby on the breast whenever they need it, even if I’m in the store, in the middle of a time-sensitive meal, or helping Viviana with something.

One of my favorite things about the ring sling, and something Vivi and I used it extensively for from about 6 weeks-6 months, is the ability to curl the baby’s legs up and face them out in a “kangaroo carry”. You can do this with an older baby, as well, but you may find having all their weight balled up in front of you (instead of distributed around you) isn’t quite as supportive. Many moms give up babywearing with the declaration that their baby doesn’t like it, when what’s really happening is that the baby wants to see. Most babies are attentive and observant, and they want to see what you’re doing. Once they’re older and bigger, they can do this while facing you, or peeking over your shoulder from your back, but as a little one, facing you doesn’t allow much visibility. Viviana loved riding along this way, seeing everything I did throughout the day. She would also fall asleep in this position, which was an easier position to transfer her into bed from, as I could just loosen the sling up, tuck in my neck and slip it over my head, while supporting her with one arm as I eased her down. The kangaroo carry can’t be done in most other carriers.

Once Vivi got quite a bit heavier, I shifted more to my ergo and mei tai for a few months. But recently, I’ve rediscovered the world of ring slings, and I’m in love all over again. It’s almost always my carrier of choice right now for shopping, or quick sessions when she wants up while I’m doing something. For things where I’m doing a lot of bending, like cleaning bathrooms, I prefer to have her on my back in a 2-shoulder carrier. We’ve shopped for up to a couple hours at a time with just our sling, and both of us were very comfortable. She likes to ride on my hip (and so far I haven’t found another carrier with as comfortable a hip ability), and placing her there helps distribute her weight better.

If you’re considering purchasing a sling, I would recommend a maya wrap or a slingified wrap from Sleeping Baby Productions. You can make your own as well, and there are lots of patterns online. But I have to say, after not being able to see justifying spending the $60 to buy one when I could make one for $10, I’ve been converted. I’ve been using a real (lightly padded) maya wrap for a few months, since receiving one for teaching classes, and I’m in love. The difference just between their fabric and what I can find makes an incredible difference. Slingified wraps are also very comfortable because wraps are made out of a supportive fabric…and, they’re incredibly gorgeous! So, if you can afford it, I would recommend going for the real thing. You can get great deals on slings that look brand new on ebay- I’ve bought a couple this way to either resell at cost or have on hand to loan out. Otherwise, making your own is a great option. Also, if you are able to get a second carrier for when your baby’s older, you might find that a homemade one meets your needs perfectly- I didn’t have any issues in spite of wearing Vivi in my homemade slings all day, everyday.

Preparing For the Babymoon- less than 10 weeks away!

2011-08-19T04:36:00.000-07:00

I’ve mentioned preparing ahead of time for a “babymoon” occasionally before. I thought I’d share some of the specifics of what I’m doing this time around. Each baby’s preparation will look a little different for me, as I have different things done and different needs…and yours will look very different from mine.

Whatever you might have to do to get ready, I think it’s a great thing for every mom to prepare for. You might not “need” it…you might not have much of any healing to do, the baby might be content being worn all day, and you might be able to jump back into life within 24 hours of giving birth. Or you might need it…your baby might (ahem :-)) not be perfectly happy just being worn while you do stuff, you might have breastfeeding issues, your other children might have more adjustment issues and need more of you, you might have a rough/longer recovery, tandem nursing might not be a breeze, you might be up every hour or more at night, and find yourself succumbing to an afternoon nap with the baby. I didn’t think I would need one with Vivi, but due to my longer recovery, I did…and was glad I had prepared for one, and was also very blessed by and thankful for family and friends who brought meals- especially since I only had about a week’s worth of fully-done meals prepared. Not to mention, there’s nothing quite so easy as having someone bring you a fully-done meal! J Whether it ends up being needed or not, I think it can be valuable and special for every family.

With Viviana, we stayed home the first two weeks. Ben left to play ultimate and do the grocery shopping, but Vivi and I didn’t go anywhere till attending a Memorial Day picnic when she was 13 days old. With this baby, we hope to stay home the first couple weeks as well, and I’m planning for a babymoon (as far as not really having to do anything) that’ll last around a month, give or take, depending on what we want to do.

Lives go by so quickly- and in just a flash, newborns grow up into alert babies…and before you know it, they’re turning one, and then getting married. I want to take in every moment with my newborn….I want Vivi to enjoy the season, too. I want Viviana to feel special and enjoy getting to know her little sibling. I want to take in every moment….capture every smile, every gurgle. I want to just drink in my baby’s sweetness….before s/he’s no longer a baby. That’s why we’re having a babymoon. So Vivi, the baby and I can just hang out all day…rocking, nursing, playing. We’re going to enjoy each other without any worries or cares. And when I start to feel restless, I’ll put the baby in a sling and pull a chair up next to me in the kitchen for Vivi, and we’ll go to work on a special dinner….not because I have to, just for fun. Or maybe Vivi and I will both grab sponges and set to work cleaning the bathroom, with baby in the sling or wrap. (Side note: I clean with all natural homemade cleaners, making it perfectly safe for little ones to be with me when I’m cleaning!) On the days when life’s a little busier, or when we’re just having too much fun being lazy together…we’ll pull a meal out of the freezer. And of course, we’ll still do laundry and keep up with any basics that need to be done.

I remember spending hours a day just rocking Vivi during her early weeks. She was so precious, so sweet….there were so many details to make note of and carefully imprint in my memory. I want to create those same memories again….oh, yes, it’ll be very different, with a toddler in tow…and it probably will be more active, because said toddler will surely want to play. But I want to drink in every moment. That won’t change.

*Edited to add: The closer we get to due date (10 weeks left!), the more I wonder what Vivi’s needs will be after the baby’s born. Since her needs are extremely important to us, I’m thinking a lot about practicalities of each day- how to still meet her needs while fully meeting the baby’s needs. Vivi has always been slower to develop emotionally than other babies, and that hasn’t changed yet. She has quite a few more emotional needs than the typical 15 month old. And that’s okay…but it means she’s still going to be very much a baby when #2 arrives. Like, I don’t think she’ll be ready to quit nursing in the night before then. And it’s pretty questionable whether or not she’ll be walking. So, I’m thinking a lot through how life will look practically in order to meet the full needs of both munchkins (instead of just expecting Vivi to grow up or, if this baby happens to be a more content baby, taking too much advantage of that). There will be adjustments for Vivi- for everybody, and that’s okay. I just don’t want adjustment to equal neglecting her very real needs. For instance- she’s going to have to be able to fall asleep while I nurse both at once sometimes, I’m sure, and then be eased down into the bed…something I have a hard time seeing happen right now. But, we aren’t going to settle for a cry-it-out method for her just because there’s a new baby, too.

So, needless to say, I’m thinking I’ll be quite grateful for a month off as we settle into a new normal, so I can still give my babies what they need. Vivi’s going to be a lot more needy than I originally anticipated she might. I originally thought it likely we’d help her night wean prior to the baby, for instance…but it’s obvious she’s not ready for that. Definitely okay, but it involves a change of plans, and means a baby moon might be necessary simply for the sake of meeting everyone’s emotional needs through the adjustments and still getting enough rest.

Mostly, I need to prepare my mindset….planning on it being a month off and not getting anything particular done outside of day-to-day basics and nurturing my family. Realizing that taking time out for naps or rest for a little while is okay, if it better enables me to meet everyone’s needs. Recognizing that my family’s needs are most important, and it’s okay to let the rest slide for awhile till we find a routine that works for everyone. Anyway….just some more realistic and down-to-the-nitty-gritty thoughts as we approach due date and work through how things will look practically! (Because I’m a planner…so thinking about stuff like this absolutely has to happen.)*

In the meanwhile, Viviana and I are having lots of fun getting ready for the babymoon! We’re gearing up, working hard together for the reward after baby.

I have a list of projects, which includes:

-Make postpartum menstrual pads (done!)

-Make overnight menstrual pads (done!)

-Stock up items for my etsy shop (pads, bowl covers, one-size diapers, etc.), so I can continue selling without having to make anything for a while (pretty close)

-Make a one-size diaper pattern and ½ dozen or so diapers (done!)

-Make a few baby hats

-Figure out Christmas stuff for Vivi, baby, Ben, family, etc. as well as birthdays over the next several months (coming along…but needs quite a bit more work!)

-Get all the canning/preserving done (work in progess…but things are under way!)

Then there’s cleaning preparation. I think this one’s really important. Firstly, because it lets me welcome the baby into a nice, clean, dust-and-dirt-free home. It also allows me to labor in a peaceful, uncluttered environment. And it makes it easier to let things slide for a while after the baby’s born. I’ve recently started working on tackling some of the more difficult things, because, while it’s still 10 weeks out, I’m getting larger and more and more out of breath….so I know at 36 weeks, especially with Vivi on my back, I may not be very able to do some of it. If I can, great- it won’t hurt to get done again. If not….at least it will have been done semi-recently, which is better than nothing.

My condensed list looks something like this:

-Vacuum dust all baseboards, surfaces, fans and light fixtures (most rooms are done- but there are at least a few I want to get to again in a few weeks)

-Steam Vac all carpets (done!)

-Wipe down appliances, etc. in kitchen (done- but it’s now on my monthly cleaning list, so it should get done 2 more times before baby)

-Clean out refrigerator (partially, but not a full wipe-down yet)

-Organize/create master list of freezers (they aren’t too bad due to recent partial-cleans in making room for new seasonal stuff- but need a little more organization and a final list so I know what I have and where to find it)

-Clean up craft room

-Get out all Vivi’s winter clothes

-Organize any closets/storage areas that need it (done!)

-Declutter entire house (I guess this one’s always a work in progress…but I’ve pretty thoroughly gotten through all rooms recently, so it’s fairly well done)

-Wash bedding, also wash any items that need it and don’t get washed often

-Wash/stash newborn diapers (holding myself off till 32 weeks on this one and the one below…can’t wait!)

-Wash newborn clothing and paraphernalia

I’m sure there are other things….but that’s the general jist of it, anyway.

Preparing for birth. Obviously, this one’s very important if you’re birthing at home, but even if you aren’t, there are some things needed no matter where you go/what you do. I detail this further in an old blog post (here and here), so this’ll be pretty short and sweet. I really wish I could start working on this one, and the getting ready of new baby’s dipes and clothes….that’ll be so much fun! But, I should probably hold off a few more weeks, at least….and I still have an issue of needing an upright dresser- so I don’t have a place to put anything yet.

-Prepare birth kit….make sure I have everything I need

-Prepare birthday freezer meal that works for my mostly-vegetarian midwife (definitely a meat-to-the-side meal, because I know I’ll be ready for something hearty and vegetarianism isn’t for me J)

-Set aside after-birth clothing for baby and I

-Prepare gift for Viviana (doll-size sling and cloth doll)

-Prepare healing stuff for afterwards

And, of course…preparing the kitchen! I love having a full pantry and freezers…it’s so rewarding, and always gets put to good use. I’m not sure how much I’ll have space to do this time around, since baby’s arrival will come closely on the heels of preserving season. My freezers are already stuffed, and I’m not even done! So, I’ll be working off this list, doing as much as will fit, and we’ll stop when there isn’t any space left….unless my mom or someone has a lot of empty space I can stash a few dishes in, which is a current possibility. Also, some things are subject to change…often the meals get put in my freezer because I’m making something for us and say, “Hey, this would be a good freezer-friendly meal that would be great after baby’s birth.”

Birth-day Meal:

Manicotti w/meatballs and homemade noodles

French bread

Chocolate cheesecake

Fully-done Meals:

-Uncooked pepperoni bread (up to 6-8 loaves, depending on space…it would make a good potluck/sharing at families’ meal)

-Chicken tortilla bake (one 13x9, done)

-Manicotti w/meatballs and homemade noodles (possibly- this would be in addition to the birth-day meal)

-caneloni w/homemade noodles (1-2 13x9)

-chicken divan (1 13x9)

-Beef stew (2 packages (will require making rice or mashed potatoes for serving)- my mother in law made us beef stew after Vivi was born, and it was a really awesome after-birth/starting up nursing meal!)

-sloppy joes (2 packages, done!)

-buffalo chicken soup (1)

-wet burritos (13x9)

-cheesy creamy chicken enchiladas (13x9)

-stir fry (this is vague- I need to find a recipe to try J)

-split pea soup (1)

Sides and Starters:

(a note: A lot, but not all, of the things listed here are things I like to have on hand more or less all the time. So preparing them for baby just means making sure I stay stocked up on all of these and don’t run my supply out without replenishing it before the end of October. That’s not the case for everything, but is definitely so for meats and cheeses…and preferably for beans and bread dough products. I also have/will have plenty of stored veggies, fruits, and what-not to use for stuff.)

6 pints refried black beans, seasoned

6 pints black and/or red beans

15 – 1 lb packages cooked ground beef

4 – 1 lb packages cooked seasoned burrito meat

3 – 1 lb packages cooked seasoned Italian beef sausage

6 – 1 ½ lb packages homemade meatballs

4 – 1 ½ lb packages Salisbury steaks (add mashed potatoes and typical sides (veggies, bread, etc.) and it’s a meal)

4 burger packs

3 bags taco meat

various cuts of meat from our side of beef

2 lbs homemade pepperoni, sliced

4 lbs homemade summer sausage

lots of cooked chopped chicken in various quantity packages

2 – 1 ½ lb fajita meat packages

2 – 1 ½ lb creamy crockpot chicken packages

2 – 1 ½ lb grilled chicken sandwich marinated chicken packs

shredded mozzarella and cheddar cheese

sliced provolone cheese

lots of bread dough- French bread, regular loaves, buns, pizza crust, etc.

tortilla dough- regular, jalepeno cheese, corn (divided into balls already, so I just have to roll and cook)

4 onion/pepper packs (for use with fajitas and meatball sandwiches)

1 cherry/blueberry pie

1 apple pie

8 qts frozen smoothies, assorted kinds

pureed bananas, for breads

12 breakfast burritos

Non-freezer Items:

Granola (3 gallons)

Banana chocolate chip bread mix for 6 loaves

Home-canned spaghetti sauce

Home-canned pizza sauce

Easy Meal Ideas Using my Sides/Starters:

-Steak, rice, salad

-Spaghetti & meatballs, French bread, salad

-Fajitas

-Meatball sandwiches, veggie and/or salad

-Pizza

-Tacos, bean dip

-Bean burritos

-Chili

-BBQ beef or chicken sandwiches, veggie/salad, potato salad if I have the time

-Beef pepper steak

-Salisbury steaks, mashed potato, salad

-Burgers and homemade fries

-Creamy crockpot chicken over rice, veggie

-Grilled chicken sandwich and homemade fries or potato salad

In which there isn't such thing as "bad" babies....

2011-08-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

“Wow, he’s such a –er—content baby,” I commented to a friend recently, noticing that it didn’t bother him that he’d been left alone forever in his stroller seat. I almost said “good” baby, and catching myself and thinking about what I was actually saying got me to thinking in general on the topic.

We’re pretty good at slicing babies into a couple categories….good babies and bad babies. Good babies never cry, take minimal or no effort, and really aren’t much of an inconvenience to your life. Bad babies…well, let’s just say they rule your life for at least a little while. But really? Are babies actually bad? It’s not like it’s their goal and intent to inconvenience you, ruin your plans, and make your life frustrating. I don’t think a 3 month old wakes up devising ways to ruin your day. I don’t think a good baby is truly any more angelic than a “bad” baby, even if they allow you to carry on with your life.

So…I really prefer terms like “content” and “higher needs”. Because really, that’s what it is. It’s not a matter of a baby being “bad”…it’s simply that they really, truly, have higher needs than your average baby. They aren’t trying to make sure you get nothing done, they’re just conveying that they have important emotional and physical needs to be met by you.

And, unless I go over the deep end (not saying that won’t happen…but it’s not the plan, at least!), I’d never know if I had a “good” baby who would sit for hours by itself. I don’t want to know….I have no desire to take advantage of a more-content-than-average baby and neglect important emotional needs just because I can. I don’t want to “test” our kids and push them to their limits just to see what kind of freedom I can get from each one.

On the other hand, whether or not some of our babies are more content will be obvious. A high-needs baby is pretty unmistakable. And content babies don’t need quite as much as a high-needs baby, necessarily. There isn’t anything wrong with letting a content baby do some things that Viviana would never have done- like playing on the floor for 10 minutes. Each baby has individual needs, and a content baby might really enjoy and desire floor time that Vivi couldn’t handle and wasn’t interested in until she was fairly old. I just wouldn’t want to practically ignore said baby just because “hey, he’s content sitting over there by himself, so why should I ruin a good thing and ‘have’ to spend time with him when I could be getting such and such done?”

Content babies can be a blessing, especially in certain seasons of life….God knows what we need when He sends small packages our way! But so are high needs babies….Vivi brings so much joy every single day, and getting to spend all her waking minutes with her is a lot of fun. There’ve been harder seasons, but I’d never trade our Vivi-girl for an easy baby- she’s too great a blessing to us!

So….let’s not forget the blessing in each baby, whether content or high needs. Let’s not write some off as being “bad” simply because they’re babies with needs and don’t allow life to go forward as used to be normal. And let’s not enviously label some as “good” because they’re willing to play alone all day….it isn’t overly healthy for them anyway- and I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to loose so many hours a day with my baby just because he’s content.

Our Parenting Philosophy in Regards to Training and Discipline (part 3 of 3)

2011-08-08T09:07:00.001-07:00

Down the road, when “discipline” becomes necessary (i.e. when she has a firm grasp of what we desire, right and wrong, etc., and is no longer being trained as much in those areas), we would prefer to use more natural consequences….which are abundantly available, or simply “time in”, helping her learn what is and isn’t acceptable. I also want to reward our children randomly for positive behavior….because, again, it’s important for children to know how proud you are of their progress, and that you see the positives they’re displaying.

Another practical aspect we feel is important is explaining to our kids “why”. There are a lot of mixed opinions on this out there, especially in the crowds who believe in first time obedience. But we feel that part of treating our children like people is taking into account their feelings, and therefore being willing to explain why they need to do something, or can’t do something else.

It’s also a bit of a “safe guard” for Ben and I. So often, parents end up making mandates just because. Because it’s inconvenient to them, or they just want perfect obedience, or something else that isn’t very explainable. For instance, how often might a child ask to go outside, be told no and throw themselves into a tantrum? Then the parent gets to think over why the child can’t go outside and the fact that there really isn’t anything wrong with the child going outside…except, now they’re tantruming, and allowing them to go out would be giving into a tantrum- something we’re firmly opposed to. I know I’ve been there as an older sibling. If you have to be prepared to give an answer, it’s a lot easier to hold out against tantrums…as well as to only say no when it’s necessary, instead of being provocative to your child. If the only reason the child can’t is because it sounds like an inconvenience for you, then no probably isn’t a good answer. If, on the other hand, you don’t want to let the child out because dinner will be on in 15 minutes- but everyone can go outside for a little while before getting ready for bed later- you have a reasonable base, a good explanation, and no reason to go back on your word when and if a tantrum ensues.

Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly, it will help ease our children into deciding for themselves what’s right and wrong, in matters where it is a right/wrong situation. And ultimately, that’s what we want. I don’t want a child to do something because we “said so”, but rather because there are good and bad choices we can make everyday, and they desire to choose the right ones. Someday, they’ll be flying on their own, and we won’t be there to make sure they’re doing the right thing anymore. Our job will be done- unless we’ve managed to become such good friends (as we hope to) that they still come to us when they desire counsel. Ultimately, we want our children to do right for right’s sake. Not just because doing wrong means getting a spanking….or going to jail….or so forth. But because God loves righteousness and “right” is always the most rewarding decision to make.

Having grace for our children- just as God has grace for us- is another practical aspect to gentle parenting. And honestly, it’s one that I’m not sure how it totally plays out yet. I’ve been wondering about it lately with Vivi, as she’s dealt with being chronically overtired after too much vacation and it’s caused more tantrums and meltdowns. I don’t have any desire to give into and encourage tantrums…yet I understand that most of it is stemming from being emotionally out of whack due to tiredness, rather than a desire to manipulate and get her way. And this week, I can relate….and I’m so grateful that God has the grace to forgive me when I get frustrated and have a poor attitude. While I may not understand how it all plays out, I know for certain that I need to give Vivi the grace I so desperately need poured on me.

Essentially, we want to parent the way God parents us. God doesn’t beat us. He doesn’t desire for us to fear Him. He woos us and draws us to Him. He gives grace when we stumble. And always, He loves. Always, He holds out open arms….always, we can feel safe there. We want our children to feel all that in us. Certainly, it won’t be to such a perfect extent, because we’re humans. There’ll be apologies, and too many opportunities to ask our children’s forgiveness. But the base that we strive for- is Christ’s model.

Parenting and discipline- what we intend to do to shape our children’s lives- is a vast topic. It could never be summed up fully in one article or one conversation. But this is the general gist of what we believe, and where we’re headed. Ultimately, if I had to give a one-sentence response to the question of what we think of parenting/discipline, I’d say that relationship-centered parenting and demonstrating God’s personality are most important to us. Everything else tends to fit under one of those, or just be a further explanation of how it plays out.

We’re not the experts….we don’t have any adult children to prove that what we did works. We’re just two parents following in faith and seeking to find the very best for our children. So here we are, on quite the adventure….

Our Parenting Philosophy in Regards to Training and Discipline (part 2 of 3)

2011-08-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

We feel like it would be far more effective to gently guide our little ones as we train them than to use a rod/other instrument. It means that we have to be constantly involved with Vivi, so we’re there to help out with issues- it doesn’t work to just tell a one year old from across the room that she can’t touch that. See, not spanking doesn’t mean we think kids should get away with whatever they want. If we can help it, we’d rather not raise spoiled brats who tantrum to get their way and do whatever they want. We firmly believe it’s our job to train our young children to listen and obey. We really want to avoid the empty threats that happen in so many homes- or “having” to threat, period, because it seems harmful to everyone involved. The “Don’t touch…” “If you touch that (again), I’m going to have to come over there.” “Do you want a spanking?” And so forth. Not a fun route to go…and one that parents easily slip into, because on the surface, it’s easier. It delays your having to get involved. The end result, though, is a child that never listens the first time (and quickly figures out the line between threats and a consequence) and parents that are constantly frustrated by the need to threat and reiterate over and over, and eventually to get involved.

Our experience is pretty limited, obviously, since Vivi’s still quite young, but so far, here are some scenarios of how this might actually play out (and has played out for us). I’m pretty well convinced that, no matter what parenting style you use, consistency is a major key. In other words, constant parental involvement…it’s a way of life.

Vivi loves to play in the sink….but initially, she was really drawn to the window crank right behind the sink….and also to tasting everything in the sink and drinking the water. So, I would stand next to her, washing dishes or doing something where she was occupying most of my attention. Anytime she started to reach, or succeeded in grabbing the crank or drinking water, I’d remove her hand/the item and say something like, “No, Vivi, you can’t drink that, it’s yucky. The sink’s to play in.” I might also offer her sippy cup and see if she wants a drink of “good” water, telling her that’s what she can drink. That might’ve happened 10-20 times in a sitting initially- which is to say I didn’t get a whole lot done until she was done playing and went on my back or played with something at my feet where there was less to get into. Occasionally, I’d eventually remove her, but typically not- she wasn’t old enough to need a consequence, she was just in training process….learning her boundaries. Pretty soon, though, it was happening less and less, and now while I wouldn’t say she’s 100% perfect, it’s very rare (maybe once every few times she plays in the sink) that I have to tell her not to drink the water….and she never gives the window crank a glance.

Or, she’ll become infatuated with a pile of my or Ben’s books sitting next to the couch. When she starts to go for one (assuming it’s one she can’t have- some of our books we allow her to look at for as long as she’s handling them gently, or with our help), we say, “No, Vivi, that’s mommy’s book. Here, you can look at your books.” And we give her one of her books. Again, initially she would be back at the pile quite a few times…now, usually distracting her once is enough.

Another recent incident was learning to be nice to her 7 month old cousins, whom we spent a week with on vacation. She was too rough with them, and would try to hit the top of their heads. Not enough to hurt them, since they’re used to older siblings, but hard enough to not be gentle, and therefore, be a problem. I made sure I was with her when she was playing with them and if she hit/started to hit, I’d remove her hand and say, “No, Vivi, we can’t hit. You have to be gentle with ____.” Then I’d demonstrate, both on her and the cousin, how to be gentle. Because it was a situation where someone was getting hurt, I only gave her one additional opportunity, usually, to be gentle. If she tried to hit again, I would generally remove her to a different part of the room or house and play with something else with her. Usually, a tantrum was involved because she didn’t want to leave. Within a couple days, though, she seemed to have a pretty good grasp on playing nicely, and while I’m sure I’ll have to help her along in the future again, we didn’t have any issues in the latter ½ of the week.

Thinking about dealing with this situation as spanking parents just doesn’t make sense. Vivi is learning a lot by mimicking be- in fact, she developed her own sign for gentle because of the way I’d always stroke her gently on the face when telling her to be gentle. It just doesn’t make sense to tell her not to hit while I’m slapping her hands or bum. I think using your hand to spank your child is wrong and absolutely not an option, but even using an instrument (rod, switch, etc.) doesn’t seem like it sets spanking apart from hitting. Likely, Vivi would wind up confused and frustrated, trying to figure out how it is she’s supposed to interact with the world. I’d rather just display gentleness and guide her in interacting gently with people, instead of hitting her every time she hits.

Distraction strikes me as important at as young an age as hers. I don’t expect to just say no and have her figure out something else to do. So we tell her no, and find something fun that she can play with/do, and/or show her how to correctly use/play with what she has. When she’s older, sure, she’ll be able to figure out a different source of entertainment for herself…but for now, it’s all part of the helping and guiding process, and I want her to see what she can have.

Each “session” is also always followed with lots of praise and/or conversation. For example, I might talk to her about how nice it is to drink her yummy water, and how yucky the sink water is. Or I’ll tell her she’s doing a great job being nice if she’s playing gently. It takes a decent memory, sometimes….just recently, as we were rehashing through what we’ve done with Vivi, I was realizing that we’ve already encountered a lot more hurdles than I thought. It’s easy to forget about them once Vivi gets past them- but it’s good to remember that it used to be a struggle, and to continue to praise her for positive behavior. I don’t want to just interact with Vivi when it’s necessary to intervene and be the “bad wolf”…I want lots of positive interactions, too.

Our Parenting Philosophy in Regards to Training and Discipline (part 1 of 3)

2011-08-08T04:01:00.001-07:00

Since we first got engaged, 4 years ago, Ben and I have spent countless hours talking about child training and discipline- probably weeks worth of hours. Our kids have always been extremely important to us, and it’s always been high priority to think through why we do what we do, especially when it affects them. As we’ve hashed and re-hashed new and old ideas, we’ve gradually formed guidelines for how we think God wants our family to operate. Guidelines that are drastically different than what we thought they’d be 4 years ago. Slowly, gently, God’s pulled and tweaked our ideas, molding them carefully.

We have more questions than answers. And we can’t guarantee that the road we’re on will lead to perfect success. Yes, we’ve seen positive results so far….but Vivi’s just 15 months, and our only little one. There’ll be new phases and stages, new challenges and blessings, new personalities….and lots of new questions along the way. We can’t point to a host of families around us who parented this way and say, “See? Their kids all turned out well….” Because the path we’re choosing would seem at least a little radical to most of those we fellowship with. On the other hand, we’ve seen lots of methods that don’t work. We know, for example, that legalism won’t get you anywhere, and that controlling your teen’s life only works till they’re old enough to hit the highway. And, on the other extreme, we know that total leniency also produces negative results. We know that failing to be perfectly consistent in whatever one chooses produces negative results.

It’s very much been a journey of faith for me. I’ve assumed for a long time that spanking was biblical and what godly parents do, for the good of their kids. I thought through how I wanted to parent, and why, all based on the assumptions that certain philosophies were biblical- and not just biblical, but the only biblical option. And then, gradually, God started giving us new ideas. Ideas I wasn’t sure about at first. I wanted a set action plan, and it had to be “biblical”. As the ideas have formed together, they have become a loose plan of sorts….they’ve given me a guideline for how to handle various day-to-day training issues. Gradually, we’ve become convicted of the way God wants us to parent. A few months ago, while I felt it was clearly the direction we were supposed to go, I would’ve preferred if it was something we didn’t have to discuss with anyone else. But God had more work to do….and slowly, our decisions have become a passion. A conviction strong enough that it doesn’t matter how much opposition there is, or if everyone disagrees with us. Like babywearing and cosleeping. We know, absolutely, that this is where God has us.

So, then….where are we headed? We feel very passionately about relationship-centered parenting. We always have. More than anything else, we want solid relationships with our kids. We want to have friendships when they reach adulthood that will carry on through whatever life has. We don’t want them to be afraid to come to us- whether it’s with an idea, a troubled conscience, a life issue, or something else. We’re passionate about attachment parenting and its many branches- breastfeeding on demand, babywearing, involving our babies in all of everyday life, cosleeping, etc. We’re also very passionate about treating babies and children like real people….acknowledging that they have emotional and physical needs, just like us. That they count just as much as adults- that, in fact, our children are the most important people, outside of each other (Ben and I) to spend time with, because they’re the ones we’ve been entrusted with. We believe in guiding and leading our children in righteousness. And we’re far more interested in making sure their hearts yearn after God than that they make us look good by obeying perfectly on the outside. We want our kids to obey, not because they’re afraid of getting spanked otherwise, but because it’s right. We want to show them a picture of who God really is- a loving Father. Because they’re people, like us, we believe we need to have grace for them. I’m not perfect; why should I expect my kids to be? We believe in explaining to our children why we ask/tell them to do what we do.

And we’ve come to the conclusion that spanking won’t help us reach those goals- and would, in fact, hinder many of them. Every parent has different goals, and different means of reaching them. These are ours, and following is more on how we currently feel we’ll best be able to meet them. Although I feel very uncertain right now on how biblical spanking actually is, I’m not at a place of saying it’s wrong for everyone, across the board. Spanking might suit your family and meet the goals you have in raising your children. And that’s okay. It, and many of its components, just isn’t going to work for us.

I was realizing this week that we believe in parenting teens as a friend and counselor, rather than a dictator. And we’re firm believers in all or most things attachment parenting. So, it really just doesn’t make sense to totally shift gears and mindsets for the approximately 2-12 crowd. Not sure why I didn’t see that light before!

As we seek to form solid relationships with our children, we desire to spend lots of time with them. Family is our top priority. We love our children, and we love hanging out with them. We want them to feel valued and cherished, which means we spend a lot of time interacting with them. It means we plan activities just because we know Vivi would love them, or that we choose not to partake in activities that don’t work for Vivi. It means that we talk to her a lot, and involve her in our conversations. We get excited over the things that excite her. Mostly, we just love being a family together, interacting with each other.

Our marriage, and time for just us, is important too. The two don’t have to conflict….we typically enjoy lots of good marital time in the evenings after Vivi goes to sleep for the night, focused on just the two of us.

Going Green week seven- eating local and summer preservation

2011-08-03T04:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve pretty well disappeared for some time around here...and I really miss writing. Partly because of life. Partly because of family trips and a crazy July. Partly because of some lifestyle changes and spending more time working to implement healthier eating. And partly because it’s summer, and all the fresh bounty is in!

Several years ago I started canning for my family, and for a few years, we were pretty faithful about doing a few staples….tomatoes, peaches, applesauce, apple pie filling (for syrup). We also froze, and still do, green beans, blueberries and some other things depending on the year. But somewhere in there it got to feeling like so much work that we weren’t really saving money, which at the time was the primary motivator. Tomatoes got dropped, though my family’s continued doing the apple stuff, since it’s something they use that’s easy and for which the taste difference compensates for time. I haven’t really done anything (except blueberries and green beans) since we got married….till this year.

This year, healthier living has become a front-line priority for us, and one of the steps we’ve taken is eating as much local as possible. We’ve been feasting on lots of fresh stuff, and have slowly been putting stuff away as it’s come into season. August will really be the big month! Now, I have a better motivator than saving money, which makes the effort feel so much more worth it….I want to feed my family the best of the best- the very healthiest I can. I want to support local farmers and help them continue to thrive as they provide us with high-quality produce. Not to mention, the stuff tastes awesome. An added bonus, I am saving quite a bit of money on at least most of the stuff I do. (Side note: the focus of this article is mostly on produce, but we also do local meats, milk, eggs and butter- most of those we have done for some time. My meats and milk are cheaper than the grocery store’s sale prices (as long as I buy in bulk), which makes it super easy to justify!)

We are currently eating only local produce, with the exception of cherries (one of Ben’s favorites) and bananas (not many, but they’re an easy fruit Vivi loves). That beans that what we eat depends on what’s at the market….it’s also meant less variety in each week’s fair, and instead, a continual move of different foods. It’s been so much fun to feel healthier and to eat stuff that tastes SO good. I don’t know what we’re going to do come October…I would imagine that after our feast this year there will be some foods we just won’t really eat until they’re in season again next year- the taste would just be too disappointing. And some things we’ll get used to making do with, for the sake of still getting raw stuff. Fruit wise, we’ll start enjoying tropical fruits again, and we’ll also eat a lot of smoothies (from fruits I’ve frozen this summer) to count towards our fruit consumption. Raw veggies will be the thing we’ll just have to deal with. Although I’m wondering lately…would slightly cooked local produce (say, green beans) be as healthy as/healthier than veggies grown in mass quantities on a mega farm who-knows-where? I don’t know….but it’s something I’m curious about.

So far, we’ve preserved 5 gallons of strawberries (from our patch, and without encroaching on eating as many as we desired!), 1 gallon mulberries (from a neighbor’s tree), several bags of rhubarb (also unused of a neighbor’s), 50+ lbs of blueberries (mostly frozen, some dehydrated), 6 gallons sliced peaches, 2 quarts dried peaches and 15 quarts canned peaches. I’m still debating about whether or not to do more peaches…another affordable option for getting peaches has arisen, but I need to decide and act in the next week. So, we might also just call that good for the year and see how it lasts us. Next up will be green beans (probably about 20 quarts frozen). We’re also planning to do around 10 lbs each of tart cherries and raspberries (frozen). Then tomatoes should be ready….we’re planning on cut tomatoes (around 20 quarts/20 pints), tomato sauce (same) and if I find recipes we enjoy, spaghetti sauce (14 quarts) and pizza sauce (10-14 pints). I’m really excited about the latter two because it’ll be so fun to have fresh, healthy convenience foods that I’ve never had access to…and that are healthier than the homemade stuff I’ve done in the past using store bought canned tomatoes. We’ll also be trying a V8 type recipe that came highly recommended…only 7-14 quarts. With all the fresh stuff, it sounded good although I’ve never drank veggie juice, and it seemed like a good way to incorporate more veggies, something we’ve talked about doing. If I have space, I’ll do 5-10 quarts (frozen) of corn. This isn’t a huge priority, so we’ll see what space looks like….we don’t eat corn plain since it isn’t that nutritious (and if we’re splurging on a food, there’s other things we’d prefer), so I just need it for the occasional soup we enjoy it in. I’m okay with buying organic frozen corn for that purpose this year, if need be. Then we’ll be into apple season, where we’ll do applesauce (21-28 quarts), apple pie filling (14ish quarts) and dried apples (4+ quarts). We may or may not do other things as produce or inspiration becomes available….but that’s the current general goal.

It’s a really exciting journey! We’re having fun focusing on our health, and it’s fun to think that after these next couple months, I’ll have lots of local produce stored up for my family and little or no need for any canned/preserved/processed stuff this coming year. It also seems most ideal to start now, while we’re a small, growing family, who doesn’t need a whole ton of food, so that the idea of canning/freezing for all our needs when our family’s bigger doesn’t seem so overwhelming….it’ll just be a gradual process of adding a small number of cans to what I do each year. We’re excited to see where all God will lead us on our journey to better health.

Stretching

2011-06-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

**I know....it's been weeks since I've done a going green post. I have ideas- and ideas for other posts- just haven't had computer time lately. Hopefully soon, I'm itching to write again! In the meanwhile, here's something I wrote a couple weeks ago... :-)**

I recently read an excellent book, Loving the Little Years. (Review should be coming soon!) A couple places in it, she urged personal expanding…stretching and growing and learning. She even had a rather different- and fascinating- take on Psalms 128, different from the typical one you see. Essentially, she suggested that when the verse talks about being a “fruitful vine” it doesn’t seem like it’s talking about having a bunch of kids…they’re already had and young olive plants, yet she’s still fruitful. The author mentioned that it seems more in reference- or perhaps in addition to children- to living a fruitful life. Trying new things. Being productive. Exploring and expanding your giftings….and trying things you don’t consider to be your giftings. Elsewhere in the book, she discusses doing so for the sake of your children- being willing to constantly grow and add to your repertoire for the sake of all the different personalities and interests you’ll have amongst your children.

*Disclaimer: I’m not necessarily stating whether I agree or disagree with her on the verse interpretation. I’ve enjoyed chewing on it. I think, perhaps, the verse should be applied to all areas of life- including your children. But not just having lots of kids….pouring fruitfully into the ones you have. And letting that on its own not be enough.*

This was inspiring and challenging to me. I happened to read it after both Ben and I started stretching ourselves and moving into fields we’d previously considered things we just couldn’t/weren’t good at/etc. I started designing diaper patterns, something I’ve said for the past 2 years I wasn’t interested in doing because I’m just not brave enough or good enough at pattern creating for something that “complicated”. Ben’s worked at challenging himself physically (with the encouragement/pushing of my younger brother), working on better wrist action (particularly working on Ultimate throws that have always been more difficult for him). He has less dexterity in his wrist, which makes it more difficult to make some throws, or play certain sports in general. But, as my brother has pointed out more than once, that’s not a reason to not get good at it…it just means you have to work harder at it than the average person.

I’m a reasonably creative person (in my own fields), and I love living a productive life. So for the most part, I’m often pursuing new things, learning and researching how to do new stuff, and enjoying full, productive days exploring stuff with Viviana. I love pattern designing. I thoroughly enjoy being creative in the kitchen. I like learning new health stuff, and changing how I cook as I go. I enjoy pondering up entrepreneur pursuits. I love a good budgeting/buying challenge. I enjoy writing and recording memories. And that probably only scratches the surface.

But….I have so much I could grow in. I still get into ruts- I might be creative and exploring in some fields, but there are some that I’ve always just considered “off-limits”. For example….I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “I’m just not good at decorating” or “Decorating just isn’t my thing” or something along those lines. It’s true that I’m not good at it, and don’t have a natural taste for it. Some people are super talented in that area and have the best ideas for totally changing a room, decorating a party table, etc. I don’t….but I’m sure I could learn. I could watch and gain ideas, I could locate books. I could come up with things to make our home a lovelier place if I got over the idea that I just “can’t”. And if we have a daughter who has an eye for décor and loveliness…I’m sure I could learn along with her, to be able to help her, and to help appease her desire for beauty in our own home. I’ve written off cake decorating as something I’m not/wouldn’t be good at- though I haven’t even tried. I’m just not really interested in the tediousness of it….or of making other fancy baked goods. But if I had a child that was interested in that direction, I could, for their sake, learn along with them and enjoy the fellowship and helping them grow in their interests. I wouldn’t, though, if I always wrote it off as something I just couldn’t do, or a waste of time.

I could potentially permanently injure my children by my lack of willingness to try new fields. By my “it’s just not for me/us” attitude. By sticking with my small circle of things I know how to do. Not to mention the fact that I don’t want to pass that kind of attitude- the kind that shirks from anything difficult, work-involved, time-consuming, or with potential for failure- on to my kids. If I want them to explore life, find new pursuits, and dig headlong into whatever they try (i.e. not be lazy) I have to be it, too.

And sure….I’m going to encounter things that I’m just not very good at. And it’s okay to have different interests. I might never get good at cake decorating- but if Vivi wants to make a go at it, then I want to do our best together. Decorating might never hold a lot of personal pleasure for me, and that’s okay. I don’t have to do everything all the time. I can choose activities for my free time that I truly enjoy. But if one of our children is into interior design, or coordinating/decorating parties, I want to be able to help- and enjoy it at that. And in all that….I might just fall in love with something I was certain I could never like. At the very least, it’s always very gratifying to plunge into something that I avoided for one reason or another, and see the activity/job through. So many times, I’ve put something off because it looked or sounded complicated. I just thought it was out of my playing field. But on more than one occasion, when I gritted my teeth and just did it, I found the thing far more interesting (and usually easier!) than I imagined.

Goals in Raising Our Family

2011-06-14T04:22:00.000-07:00

Figuring out what's for dinner, maybe? Or, just seeing what treasures mommy has hidden...

One of Vivi’s most recent enjoyments is sitting in the sink helping with dishes while I’m washing. It’s one of her favorite parts of the day, and something she generally gets to do at least once a day. She loves helping and splashing in the water.

She also enjoys sitting on the counter and helping me stir stuff now…or doing it by herself. It’s created some opportunities to learn that tantruming doesn’t get her her way, since she sees no reason for help. J

Recently, when Vivi was in the sink with me, someone commented something about my efforts to create a “right hand” in her for the years to come. I think I was too taken-a-back to make much of a response at the time, but I’ve turned the conversation over in my mind quite a bit since then. Until it was mentioned recently, it had honestly never crossed my mind to put the effort into including Vivi now so that she could help me take care of my kids and my home when she’s older. So, what am I raising Vivi for? Why do I see it as important to include her in my day-to-day life?

The idea of raising Vivi to be my right hand is repulsive to me. Ben and I aren’t raising kids just so we can have a ton of kids (and, you know, look righteous), because they can take care of each other and the house. We both feel strongly that if we can’t take care of our own children, we shouldn’t have them. Nor do we want to “enslave” our older children….or become so dependent on them that we’re reluctant to see them move on in life- getting married, pursue new paths, etc. It happens too often in homeschool circles, and it’s ugly.

However, now that we’re off that soapbox….we do believe in being responsible….earning one’s keep, so to speak. It’s the reason Ben likes to help with dishes when we eat at someone else’s house…it’s why I like to contribute to the meals we share in. We want to be, as a family, contributors, not takers. And a lot of our goals for our children will end up meaning they contribute to our family. At some point our kids will have to contribute at least a little bit to society, and I’d rather ingrain that in our kids from an early age, so they can learn to take pleasure in work, instead of being thrust suddenly into it as lazy, good-for-nothing adults who don’t even know how to use a broom.

In a nutshell, our goals in raising Vivi- which motivate virtually every decision we make- are to raise a responsible, self-motivated, serving, caring, loving adult. We desire a strong and lasting friendship with Vivi, in which we can mutually share in good fellowship. We want Vivi to be able to think through the decisions she makes and the person she is. We want her to be self-motivated, willing to see what needs doing, and do it…in her own life and home and in that of others. We want her to be loving and grace-filled, with an ability to love people for who they are. We want her to be generally knowledgeable, and thoroughly capable. I want her to be able to manage a household by the time she’s a teen, and have a pretty good grasp of cooking, health, homecare, general management, budgeting and finances, etc. We want her to be willing to pursue things she’s curious about, to find out how the world works in any area of life. We want her to feel free to pursue whatever life direction she feels God calling her in- and to have the self motivation to make it all the way there. We desire her to be a contributor in life, rather than a taker who relies on others to help her and do for her all the time.

So when Vivi washes dishes with me…it isn’t so I can “make good use” of her in future years. We wash dishes together so we can enjoy sharing life- enjoy our relationship….we do it so she can begin to develop the makings of a hard worker. We do it so she can learn and see how it’s done…and so she can see how much fun it is to work together. Because we won’t reach our goals if we keep Vivi shut out of our lives, and in her own world, until we deem her “old enough” to be “useful”. A 5 year old doesn’t suddenly love having chores…and the effort it takes to get an untrained 5 year old to do any menial task (and, being untrained, do it unwell at that) is incredible. Plus, in waiting, we’ve lost the building of sweet fellowship. We’ve also lost opportunity to model how fun working together is…kids are smart, and they certainly don’t get that impression because they’re brushed aside by a stressed mother who says she’s too busy for a mess.

Having a helper makes everything take longer….it meant, when letting Vivi help stir granola, that we got oats on the floor. It makes doing dishes relatively inconvenient. It means flour all over the counters, and water in places I wouldn’t get it. But, it’s also an opportunity for so many beautiful things….beautiful things it’ll be too late to start working on and sharing in all too fast. And I hope that I’ll have unhelpful helpers for many years to come, as God blesses us with more children. Because having goals for our children that affect the rest of their lives mean that just training the first 3 or 4 (so they can do everything) isn’t good enough. I’ll spend the rest of my mothering career training and retraining the same jobs with different people.

Eventually- probably in just a year or two, if we can continue to instill a love for working together in her- Vivi will start to become truly useful. Messy, still, but actually helpful in some respects. And yes, she will be helping with household chores as she learns how to accomplish various tasks. In their turn, she’ll learn how to vacuum, wipe counters, unload dishwashers, sweep, do dishes for real, do laundry, put her clothes away, clean bathrooms, make bread, pull together a full meal, garden, etc.

And so long as Ben and I continue to hold on to our visions, it will always be something our kids do with us. Vivi will never learn to accomplish everything so someday I can sit in my recliner and watch the kids do all the work. But, hopefully, she will learn how to love what she does….learn how many pursuits there are in life and discover what she loves best….acquire enough skills to be thoroughly useful wherever God plants her, and capable of anything…and know, undoubtedly, she has parents who love and treasure her- no matter what.

Better late than never....yes?

2011-06-13T04:13:00.000-07:00

Holly's hosting a crock pot freezer meal link up....or has been, for the past week. It closes in about 11 hours...but I didn't even see it till this morning. It's been a crazy week with minimal online time. :-) Anyway- since I'm the one who requested it, I thought I better chime in, too. And then I remembered that I already did a post with a few of my favorite freezer meals, including a few that work great for the crock pot.

The meatball recipe shared is also great with spaghetti sauce...so on the day you want it, you can dump your meatballs in a crockpot along with frozen or canned spaghetti sauce, and let it simmer away.

I've done south of the border chicken bake several times in both a crock pot and roaster oven.

Enjoy!

Going Green week six- eliminating or reducing aluminum foil and saran wrap

2011-06-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome back! And sorry for last week’s skip…a lot of unexpected things happened last week, and the blog didn’t remain a high priority.

My latest game has been greatly reducing our saran wrap/aluminum foil usage. I’ve started making, first myself, then for my etsy shop, reusable bowl and pan covers. I’m totally in love with mine, and so thrilled to be getting rid of saran wrap/aluminum foil!

Reusable covers are generally made with a cotton exterior, and a food safe nylon on the inside. Some are also just made with two layers of cotton, but these can only be used for dry food storage, and not for very long, as they’ll dry out faster. Some also use PUL (a typical diaper-making fabric), but so far as we know, PUL is not food safe and therefore not recommended. Most are made with narrow, hidden elastic about an inch away from the edge, but I found that fold over elastic worked far better- it holds a much tighter seal than regular ¼” elastic. With the elastic edge and the nylon lining, these seal/prevent from drying out just as well as, if not better than, saran wrap and aluminum foil.

As an economical non-waster, it’s always really bothered me to buy aluminum foil and saran wrap. Essentially, you’re just buying something that you know you’ll be throwing out shortly. As someone growing more concerned about the environment, it bothers me even more.

But- even if you could care less about the environment, it doesn’t bother you to throw things out all the time, you have all the money in the world, and your primary concern is personal convenience, these are still awesome. Simply from a convenience standpoint, I love my new covers! I’m not sure about all the rest of you, but I always have issues with saran wrap. It never sticks (except to itself and me), it slides all over, and if you absolutely have to have something completely covered, you use way more saran wrap than you should need. Aluminum foil isn’t much better- acidic foods (and even non/low acid ones, I’m finding) eat away at the aluminum. That means holes in your cover, and having to go through the tedious process of picking off all the flecks of aluminum from the top of your food so you don’t eat them. It rips easily, especially in the freezer.

Enter reusable covers- the slip on quickly, and fit snugly over the bowl or pan. To care for them, all you need to do is wipe off, or, if they get pretty dirty, wash in the sink with your dishes or in your washer machine. I recommend air drying to get the longest life span from your covers. Plus, they make a pretty addition to any kitchen, potluck, gathering, etc. Needless to say, I have a new love. These are one of the most convenient “green” switches we’ve made.

If you sew, they’re really easy to make, and fairly inexpensive. Basically, you just cut a circle a few inches bigger all the way around (so, if you’re cutting 3” bigger, it’s really 6” bigger) than the largest bowl you want them to fit. The larger size bowl covers fit a wider range of bowls than the smaller ones because with more elastic, they have more stretch/versatility. All covers will fit at least a couple inch range, though. Put wrong of your cotton fabric against the shiny/sticky side of your nylon, and place a few pins in. Then apply FOE just like you would for diapers, and just like it sounds- fold it around the edge of the fabric, and stitch on a wide zig-zag, stretching the elastic as much as you can as you go. When you reach the end, cut the elastic and tuck the edge under the backside; zigzag over. Dimensions of my large pan covers, which fit 13x9/15x11 are 19”x15”. My largest bowl cover is about 18” diameter, my large is 2 inches smaller, and the other two go down by one inch. I know that makes for a lousy “tutorial” (if I can even call it that!), so if you want to make them and have questions, let me know.

Life Changes, Vivi Grows Up...

2011-05-31T04:03:00.000-07:00

...dishes take longer, involve more messes, involve a clothing change...
...dishes area fun highlight to the day, giggles are inevitable, and we stay cool splashing....

Yep, I don't think babywearing while washing dishes is something I'm going to get away with anymore. Not since she discovered she can be more involved. Observing over mommy's shoulder was good stuff....better than playing alone. But choosing between that and splashing water everywhere? The answer's obvious for a one year old. We made lots of fun memories doing dishes while I was wearing her- now here's to many years having fun doing dishes together in a new way....because my baby girl's growing up.

My in-laws have an awesome three-sink/two-faucet set up in their kitchen, so when Viv and I were doing dishes over there yesterday, I plopped her in one of them, which she loved. She had so much fun being right in as close to the action as possible. I think we just might have to make that work with our oddly-divided sink! :-)

Doing dishes twice in a day....first with mommy, then with daddy...Ben, like the amazing guy he is, virtually always does the dinner dishes, which, depending on how fast Vivi and I cooked/cleaned, and how ahead of the game we were (or how wrapped up we got in playing outside or working on projects), can sometimes be quite a job- so Vivi gets to enjoy dishes during the day with me, and in the evening with Ben.

Mothering Two

2011-05-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

In anticipating this baby’s birth, and especially since a friend just gave birth to her second baby, I’ve been thinking a lot about being a mommy to two. At first, I was really, really looking forward to having a newborn again, and I still am. But even more….I’m looking forward to having a newborn and Vivi.

Newborns are so much fun…with their tiny fingers and toes, their adorable bums, their downy heads, their soft skin, and their sweet baby scent. I can’t wait to have a baby I can wear all day long again. I’m looking forward to sharing the breastfeeding relationship with a helpless newborn again. I’m looking forward to wearing this baby while I do everything in my day-to-day agenda.

But, Vivi’s at an adorable stage, and while 5 months will change her, I know she’ll still be at a super fun stage- one I wouldn’t want to trade for anything. She’ll probably be climbing on chairs and “helping” me with everything. She’ll most likely have a huge repertoire of signs under her belt, and probably be talking a lot more by then, too. She’s such a gabber, I know she has a lot to tell about, so as soon as she can put it all in words and signs, there’ll probably be no lack of conversation between the two of us! And though she’ll be more active and independent, she’ll probably still need to be worn, for the sake of mommy snuggles. It’s just the way she’s wired- and I love it. Nursing Vivi is so much fun, too- just not very modest.

If you put the two together, I think you’ve just created heaven on earth. Getting to snuggle the baby into the sling or wrap while Vivi stands next to me helping to knead dough or wash dishes. Nursing both at once. Or nursing the baby while reading to or playing with Vivi. Or nursing Vivi and spending some one-on-one time with her while the baby naps. Snuggling the baby on my front and Vivi on my back to go for walks. Watching their relationship unfold. Teaching Viviana how to be gentle, and watching as they discover each other. As the baby grows, playing on the floor with both of them…helping Vivi learn to share. When warm weather hits, spending time outside, all three of us together. Waking up in the morning with my three treasures- Ben, Vivi and baby- all lying next to me. Watching both my angels sleep. Seeing how they’re similar, and how they’re drastically different…watching each one’s strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies shine through. Yes, my friends….heaven on earth.

And I’m really looking forward to the babymoon. Vivi and I will be working hard this fall to get ready for it, so we can enjoy a nice, long, relaxed season of just being together. Newborns grow so quickly, and Vivi will probably need plenty of extra snuggles as she adjusts to the new phase of life…both of which make good excuses for preparing ahead and enjoying a leisurely month or so. It should be a ball!

I know…it won’t all be dream-like. There’ll be rough days….there’ll be nights when both babies need me all night…there’ll be spots when both are cranky and desperately need individual attention. Times when I can’t get either to sleep when they need to. Times when I’m too tired to lug around 35-40+lbs of baby.

Yes, I do know it won’t be fairy land. I understand that there will be difficult days- that’s why I’m fully stocking the freezer and pantry beforehand, and will continue to do things ahead on our good days- if I was going in blindly, I wouldn’t do things like that. So that firstly we can be lazy and hang out for a good while after the baby’s born as we soak in our new life, and secondly so that on the rough days my babies will be all the responsibility I have. And I know…that even there, I’ll get overwhelmed sometimes- because as it happens, I’m not super woman. I know sometimes I won’t be content to not get everything done. I know I won’t like letting the house slide to messiness some days because I decided my focus needed to be my babies. But that’s okay. Those facts can help me to prepare better for the challenges at hand, but there’s no reason for them to steal my dreams.

I’m sure plenty of you are laughing my ideals down to the ground by about now. You think I’m crazy, because after all, I have no idea. And in a sense, you’re right- all I have to go on are the dreams God’s given me and my experience as a mommy to one. But on the other hand, I can’t help but feel that you’re wrong. Because although life will change drastically, how it plays out still depends almost entirely on my attitude. On how I handle it. God didn’t design life with two littles to be miserable, of that I’m certain. He intended for children to grow up in loving, happy, nourishing homes, so they can flourish and fly. There just isn’t room for misery in that picture.

And because- people assured me that marriage would be so difficult, in a negative sense. They were wrong. They assured me pregnancy would be miserable and difficult…but they were wrong. They assured me that I had no idea about giving birth, and it was a terrible experience worthy of horror stories….and they were so wrong. People assured me that life with one baby would be very difficult and time consuming- that it wouldn’t all be like you think it is and there’s crazy ideas you just can’t hold on to (you know, certain plastic contraptions are just vital to survival)…and they were wrong. Oh, sure, there were challenges with each…but they weren’t at all the way people tried desperately to get me to see them. I think I’m starting to see a trend, here- I don’t understand it exactly, because I can’t understand why someone would want to make my life- and my children and husband’s lives- miserable. I just know I’m not tied in any way to replicating those lives. I wouldn’t have any business being pregnant if I did play out my mothering that way.

God planted dreams in my heart, just like He did with Vivi. And I don’t think He planted them there just for me to let them be crushed with negativity and stress. No- He planted those dreams to give me new ideals…something to strive for. To show me His ideals for our life. To show me how I can best invest in my children’s lives. And- He planted them to give me something to strive for on the hard days. To be able to remember when I let my ideals down…to be able to go back and try again. To cling to when I want to give up…when I don’t feel like carrying on my ideals. Because all that will happen…I’m not perfect, and if so much depends on my attitude, I have great control over what our life looks like…but also, great potential for failing sometimes.

So…those ideals might sound absolutely crazy- and until they can be played out, sharing them might make me look like a fool. But I can’t afford to drown in the negativity people would have me thrown in…and so I swim above, at risk of looking like a fool. And though I’ll do my best to be graceful with you if you try to drag me under, I won’t, anymore, just listen and act like you’re right. It isn’t kind, loving or just to my babies. My babies need me to hold fast to my ideals, for their sakes. Vivi doesn’t need to live with a mother who coats herself in fear for the next 5 months. And neither baby needs to live with a mother who steps into the next level of life already at a huge disadvantage, just because of my negative, fearful attitude.

If, on the other hand, you want to share with me what was hard, and how you conquered it, I’m very interested in hearing. I’ll listen with open ears, and consider what you have to say. If you offer advice that goes against what we believe, and what our ideals hold, the advice might not linger, but I will listen. If a certain aspect of tandem nursing was more difficult than you anticipated, I’d enjoy being prepared. If you found things that worked well for you, I’d love to hear. Like I’ve said, I’m all about preparing ahead. I’m all for considering what my challenges might be and preparing for them. I’m a planner, and I like to think through challenges and how best to conquer them. So, I do want to hear about the difficulties- I want to prepare, and I know when I’m there I’ll want to know I’m not the only mom who has long days. I just don’t want them to be drenched in negativity, with the seeming intent of dragging me down.

I’m an idealist, and so I cling to the very highest I can find, the deepest dreams God gives. Not so I can be the perfect mom, and not because I’ll be able to live the ideals out perfectly, everyday. But so I always have something higher to strive for…so I can keep reaching upward….so I have a fast reminder when my focus or attitude is slipping…so I can read God’s dreams for me, and hold them tightly when life isn’t all roses…so I can be the very best I can be- even if that isn’t ever perfection.

The Joy of Babywearing

2011-05-20T04:12:00.001-07:00

During a few-week phase of my first trimester with this pregnancy, I did very minimal babywearing. I was exhausted all the time and nauseous part of the time. Ben was doing all the shopping, we ate plenty of Pizza Hut (for some reason, I just can’t make homemade food sound good during the 1^st trimester!), and housework was minimal. I was still with Vivi all day, of course…we spent lots of time playing on the floor together. And she enjoyed playing at my feet when I was cooking or something. That’s something she still enjoys now that I’m back to normal- she’s just getting to an exploratory stage of life, and enjoys playing and getting into cupboards.

The “dry” season of wearing gave me a vivid reminder of how much Vivi loves being worn. Viviana still needs to be worn. She needs the closeness and to feel my body. She loves to play and is growing up, so she doesn’t need it all the time- but she does need some.

One day, in the middle of those few weeks, I had an unusually energetic day, so I decided to wrap my 23 ½ lb. Vivi on my back and get a bunch of housework done. As soon as Vivi saw me lay the wrap on my bed, and I put her on it, she starting squealing, squirming and laughing. It was so precious to see how excited she was to be worn again. She was even still and good while I wrapped her. She spent the whole hour or two of being worn snuggling into me, laughing, gabbing, waving her arms, and having a blast. So did I- I was so blessed to be able to meet my daughter’s needs and have such a beautiful reward.

Another time, I put her in the ergo. She was so peaceful and content to just nestle into me. I love getting to snuggle with my baby girl while doing stuff around the house!

Now, life’s back to normal….and she still loves being worn. I’m back to wearing her everyday, and we both enjoy the snuggles. I can’t wait to have a newborn I can wear all day again, along with still wearing Vivi as she needs…in the meanwhile, I’m enjoying snuggles with my Vivi, in between playtimes.

Going Green, week five- don't buy what you don't need

2011-05-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

-This one will be short too, to make way for Vivi’s birthday post!-

Basically, the title sums it all up…it really is as simple as not buying what you don’t for real need. It helps with keeping an organized and clutter-free home, too!

Stores center around promoting their stuff, so you buy it. They come up with as many needless items as they can, promote and advertise, and suck us into buying it. They run “great deals”, and especially in large corporations, they do price it dirt cheap…so that we think, “That’s just such a great deal! I should get it just in case ___.” Not only is it causing unneeded clutter (which means it takes more time to manage your home), and wasting money, it’s also hurting people and the environment.

I’ve been thinking about this one quite a bit since this past weekend, when I ran to Walmart with my mom. Looking around, I just thought “Wow….this is so ridiculous!” So much stuff and waste and consumerism. So much of the big guy being able to buy everything super cheap so the rest of us can have for less than it’s worth. It isn’t something I’ve thought about excessively before, but I want to strive for more changes in the way I shop…like avoiding more of the big guys. I don’t think I’ll be implementing it fully by any means, or at least, not any time soon, but baby steps will make a difference. We do some things- during the summer, I shop at a local farmer’s market. When I didn’t shop there, I often bought local produce from a nearby grocery store. But I know there’s other changes I can make, too….it’s hard to figure out where to draw the line, and I’m not sure what it’ll be for us, because some of the changes I could make will mean paying more- a “consequence” to fair trade. I’m used to being able to get stuff dirt-cheap….we all are. But I’m feeling challenged, like I should be paying for products what they’re worth, instead of getting cheap junk that’s hurting someone else. Like I should be getting more local. Like I should avoid the big guns. We’ll see where it goes for us…baby steps, we’ll find ways to make it work, and I’m sure it’ll be a richly-rewarding journey!

If you have a minute, watch this excellent video…Ben and I both thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it: The Story of Stuff.

Happy First Birthday, Viviana!

2011-05-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Viviana,

Happy 1^st birthday, Sweetheart! It’s hard to believe you’re already a year old….this year has flown by so quickly. But not so fast that we haven’t made many beautiful memories to cherish and look back on. As I think back over the past year, I feel so overwhelmingly blessed that God chose us for each other. It’s so special to see all the different ways in which you needed me to be your mommy…and I needed you, my daughter. You’re my greatest treasure, Vivi!

At 9:37 am a year ago, I was holding you in my arms for the very first time. I was already in love with you- but seeing and holding just made me fall deeper. You were so perfect, so amazing…and I couldn’t believe God had given you to daddy and me.

We cuddled and rested the first weeks. I could barely take my eyes off you; I would hold you and just gaze at you all day long. Daddy held you lots, too- he loves his little girl so much! It was so special to just hold you and thank God for you, realizing that you really were mine. You were a couple weeks old before it ever occurred to me to try putting you down somewhere…not that it mattered, you needed 24/7 touch as a baby, so the tries didn’t go anywhere- except about once a week, for 20 minutes, which I would use to spend some time with just Daddy. But- I just didn’t really consider the possibility of laying you down- you were so beautiful, so helpless, so dependent, so needy.

Mostly, the first few months of your life were filled with beautiful memories. But there were a few struggles, too. You were a fussier baby, and had your first cry spell when you were less than 24 hours old. I felt so helpless…like I was being a bad mom, because I couldn’t find anything that soothed you. I tried nursing you, and holding you against my bare chest. And Daddy spent a lot of time walking you. Eventually I learned that so long as I was doing my best to comfort and soothe you- to be there for you- the fact that you were a fussy baby didn’t make me the world’s worst mom.

You adored your daddy- you still worship him. Every morning the first few months of your life, you would fall asleep on his chest while he worked at the computer, and I was taking a shower. You looked so sweet asleep up there. You didn’t like very many other people though, until you were a few months old.

The older you got, the more balanced you became, and by the time you were a few months old, you were a social butterfly. Everyone enjoys you, and you’ll smile for anyone you meet! I was telling Daddy the other day that although you’re only a year old, you’ve brought smiles and joy to so many lives- friends, family, strangers. Your personality is truly beautiful, and I know God’s going to use it in huge ways. You use your enthusiasm and joy to light up many people’s lives- mine and daddy’s, first and fore most, but then, many others.

Before we knew it, you were becoming more alert, holding yourself up better, and in general, growing up. We enjoyed a wonderful fall together as a family. You were (and still are!) quite the talker, with lots of stories to tell. At a year, you still don’t get around much. You can roll over and scooch, but even those methods you don’t use much. You’re content to just stay in a similar area and play with what you’ve got.

I have so many precious memories stored away of you….middle-of-the-night wakings, early morning family snuggles, the way you lit up the first time you saw a squirrel, learning new signs, laughing and being silly together, wearing you through life, watching you and daddy play, watching you explore new things, seeing you figure life out… There have been so many days when I’ve felt overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness as I hold and watch you. You’re a precious treasure, Viviana, and you’ve forever changed our lives in all the best ways!

Love,

Daddy and Mommy

A Prayer For You: Father, thank you so much for this beautiful girl you’ve blessed Ben and me with. Help us to know how best to parent her…give us the wisdom and patience to meet her individual needs, to reach out to her. Help us to reach her heart- to cultivate and capture it. Thank you for the many ways she brightens up everyday….thank you for entrusting her to us, and allowing us to taste of her beauty. Help us to continue to grow in our relationship together over the upcoming year. Help me to meet her needs even when she has a new sibling…help me to see the joys in everyday, and not get stressed, thus effecting Vivi negatively. Thank you for Vivi’s smiles and enthusiasm for life…her special personality, and the way she loves openly.

Well....I tried doing the pictures chronologically, but it put them all in backwards....so that's the way they're staying. Chronologically backwards. :-)

Baby Signing

2011-05-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

There are tons of books on baby signing available, as well as lots of information on the internet. I read or scanned probably at least 20 books (which does include some board books) when Vivi was a baby, when we were pretty decided we wanted to plunge. Some of them were particularly helpful, but it’s certainly not necessary to read very much, because signing with your baby is so simple. It isn’t a complicated science or anything that requires a thorough education. I also really enjoyed the scientific aspect- reading about research and the benefits of signing. For the most part, I’m not going to get into those right now, other than touching on some of the aspects that were our main reason for choosing to sign.

I can’t speak from someone who’s thoroughly through it- someone who has 3 children, all great, early talkers. Vivi being only a year, we’re still in the early part of the process. But we have seen some huge benefits in our family already, as well as ways it has specifically and tangibly helped Vivi. So mostly, I’m just going to share how we’ve been blessed.

In a nutshell, these are some of the biggest points we decided to follow in baby signing, which are considered musts in most baby signing books. Pick just a few (3 or so) signs to start with, and consistently sign those. Sign them when you’re getting ready for the activity (or whatever it is), when you’re doing it multiple times, etc. Really connect the sign with the object/activity. For example: for teaching “eat”, we might show Vivi her high chair with food ready on it, and ask her if she wants to eat (sign, too), then we put her in and say, “Yeah, we’re eating!”…and we would comment about eating a handful of times throughout the meal. Make sure you say the word along with signing. You want them to be able to connect signs with speaking, since with a “normal” (hearing) baby, signing will eventually switch over to talking- or at least include talking, depending on your final goals. Some families like to continue signing and use baby signing as a base for expanding and learning more. We’re hoping to go this route, and encourage our older children to still sign- so long as I can keep up! Never, ever withhold something because a baby doesn’t sign it back to you. It might take a while before baby starts signing, and if you start very young, it could take months. Even after they start signing, they may or may not always sign it back to you. Signing is not something that gets disciplined- it’s a tool to communicate. Get excited with them when they sign- babies love being clapped for! If baby isn’t repeating the sign “correctly”, continue to model it accurately for them, but don’t correct their signs. Eventually, just through seeing you, they’ll perfect theirs. Several of Vivi’s signs have already moved through multiple levels of accuracy as she tries to copy me. And lastly, have fun!

As parents that believe treating children like people is of utmost importance, communicating with our children is very important to us. We believe that what children have to say is just as important and attention-worthy as anyone else. But it can be hard with a 10 month old, or even an 18 month old. Some children even don’t start talking well and clearly till they’re 2 or older. And this can lead to a lot of frustration- especially on the part of the child, but also for the parent. So baby signing appealed to us instantly. It seemed like a great idea to have a tool we could use to communicate with our babies at so young an age. It totally fits with me to find a way that Vivi can communicate her needs, wants, thoughts, desires, excitement, etc., with me. We love sharing life, and communication is a huge part of that. It’s so much fun having mutual communication as a part of our sharing life, now! Each stage has so many special aspects, and it’s definitely exciting to be able to communicate so much with Vivi.

We signed sporadically throughout Vivi’s babyhood, but didn’t get serious about it till she started tantruming a lot, all of a sudden. Thinking through the various possibilities and causes of the tantrums (because she never has before, and she was well-rested when she started down that path), we considered frustration with not being able to communicate. That was our kick into consistent signing. We chose to start with eat, play and light. We chose eat and play because they’re large parts of her day, and also needs/desires we thought her likely to communicate. We chose light as a fun one, because Vivi has always been really fascinated by lights. Sure enough, she loves telling us about every light she sees now! Since then, we’ve added all done, drink, outside and potty (because, yes, signing has even led to some beginning potty training :-)). It doesn’t matter what signs you start with; just pick ones that are relevant to you and your baby. Once Vivi masters a sign (I don’t know what “technically” qualifies, but we’re going with, once she signs it without any prompting, to communicate something), we start a new one. The rate at which she picks up signs is getting faster, although some take longer than others- and there are some signs she’s been signing back at me for at least a couple weeks, but which she still hasn’t started signing of her own accord yet. Most babies eventually get to a rate of one new sign a day, and though we haven’t yet, I suspect we will. Vivi loves having the ability to communicate with us, and gets really excited when she can use a sign to communicate, and we understand.

To get back to the tantrums- they’re gone. Just like that. She still has an occasional one over something- like when she’s exhausted and I’m trying to get her to sleep and she’d rather not be laying there. But for the most part, it seems all she needed was peaceful methods of communication. I’m sure as she gets older, and into more trouble, we’ll have some tantrum issues along the way, when she can’t have things she wants. But for now, it enables us to communicate which eliminates a large source of tantrums.

The first time she signed of her own accord, she was in the middle of a tantrum. It was a few days, or maybe even a week or two, after we started signing consistently. Ben was holding her, and she was perfectly happy, while I got dinner ready. Neither of us caught the connection till after the fact, but she started throwing a fit when I started cutting up food on her tray. Ben asked her what she wanted and told her that she didn’t have to scream. She seemed to think for a moment, then signed eat. Ben responded to her, acknowledging the need, and she was perfectly happy. Outside of tantrums motivated by severe tiredness, I think that was about the last one she had.

It makes me so happy to have a way to communicate with Vivi, so that she doesn’t get frustrated. It’s so fun to see how excited she was when she first realized she could use signing to tell us what she needs. It’s also helped eliminate some impatience issues we were having….like when I’d put her in her high chair while I was still cutting up her food, thus not having it all ready. I’m not sure why she stopped being so impatient, but I wonder if it’s because she’s fully confident now that I do know what she needs and understand her, and therefore will meet those needs. It’s really special to be able to communicate with Vivi even though she doesn’t have the coordination to speak in clear words yet…and it makes life happier and easier for all of us.

All that makes me wonder how many babies get spanked or otherwise punished for throwing fits that could easily be stopped just through a parent taking the time to teach them to communicate in a way that works for the baby. And it’s kind of scary to wonder how close we were to being one of those discipline-happy parents. I’m just grateful God spared us from that direction, and has given us the tools to teach Vivi how to communicate peacefully.

All that to say….we’re enjoying both our signing journey, and the fruit of it! If you try it with your little ones, I hope you’re as blessed as we’ve been!

Glamour

2011-05-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many parents go into parenthood unarmed, with this vague idea that there are certain glamorous aspects to parenting. And at first, it might well appear to be so. Especially in homeschool circles, it’s the “Godly” thing to do to get pregnant. Everybody and their uncle congratulate you and are thrilled for you the first time you get pregnant. Most first-time moms are center stage the whole 9 months. Everyone wants to know how they’re doing, what they think of pregnancy (and generally, how miserable they are), birth plans, nursery plans, etc., etc. You get at least one baby shower, sometimes more. Then the birth day finally arrives, and again, everyone wants to see pictures. Tons of people visit, wanting to see your first baby, and lots even bring meals. And the first month or so you’re totally caught up and enamored by this precious little one, hardly able to believe it’s actually yours.

But suddenly, somewhere in there, things change. Suddenly it doesn’t work to stay places till 11 pm. You find yourself rejecting invitations you would normally love to accept, because it’s past baby’s bedtime. You tell friends that this activity or that doesn’t work, because it falls at naptime. The number of diapers you change soars into the hundreds, and it’s not quite so new and fun anymore. Dishes pile up, and babies have fussy days. Teething kicks in, and you spend days and nights soothing a fussy baby. You walk around in zombie mode, because the most consecutive sleep you got the previous night was 30 minutes. As the baby gets older and becomes a normal part of life, others aren’t as excited about all the new milestones. Growth spurts, illnesses, long days, frazzled nerves, cranky babies… And then, your womb is filled again. And this time, it’s not quite so exciting for everyone else. You won’t be quite so coddled and center-stage. A few close friends will ask how you’re doing, but no one else really cares. Baby number two arrives, and there isn’t quite the rush for everyone to see him there was the first time. After all, they’ve already seen one of your babies. You might get a few meals, and you might not…there isn’t the novelty and need for an excuse to visit the baby, this time. Baby number 3 goes further down that line, and just try being pregnant with number 10, and see what kind of reactions you’ll get.

I’m not saying it’s always like that. Nor am I implying it’s been that way for me this time around, or that I regret not getting all the attention we got when I was expecting Vivi. The people that care about me still want to know how I’m doing, and how the pregnancy is going….but they wanted to know about me when I wasn’t pregnant, too. The people that love Vivi most still get excited about all her new milestones. Vivi’s still as precious as she was when she was a newborn, and I still catch my breath and enjoy just watching her. And honestly, parenting never was about the glamour for me. We’re still enjoying it just as much as we did when we started this journey, over 1 ½ years ago…more in fact, because everyday uncovers new blessings.

No, it isn’t glamorous…it isn’t sparkly and untouchable like a beautiful diamond….it doesn’t put me at center stage or make me popular or looked up to- if anything, it’s removed me from society. Instead, it’s a soft, beautiful joy….like a perfect day. It’s like uncovering new secrets and treasures in an open field, or deep in an undiscovered wood. It’s like peeking around a tree to discover a patch of violets you never saw before. Every day grows more beautiful, as I add more items to my collection- tangible, touchable items. No, they don’t all sparkle, but they’re far more beautiful than that, and I cherish the memories we’re making. Someday, when all the children are grown, and I am (hopefully) surrounded by grandchildren, I’ll miss this…and I’ll look back through old scrapbooks and read old journals and relish the memories. I’ll be grateful that my job in life never was glamorous- because my reward is much richer, my memories much deeper. If people pursue parenthood for the glamour, not only do they end up sadly disappointed, they also miss out on such incredible wealth and depth and beauty. Their children miss out, too.

Parenting involves many sacrifices. Sorry to burst your bubble if you were pursuing parenting with glamour in mind. Parenting is beautiful, but it’s a deeper beauty than diamonds. And if you’re ever going to get anywhere near discovering the deepest depths of it, you have to understand and embrace the sacrifices. If you can make this one step- tossing out selfishness and embracing sacrifice for the sake of your children- you can find rewards that are unimaginably beautiful. I know, because I’m tasting. I don’t know fully yet…it’ll be a great many years before I can understand the full depth…but as much as I can with 1 ½ or so years of parenting under my belt (and that counts pregnancy), I know.

I might write a lot about sacrificial parenting, and being willing to sacrifice your desires for the sake of your children, but it isn’t to elevate me. Because honestly, usually it isn’t that hard. It’s a lifestyle Ben and I decided to embrace a long time ago, and so it’s just life. It’s the way things are, and we don’t feel sorry for ourselves, or feel like we’re missing out on the “great” life when we have to make little sacrifices. No. I write firstly because I desire so much for other children to experience the joys of living with sacrificial parents….because it’s so important to me to see children treated like people. And I write secondly that other parents may taste the joys we taste- the inexpressible joys that come when selflessness can become a part of day-to-day life. This is important to me as well, because if the people I see day in and day out are any indicator of people in general, most people miss out. And that’s terrible….parents could not only be giving their kids so much more, but also getting so much more out of their lives, and they don’t, because they’re still clinging to glamour and selfishness. They’re still mourning that life isn’t as it used to be…still trying to cling to the old life, make this new life as much like it as possible. In the process, they hurt their children and they hurt themselves. They might get to hold onto some aspects of their old lives…but the sacrifices they absolutely have to make will hurt them far worse than they would if sacrificing and embracing the new life’s challenges and joys were the norm.

And no….even if you do live life with abandon, and do chose a sacrificial love for your children, it isn’t always easy. I would venture to say it’s easier, and even often easy. But not always. Sometimes it’d be fun to stay out later at an event. Sometimes it’s frustrating to not get to carry out evening plans with Ben because I had to spend the whole night getting Vivi to sleep and/or back to sleep. Sometimes, the sleep loss catches up with me, and I wonder if I can handle it. Sometimes, I’d like to shut my eyes and imagine away everything I’m behind on, in hopes a fairy maid will come and do it all. But those are the hardest days. And they don’t happen everyday, or even every week….unlike the blessings.

And the blessings….are so deep, and so wonderful, and so exquisitely beautiful….that I honestly don’t know how to put them into words. I don’t think I can put them into words that someone who hasn’t already embraced this journey would understand. They come in the small things, like whispering grass…small things that light up this mommy’s whole day!

It’s living with a little girl who is so happy and cheerful, so well connected and emotionally stable, so beautiful and content….because of the choices we’ve consciously made for her. It’s watching her sleep- seeing her sweet lips curl into a partial smile, watching her chest move up and down, admiring the way she clasps her hands like an angel- and knowing this little girl is ours, our gift from God. It’s communicating with her through sign language- enjoying her fast growing repertoire, and trying hard to stay ahead of her. It’s having conversations while we go for a walk, discussing all the beautiful things we see. It’s knowing that Vivi loves and trusts us. It’s seeing her develop and grow everyday. It’s sharing life together. It’s realizing Vivi’s a real person, and as such, enjoying time with her as much as I’d enjoy time with my mom or any other adult. It’s spending countless hours sharing small joys. It’s seeing her light up when she learns something new, or discovers she can communicate clearly with us. It’s seeing her excitement when we prepare to do something she enjoys, like heading outside. It’s seeing Vivi sign “play” excitedly when she sees that Daddy’s getting ready to start their daily job (filling up the vaporizer) together with her.

It’s knowing that this is where God has me. It’s realizing that nothing else in the world could offer rewards as great as mine. It’s laughing just because life is that wonderful. It’s living stress-free, because I’m enjoying this life of mine. It’s enjoying today while looking forward to tomorrow…and looking back on yesterday with fond memories. It’s conquering a large to-do list with Vivi on my back or at my side…enjoying good company and a productive day. It’s feeling small kicks in the womb, or noticing a growing belly, and smiling with thankfulness for this new life God’s blessed us with. It’s anticipating the upcoming birth. It’s planning for a super-long babymoon, and making plans for how Vivi and I will prepare beforehand to make it possible. It’s looking forward to being a mommy of two, and enjoying lots of relaxed time together with my 3 favorite people.

It’s living…loving…sacrificing…enjoying. It’s beautiful, deep and magnificent. It’s my life.

Going Green, week four- eliminating disposable cups, plates and silverware

2011-05-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

I thought about writing about cloth menstrual pads this week (and advertising me :-)), but due to a busy schedule, and other things I'd rather spend my time writing, decided to go for something short and sweet.

Let’s talk about paper plates, plastic ware, and disposable cups. We’ve used these very minimally since getting married. However, it’s only been since last summer that we’ve set out to completely eliminate them. Prior to that, we used them for our big Christmas open house parties. I believe we might’ve also used them for traveling when we headed down to Florida. Since deciding to switch over completely, we’ve hosted two semi-large gatherings…we had both our families over (around 30 people), and our annual Christmas open house (60 or so people). Otherwise, we’ve hosted various small things, but those were all under 20 people. We also elected for regular ware during our 2-week hotel stay for Ben’s schooling, and various picnics.

And- it really wasn’t as hard as one might think. You just have to make a party out of clean up! Its surprising how fast it goes if you can get a couple of people going on it. For the open house, we washed a small stack of dishes midway through, since we were running out. Afterwards, we had someone stick around and help with the clean up, including dishes.

My in-laws use regular ware for their potlucks every Sunday, which includes somewhere between 20 and 40 people.

I really hate buying a large stack of something just to throw it away, so this decision sits really well with me financially. But we also love the fact that hosting a big party no longer means a huge bag of garbage!

If it’s a new idea to you, baby steps might help. Consider trying not using them for your next picnic, or next party, or whatever next thing you might typically use them for. See how it goes…try it again. Don’t pressure yourself, and work towards making small steps.

Or maybe you’re the type of person who needs to just get it out of the house and make it not an option. I know I’m that way….because most of the switches we’ve made really aren’t that hard, but for whatever reason, when the thing that seems most convenient is right there, it’s easy to go for it. If it’s not, I don’t think twice.

I also realize that it’s a much easier decision for us to make, being a small family of 3, than for a family of 12 or 15. Being able to start out now, as our family’s growing, is a huge advantage, because by the time we’re a large crowd, we’ll be so used to living this way it’ll be total habit. Camping with regular ware will just be how we do it. But if you’re a large family and considering camping without disposables for the first time, it could be really intimidating. Baby steps might help….do what you can, and don’t sweat what you can’t. Eventually, you can get there, just like a growing small family will eventually get to the large family place without garbage. It’s just going to be a process.

What do you do to eliminate waste?

Vivi's Birth Guest Posted at Memphis Misfit Mama

2011-05-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

If you haven't been around long enough to read Vivi's birth story, pop over to Memphis Misfit Mama where Chalise shared Vivi's birth story- along with a couple pictures not included on our blog. All week Chalise will be featuring various birth stories so be sure to stay tuned over there!

Valid

2011-05-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

It’s much easier to make parental sacrifices and meet your little one’s needs selflessly when the need seems “valid”. Like staying up most of the night with a little one who doesn’t feel well. But when the need doesn’t feel “valid”…it can be a lot harder. Such as a night this past week, when, for no apparent reason, and even though Vivi acted very tired and never got hyper, it took over 2 hours to get her to sleep for the night. But as it turned out, she woke up with a cold- a cold that was probably beginning to bother her the previous night, even though I couldn’t see any symptoms. Suddenly, her need felt valid.

A thought hit me the other day. Something that is somewhat repetitive of what I write about a lot on this blog, in meeting your children’s needs, including emotional needs. But it hit in a new and inspiring way: every need of my daughter’s is valid. Sometimes, I might not see the validity of it till later, like our rough night. Sometimes, I might never see the validity of it. But that doesn’t change the fact that they are valid needs.

And when I say needs….I’m not talking just diaper changes and feedings. I mean every time she cries. I mean the nights she wakes up every 45 minutes. I mean the times when she’s clingy and fussy. I mean the times when she wants to spend the whole day nursing at her ripe old age of 11 months. I mean when she makes it obvious that she’s tired early in the evening, putting an end to our evening plans. I mean the times she takes hours to put to sleep. I mean the times she gets scared by too much hub-bub and needs to be taken away from a social situation.

As an attentive, caring parent, most physical needs are easy to see. It’s easy to see when a child’s sick, hungry, tired, etc. But a lot of people have a much harder time with the emotional side. Which makes sense…sometimes, those needs aren’t as tangible….which perhaps leads to them not feeling “valid”. Sometimes the reason for it isn’t seen till later, sometimes it’s never seen. You may never understand why your baby needed to be up every 30 or 45 minutes throughout the night. You might decide she simply didn’t, and resort to cry it out in frustration. But what if your baby really needed the extra emotional connection with you? Perhaps she’s more active and spends more of her day away from you. Perhaps that particular day she was separated from you more than usual. Maybe something happened that jarred her, causing her to need to extra emotional output from you.

As parents, we need to trust our instincts, and trust our children. We need to trust that all their needs are valid, not just the ones that seem valid to us. We need to believe that for some reason, extra care/attention/whatever is a real, tangible need for the child, and whether we see it or not, it will pay off.

Although, if actions speak louder than words, some parents really seem to believe this, it isn’t true that babies are nuisances on purpose. They don’t make it their life goal to keep you up all night so you’re nice and irritated. They don’t see how many ways they can come up with to pull you away from your “good time” just so you miss out. They aren’t annoying (unless that’s how you see them), and they aren’t trying to manipulate you into a miserable existence. They’re babies, and children, and they’re conveying needs.

As parents who’re very concerned about our children’s emotional, as well as physical, needs, this has always been a priority for us. I could tell you countless stories of times Vivi needed us, even though I couldn’t necessarily see why or what was wrong. Stories of times when she needed to go to bed extra early, and it interrupted our plans and what we wanted to do. But, there’s too many, and they aren’t really needed. See, they happen everyday. Everyday, our children have needs that will inconvenience us if that’s how we want to view it. Everyday, they depend on us and reach out to us to show them the love they need to feel.

I remember a time when Vivi was 6 weeks old, and we went to a CHEO convention (homeschool convention in Ohio). She was with me in the ergo most of the day, and all her needs were seemingly met, and she was happy, so I slipped into the next session I had made plans to hear. As we were pacing the back of the room, she started getting fussy within a minute of being in there. We went out, and tried going back in a few minutes later, since she seemed perfectly content again. Same thing happened. As it turned out, she was trying to convey to her mommy that she just needed some connection time. Being held all day wasn’t enough, she needed my full attention. So, she and I found a quiet spot (which wasn’t difficult, because most of the crowds were in sessions), and enjoyed some mommy and daughter time. We laughed and talked and gazed at each other for close to an hour, till Ben, my mom, and sister were done with their sessions. I love this story, because of how clear it was that she was trying to reach out and connect emotionally. You don’t always see it so clearly at 2am. :-) Similar stories have happened many times since…and it’s always heart-melting to see her reaching out to me.

I want to be the mom who sees all her children’s needs as valid.

Going Green, week three

2011-05-04T04:23:00.000-07:00

Going Green, week three

Welcome back! This week I’m going to dig deeper into cloth diapers. Hopefully this will be helpful for those of you considering cloth diapers (or maybe for convincing those who weren’t previously interested :-)), but are unsure of where to start. There is so much information in the cloth diapering world. When I first got started, it took me a long time to wade through it all and figure out what was what exactly. Since then, there’s still been some trial and error in figuring out what exactly I love and what I don’t. Everyone has their own favorites, and their favorites might not become yours. I’ll mostly share information about why to cloth diaper, how, the options and care…including my opinions and what I do. Enjoy!

Why Cloth?

In today’s society, not only are disposable diapers readily available, it’s typically assumed you’re going to be using them. Unless you’re dirt poor, everyone assumes you’ll take advantage of such a great- and relatively inexpensive- convenience item. So if you decide not to, people will ask why….they might even ask if you truly can’t afford disposables. So- having a good idea of why you’re doing cloth is definitely a positive thing.

Firstly, it’s healthiest for your baby. It’s more comfortable and it’s better for their health. I personally never liked sitting in plastic-y pads….before switching to cloth, it was the thing I disliked most about my menstrual cycles- even more than the bad cramping I experienced. But, comfort aside, disposable diapers are made up of a highly toxic chemical, dioxin, as well as others. They also contain sodium polyacrylate, which is why they’re so absorbent. This was used in tampons previously, till it was linked to toxic shock syndrome. Do you really want all those nasty chemicals on your baby’s bum? The issues just get worse the wetter the diaper gets and the more the sodium polyacrylate expands. Which is to say, if one of the reasons you choose disposable over cloth is to change less often, you really should consider changing at least as often as cloth moms do. If you’ve ever waited so long to change that you found tiny gel pieces on your baby’s bu, that was sodium polyacrylate- and who know what else. As a mom who tries to live a healthy lifestyle and eat healthy, whole foods, I was horrified when reading some of the chemical specifics just a few months ago, that I had ever put a disposable on my baby’s bum. I can’t believe I put all those nasty and dangerous chemicals right up against their skin- and where they’re getting wet; thus releasing more chemicals. Yuck! Needless to say, barring a family crisis, we won’t be buying disposables again.

Secondly, if you’d like a nice personal benefit for the ride, you’ll save yourself tons of money. Even the most cheap-skate person, who can roll in the best diaper deals, will probably spend over $1000 on disposable diapers for one child. How much you spend on cloth depends on whether you make them yourself or buy them, and where you purchase them from, as well as how many you like to have, and could range from $100-$500. If you spend the upper end, your savings may only be $500. But at the end of the spending, you should have diapers that are still in excellent condition. If you intend to have more children, your cloth diapers should last through several, suddenly increasing your savings by multiple thousands. If not, you can sell the diapers on Diaper Swappers or a similar site, or to a friend, and get something back on what you invested. I don’t think anyone’s going to go dumpster-diving and pay you for their finds.

Thirdly, consider the environment. Some cloth diaper users are really passionate about this, many cloth diaper for one or both of the above reasons. But when you consider how many diapers get thrown out per child, we should all be a little bit concerned about this. You don’t have to be a “radical green” or make it your life’s job to “save the planet”. But cloth diapers are a simple way to eliminate tons of waste. Diapers don’t readily compose. Current estimates suggest each diaper could take up to 500 years to decompose, and with the number of diapers the United States goes through per year, that’s too many. I recently read that over 300 pounds of wood, 50 pounds of petroleum and 20 pounds of chlorine are used to produce the disposable diapers one baby needs for one year. And that is just in production. That’s not the diaper itself- just the waste that goes into making it.

And lastly, they’re cute. They really just are…I love cloth-diapered babies! Also, they’re extremely easy to use, taking up a matter of minutes per week- something we can all spare. These aren’t the old days of pins that poke babies and are a hassle to use, and rubber pants. See the “care” section below for more details on what cloth-diapering entails.

Different Options for Using:

I’m a full-time cloth diaper user, and knowing what I know now (especially on the health end), I could never go back to being anything else. That means that for nighttime, going out, road trips, etc., cloth is what we use. But, that’s just our decision. It doesn’t get me the heroic mom reward or anything. (That, by the way, definitely goes to a friend who full-time cloth diapered all 9 of her children, even camping, the old fashioned pins and rubber pants way!) I just feel like I need to utilize what I know to the best of my ability…and that means no yucky chemicals being smeared into my babies’ bums!

However, if the idea of full-time cloth diapering is overwhelming to you, consider implementing it on a part time level in some way. There’s lots of ways to implement it so it works for you! You could, for instance, be mostly full-time, but take disposables on vacation and use them for a few days after the birth of a baby. Or you could use disposables at night, and cloth otherwise. Or, if you want to just start out on a really easy level, try using cloth at home and disposables any time you’re out.

I have previously used cloth diapers for road trips. Our family spent 2 weeks in Virginia for Ben’s schooling in December/January, and I used disposables the whole time. After that long of using them, I was slightly concerned about how easy it would (or wouldn’t!) be to swing back into using cloth when we got home, but as it turned out, we loved going right back to it, and I was so grateful to have her in her nice, soft, chemical-free cloth. Now I know more about the chemicals and effects and all, so our next Virginia trip, this summer, we’ll be taking the cloth stash along. We will also (hopefully) have a couple family trips, so we’ll be trying out cloth on the road then. I took cloth to a weekend retreat I was in charge of a month or so ago, and we didn’t have a lick of problems. It felt good to know my baby was still being diapered in the best, instead of that I’d given into my own laziness.

It sounds like a big deal to make the total switch- but as we’ll discuss in the care section, below, it really isn’t. Once you try them out, you’ll find it’s only a matter of extra minutes per week- and with all the benefits of cloth, that’s totally worth it. I’ve found that the best way to totally eliminate disposables is to not have any available- if they’re not there, neither is the temptation….you just do what you do. If you don’t have options, it really doesn’t feel like a problem to just do cloth. I do have some strays around that were previously an occasional temptation- but not knowing what I know now.

*True story of a time I used disposable and wished I used cloth: When Vivi was 6 weeks old, Ben and I, along with my mom, teenage sister, and baby sister, went to CHEO- a homeschool convention in Ohio. Since we were going to be gone for the whole day, I decided to do disposable diapers, since I had a gift package. I thought it’d be better to not have as much bulk to carry around, and, though I usually change often no matter what she’s wearing, it’d be nice to have something she wasn’t going to leak out of because I waited an extra 15 minutes till the seminar I was in was over, to change her. Well- we didn’t have any pee leaks- but she pooped 4 times, and every single time leaked all the way up her back, creating a huge mess that wasn’t so very easy to deal with under the circumstance. Baby poop never, ever leaked up the back of cloth diapers. A couple times when she was tiny, it leaked out the legs, but that’s a much less messy deal. And, I had occasional pee leaks. But gosh, those would’ve been a whole ton easier to clean up than the poop leaks. Next time: cloth all the way- if for no other reason than my convenience!*

What Kind Do I Need?

There isn’t a right or wrong answer here- which is part of what can make it so confusing. For different reasons, everyone will have different favorites. I like some of the different ones for different times of the day/activites. There are 3 main types of diapers, with plenty of hybrids.

A quick note on terminology and diaper make-up for the novice:

-Soakers/inserts are the layers of fabric (typically in between the fabric touching your baby and the waterproof outer layer) that soak up your baby’s pee. These are made out of a wide range of fabrics, most that you would buy are made out of some type of polyester microfiber. I make mine with hemp fabrics. The key thing is that it’s a fabric that absorbs.

-PUL is a waterproof fabric commonly used as the outer layer (or the cover in the case of a 2-part diaper) of your diaper.

-Most all diapers close with either Velcro or snaps.

-We’ll get into the different types of diapers and what they are below, but there are three main ones we’ll discuss: all-in-one (AIO), Fitteds and Pockets.

Size: There are two options here: you can buy/make all the fixed sizes (newborn, small, medium, large), or you can do one-size that adjust to be useable for all or most sizes.

One nice aspect to doing sized diapers is that you don’t have extra bulk on a little munchkin. For this reason, I chose to go with sized diapers. I like having them be as trim as possible, and doing sizes allows this. I also think that when I have two in diapers, it’ll be easier to have different sizes for each, so I can easily tell whose is whose and not have to readjust a one-size to fit one kid or another. The obvious down side is having to have more diapers and needing a place to store the ones you aren’t using.

Some of the one-size diapers have really great designs where they aren’t creating a lot of extra bulk. Others have more issues. I personally would particularly avoid an all-in-one one size diaper, because for your smaller babies, you’re basically just folding up the extra part of the diaper (including the soaker) and having it stick out in front. That makes it awfully bulky, which I just don’t like. Pocket diapers, where you use different size soaker inserts, and either pull the diaper tighter with elastic (my favorite design thus far) or snap it up with snaps on the front, are a good diaper option for one-sizes. Another issue is that most one-sizes don’t adjust quite small enough for a baby under 10ish pounds, and depending on how big your baby gets prior to potty training, they may not be quite big enough at the end. An obvious benefit is that you’ll need fewer diapers, because the same set will last for most of your baby’s needs. This means not only that it can be a cheaper route to go (these will be a little more expensive, though), but also that it’s less unused diapers to find storage space for. Some of those benefits are negated slightly if you have multiple children in diapers at the same time. On the other hand, some find it convenient for their toddler and baby to be able to share the same diapers.

Because we’re just starting our family, and Lord willing, would love to have many children, I think the cost/number of diapers doing sized will eventually balance out and equal with one-sizes. This is because even cloth diapers eventually wear out and need replaced. One-sizes, that are used for 2-3 years straight, will wear out faster than a diaper that’s used, say, 6-18 months. However, if you don’t plan on having more children, or if you only want to cloth diaper part-time, one-sizes might be a great option for you, so you don’t have to invest in a whole wardrobe of cloth diapers to only use part of the time, or with one child. On the other hand, you might just find yourself hooked faster than you anticipate!

Regardless of what you do, if you plan to be a full-time cloth diaperer, you may find it helpful to have some sized newborns and/or smalls to use before your baby’s big enough to use one-size.

Styles- All-in-one (AIO): An AIO diaper is just that….all in one piece. Essentially, it’s just like a disposable diaper, except cuter and softer. You put it on the same way, and either snap or Velcro it closed. After it’s dirty, you toss the whole thing in the laundry, wash, dry and use again. The soaker layers are sewn into the diaper, in between the inner layer touching baby and the PUL.

The biggest benefit is how easy it is to use. There’s hardly any learning curve, and there’s no extra time putting on extra pieces or “assembling” diapers after washing.

The biggest drawback is that because the soaker is sewn inside, these take forever to dry. Most likely, you’d need two full dry cycles, whereas other diapers should only need one. Another drawback is the inability to control how many soakers are in there. Some kids are massive super-soakers (including mine!) and need more layers, even if you change them hourly. Some companies (and patterns) solve this issue by leaving an opening just like pocket diapers for you to stuff extra inserts in as needed.

I have a couple AIO diapers, and enjoy using them. Since I only have a couple, I just lay them over a chair to dry after the first dry cycle, and use them as my last diapers, 2-3 days later, which is about when they’re finally dry enough. It should be noted that the natural fabrics, like hemp, do take longer to dry, and if my soakers were polyester, they’d dry faster. They’d probably also dry faster out on a line than hanging over a chair. I personally would never want my whole stash to be AIOs, because of the dry-time issues. I push how long I can go between washings to far to be able to futz around with 2 dry times or the number of hours they’d take on the line. Plus, I don’t want to use the extra electricity.

Pocket Diapers: A pocket diaper is very similar to an AIO. When you put it on the baby, it’s all one piece and fastens the same way. The only difference is there’s an opening (usually at the back of the diaper), and you stuff your soakers into that instead of them already being sewn in.

The biggest positive to pocket diapers is how fast they dry, while still being convenient and easy to put on. Another plus is being able to adjust the amount of soakers to fit the needs of your child. Like the AIO, not only are they easy to use, but being a one-piece deal (as opposed to fitteds), they eliminate a lot of the bulk people associate with cloth diapers. The biggest- and only that I can think of- drawback to pocket diapers, is the time it takes to stuff them. It really isn’t all that long, but minutes are minutes in the world of a busy mom. Depending on how they’re made, some diapers are easier to stuff than others. Fuzzi Bunz, for example, are a wider diaper, which I really like, and which makes it much easier to have the room to stuff, thus making the job a fast and painless one. It also take a second to remove the soaker after the diaper’s wet/dirty, but that’s hardly worth mentioning.

At least ½ of my medium and large diapers are pocket diapers, and I really love them. I love the ability to change absorbency, as well as how fast they dry. They fit Vivi well without a lot of extra bulk. My sizing is similar to the Fuzzi Bunz, so being wider, they’re fairly effortless to stuff. Vivi and I enjoy spending 5 or so minutes folding diapers together every other morning, and stuffing my pockets is a part of that routine.

A hybrid between pockets and AIO- quick dry flaps: This design can be a bit harder to find in the realm of pre-made diapers, although they are out there. And if you make them yourself, it’s really easy! It’s the perfect cross between AIOs and pockets, eliminating all the problems with both. My mom adores these diapers. Basically, it’s the diaper without any soaker inside (like a pocket with the soakers taken out)- except, it has a flap (or two flaps) sewn on top of the diaper, made of several layers of soaker fabric. The very top layer is made out of something comfortable for the baby’s bum. They dry fast because the soakers flap around, but the soakers are right there and attached, so they don’t require any effort. To adjust the soaker numbers, you can add a lay-in soaker underneath the flap if necessary. The only downside I’ve heard some people mention is that they prefer a completely smooth surface on the inside of their diaper, which you don’t achieve when you have a piece of fabric laying in there. This is not a comfort problem at all; for the woman who mentioned it, it was solely an appearance preference. Also, if you’re particular about how clean you get your dirty diapers before washing, it can be more of a hassle to have to wash the flap and the diaper in the toilet, when the poo’s still fairly runny. I’m not all that picky, so I haven’t had issues. Also, you need to be careful about the fabric your soakers are made out of if you go this route. Microfiber, for example, is so absorbent that if it’s left touching a baby’s skin, it will actually dry it out in its attempt to “do its job” and soak up any moisture. This is obviously a problem! So, either make sure there’s no way the under layers of the soaker can touch the baby’s skin (even if things slide a little), or choose fabrics that don’t cause this issue.

I have quite a few of these in the medium/large sizes, as well, and enjoy them greatly, for all the reasons mentioned above. My newborns and smalls are exclusively made this way (except nighttime diapers, which we’re getting to), and I wouldn’t go any other route with diapers that small. The smaller and narrower the diaper, the harder it is to stick your hand in to stuff it, so quick-dry diapers are definitely the way to go in my opinion! I love this for the smaller diapers, and it was effortless to stick an extra soaker under the sewn in one.

Fitteds: Fitteds are a two-part system. Typically, there’s some type of inner diaper that isn’t waterproof, and then you fasten a waterproof cover over it. There are many different designs for the inner diaper- some fold in various ways, some look just like an AIO or pocket diaper without the waterproof outside, some just wrap around and don’t use any fastener. You can also use the good old fashioned diapers in here. The cover is usually 1 layer of PUL, sometimes with another layer underneath it, with fold over elastic all around the edges. It fastens with snaps or Velcro.

Because of the two-part system, fitteds are often a bit bulkier than other options. They also take a bit of extra time to put on and take off. With all the newer frills, like snaps, they aren’t difficult or complicated like the old two-part systems. On the benefit side, you don’t need as many covers as you do inner diapers, because unless poo leaked onto the cover, or they had a massive pee that got on the edges of the elastic (which would probably only happen at night or if you don’t change your baby much) you can reuse it through several diaper changes. This makes fitteds a very economical option. Because of how the cover fits around the diaper, these are much more leak-proof than other diaper options, which is a great feature.

I have a handful of fitteds in every size, which I use for nighttime. There is no way I could put enough soakers in Vivi’s pocket diapers to hold in how much she often pees. But with fitteds, I almost never have a leak! Not even when she was younger and would sleep 13-14 hours and nurse hourly! I sometimes use them during the day, too, especially during seasons when she’s peeing a lot more. I definitely want to have some extras on hand for road trips, too, when it isn’t feasible to change her as often. I don’t think I’d want my whole stash to be fitteds, because I like the trimness and convenience of pockets- and because, whether leaking’s an issue or not, keeping Vivi dry and changing her as she wets is important to me…so, except at night and in special circumstances, I don’t need the leak-proof ability. However, I definitely wouldn’t be without at least a handful for nights, traveling, etc. I can’t imagine doing without these!

Different Brands: There are so many brands out there, especially when you factor in all the smaller companies run by moms. I don’t personally have any experience with the different brands, because I make my own, so I asked a friend to share her opinion. Holly does frequent reviews, so she’s gotten to test tons of different brands. Probably the best way to find your niche is to just plunge in and try something. DiaperSwappers is a good place to get used diapers at good prices. Etsy is a great place to go if you’re interested in supporting moms.

Here’s what Holly said: “Oh my, as far as diapers, there ARE so many I love. I am partial to Fuzzi Bunz (pockets), because they were my first, and their sizes seem to run big which can be a big help. My favorite big names though are Rumparooz (pockets)...a bit expensive, but worth every penny. Although they have a bit of a low rise which cuts the sizing down in age range. Bum Genius (pockets) are great as well. GoGreenPocketDiapers has really nice pocket diapers for extremely affordable prices...not all the flash, but adorable designs and they work wonderfully. For All-In-Ones, I LOVE the new itti bitti diapers...they are so lush and soft, and work amazingly well, but again, a bit pricey. And my favorite momma shop has to be BittiBumz on Etsy. Her diapers are really cute (fleece AIO's) and work really well. Ack, there are just so many I love, that I could honestly rave about each one in their own way. But those are probably the tops I would recommend first.” Check out her cloth diaper section to see her reviews on more brands!

How Many Do I Need?

This depends on how often you want to do laundry. It’s really nice to be able to pull out three days, but every other day works well, too. Newborns go through 8-12 diapers a day, so you want a minimum of 24. For smalls I found I still needed about that many….maybe more like 20-22. Around mediums, she started peeing less often, so we were only going through about 8 diapers per day. Right now, though, Vivi’s still in mediums and we’re going through at least 10, sometimes more- she’s nursing around the clock and drinking a lot, so she’s peeing often. Larges should be about the same as mediums, and possibly as few as 6 diapers a day. It just depends on your baby, and how often you’re going to change.

How to Care for your Diapers:

Taking care of cloth diapers is so simple! I don’t do anything complicated- I don’t even get my hand in the toilet.

When I’m changing Vivi, instead of tossing her diapers in the garbage, I just toss them in a giant wet bag- a bag that closes with Velcro and is made out of PUL. You can also use a 5-gallon bucket. I don’t put anything in it- just the diapers. Having the bag able to close, or having a bucket with a lid keeps the room from smelling at all. So- that part doesn’t take any longer than disposables. If they’re pocket diapers, I pull out the soakers, but that really doesn’t take any time. I wash my diapers first thing in the morning, usually, after Vivi wakes up, so I can wash all her fitteds, since I have the fewest of those. I dump the contents of the bag in the washer and run a cold rinse. Sometimes, I put vinegar or baking soda in, but more often, I don’t do anything. This takes under 30 seconds. When the rinse cycle’s over, I put in my soap (and sometimes vinegar or baking soda), turn it on a hot/cold wash cycle, and leave. Total time: about 20 seconds, max. When that’s done, I usually put my diapers right in the dryer. If your washer doesn’t do enough rinses, you may find you need to run an extra rinse cycle first, which would take you about 10 seconds. Putting in the dryer and turning it on probably takes 30-45 seconds. You can also line dry, which takes longer, but is a good financial and environmental choice. I would like to get back to doing this more….I just always end up waiting too long to wash diapers and run it really tight on time. :-) When they’re dry, Vivi and I get them out of the dryer, dump them on my bed, and have a folding party. We probably spend around 7 minutes, or sometimes up to 10 minutes…but that includes all the time we spend being goofy, throwing stuff around, and generally having a great time together. They go in a basket on my dresser and are ready for use for the next few days. My wipes, by the way, get washed with my diapers, too- quick and painless. I don’t fold them, just stack them in a pile that gets stuffed in the basket. I keep a small stack wet (in a Tupperware) so I don’t have to wet a wipe every time I change Vivi’s diaper, or have it when we go out and may not have access to water. That’s about 1 ½ minutes I spend on the wash cycle, and under 10 minutes folding, which I do while having a great time with my daughter. The maximum amount of time I would spend on cloth diapers per week, then, is about 30 minutes. And part of the reason it takes me so long to fold diapers is because of all the different kinds and sporadic soakers I have, so I end up sorting diapers/soakers before actually putting them together. If all yours are the same, or at least all the ones you stuff are the same, you wouldn’t have that issue. If all of yours are AIOs, it’d probably take you about 3 minutes to fold a load.

Occasionally, you may notice your diapers are leaking more than usual- or maybe they have a bad/strong smell as soon as your little one pees. Or, possibly, your diapers still smell out of the washer/dryer. In this case, they might need to be stripped. All this process is, is doing several washes without soap, to rid the diapers of any soap/other build-up. After washing your diapers normally, so they’re clean, run a hot wash cycle with nothing in it. If you have a top-loader, check the diapers during the rinse cycle, when there’s extra water. Make note if it’s sudsy (make sure to notice if it’s really suds or if it’s just bubbles from the moving water). If it is, run another wash cycle when this one’s complete. Continue till the water’s perfectly clean. I have a front loader, so I can’t really see. So, I do about 3 complete wash cycles. If your washer lets you do hot rinses, you can also just run several rinses instead of the wash cycles. I’ve only had to do this once, with one of my sizes, but depending on your soap and water, it may have to happen oftener for you.

A note about laundry detergent: I use Charlie’s Soap, both for cloth diapers and my other laundry. I’ve heard some mixed things about them recently, so I may be looking around when I run out, but I’ve been really happy thus far. A lot of people are also thrilled with Rockin’ Green, made especially for diapers.

What about going out with cloth? Easy-peasy! I stuff a small wet-bag (same concept as above, except it only holds 6-8 diapers, depending on how well I stuff it) in my diaper bag along with my container of wet wipes and a handful of diapers. Her dirty diapers go in the wet bag. It’s also a great place to put wet/dirty clothes! That’s it….it really isn’t any different than disposables. And if she poops, I don’t have to worry about finding a trash can so it doesn’t smell up the van- the wet bag locks the odor in.

For most types of diapers, it doesn’t take any longer to change than a disposable, but what about how often you have to change? Like I’ve already mentioned, it strikes me as cruel to leave a child I know is wet in their wet diaper, whether it’s disposable or cloth. I don’t care if it’s going to leak or not, or if, by leaving it a ½ hour, I could go through less diapers, because there’s room to pee again without it leaking. So, for me it’s not an issue. Plus, if you’re concerned about your child’s health, you’d probably rather they stay 10 minutes longer in a cloth than in a wet, chemical-laden disposable. All that aside, if you feel differently, then yes- you might have to change your cloth baby more often. If your priority is squeezing as much as you can get out of a diaper, you’ll get more out of a disposable. However, I know people that take the “wait as long as I can” mentality with cloth, and still go quite a long time without leaks. Vivi’s a super-soaker, and always has been. So usually waiting for her to pee several times wouldn’t be a good idea, unless I have a lot of extra clothes lying around. Sometimes, her diaper isn’t very wet. Especially when she was younger, there would be times when she was barely wet, and I probably could’ve “gotten more” out of the diaper if I so desired. But that’s not my style. So for me, it doesn’t take any longer….for you, it might mean an extra diaper change or two per day.

Like I mentioned in the fitteds section, I do realize there are times when you can’t change as often. At night, I’m not going to wake Vivi up to change her. On a road trip, it isn’t practical to make Ben stop every hour just so I can change Vivi. These are times when I want something more leak-proof, and will use it just so I can go longer. But if there’s any way I can change Vivi, I will.

Wrapping it Up

If you’re new to the cloth diapering world, I hope you’ve been able to pick up some ideas of where you want to head. If you’ve never considered it, I hope I’ve peaked your interest. Regardless of where you’re at, I hope I’ve given food for thought without offending. I don’t think I realized till this week that cloth diapering has become a passion for me, above just something we do. :-) If you have questions, shoot!

On Why I'm Not a Cry-it-Out Mom....

2011-04-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

I set out to write a thoroughly-researched paper. And I’m still going to do that, to the best of my ability, because I think research is important and necessary. I think each parent needs to individually research for themselves what they’re doing and potential effects. But first, my own story and why I’m not a cry-it-out mom….just my heart and my ideas, not because of the latest research, but because of the visions and dreams God gave me as a mother.

Because you know what? I think research is important and revealing. But I also think that sometimes, mothers (and people in general) just need permission to think for themselves. Moms need permission to trust their God-given instincts, not just what Dr. Jo-Shmo says. I know that can be taken to a harmful extreme, because some moms will use it as justification for the selfish decisions they make in regards to their children…however, those moms aren’t likely do the research anyway. And what’s even more hurtful and angering to me, is the fact that there are so many moms who are trying to do the best they can for their babies. Moms who really do care about their babies. And because we’re taught to listen to the experts, they gradually crush out their instincts. They do everything that goes against what they believe in their hearts to be best for baby, all for the sake of their baby’s “good”. If someone had just told these mothers, “It’s okay for you to trust your instincts and do what you feel in your heart your baby needs. GOD gave you those instincts, and the ability to know what your baby needs,” then maybe more babies would feel the love their mothers feel for them. More babies’ needs would be getting met.

Sometimes, this mothering instinct doesn’t exist. But I believe God created it in every woman. Some women crush it out in their selfishness, choosing self over their baby so many times, that eventually, it doesn’t even phase them. Some women let the experts crush it…becoming so convinced that what they say is right, and that they must set aside any personal feelings which will “harm” their baby’s well-being. Sometimes, an undeveloped girl, who perhaps never had a solid family or good mothering role model, becomes a mother, long before she’s mentally and emotionally prepared. But I believe in God’s plan, every woman has a mothering instinct. And the women of America and other similar countries can reclaim that if they so desire. They can grasp a hold of the right and privilege God gave them as a mother, instead of letting the experts fill that role. They can choose to kick selfishness and become the mothers their children need. Role models can become available to girl-moms, coming along side as gentle friends, guiding and aiding. We can reclaim what God gave us.

~*~

For years before I became I mom, I knew I’d never do cry-it-out. I read occasional research, but otherwise didn’t thoroughly research it. It was one topic I didn’t need to in order to reach my conclusion. I just knew, in my heart, that I couldn’t, and that it couldn’t be part of God’s plan for babies. There’s an aspect of God that’s nurturing, like a mother. The aspect that pulls us close to his breast….he chose mothers to show this kind of love to the world. And I don’t think cry-it-out fits in with the nurturing picture of God.

In my heart, I knew God had entrusted me with a beautiful daughter to care for to the best of my ability. Ben and I are the primary people right now who get to give her a picture of God’s love- the kind of love that never leaves or forsakes. Leaving her to cry in a dark room doesn’t get that kind of message across. She has real needs.

I know…she doesn’t, especially at 11 months, need to nurse every 45 minutes for nutritional purposes. (And most nights, she doesn’t.) But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need me. Even if her diaper’s dry, she’s not hot or cold, and she’s not hungry, she still may need me. She isn’t developed like an adult, and expecting her, at her maturity level, to learn to “self soothe” is absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes she needs to nurse just because she needs to know I’m there with her. Sometimes she needs to touch me just to know I’m taking care of her. There isn’t anything wrong with this. It’s just my baby girl acting like a baby….in older babies/children, it’s toddlers acting like toddlers. Someday, they’ll need to learn a certain level of self-soothing. Independence, to a certain degree, is healthy for everyone. Society doesn’t need clingy, useless, dependent people. But adulthood is a long ways away from babyhood and babies just aren’t developed to the degree of being able to healthily self-soothe. Before my little girl can become independent, she needs to know that she can rely on me. She needs to know that she can trust me completely, before she becomes confident in her own self. If I let her cry it out, but met all her needs during her awake times, I’d be conveying that she can trust me….sometimes. And that sometimes, I’m just going to ignore her. An older child might need to learn that you can’t always be there for them. They might have to deal with difficult situations in school or the neighborhood, they’ll have to reason out problems on their own. But not a baby.

If I were a helpless baby, I can’t imagine enjoying being a dark room, in a cold bed, by myself. Being put and there and told to “go to sleep” and then seeing the door shut on the thing (person) most familiar and beloved to me would be terrifying at best. And so…I choose not to cry-it-out.

Cry-it-out doesn’t fit with any other aspect of our parenting philosophy. And for the record, I do desire healthy, independent, confident, bright, social children. I think cosleeping, babywearing, and in general, meeting their emotional needs until they’re ready to fly on their own, accomplishes that. I’ve seen it in my own daughter already, and I’ve seen it in the lives of many others. Forcing independence doesn’t create independent children. If anything, it causes more issues for them.

Basically, I want my babies to know that I love them, and that they can trust me to always be there for them. Cosleeping, soothing our babies to sleep and meeting their nighttime needs help me accomplish that. Cry-it-out doesn’t.

~*~

A quick web search will reveal that cry-it-out is a very heated topic, with plenty of “research” on all sides. Everyone has their bit of proof….sometimes hard research, sometimes random opinions based on a few examples. From what I’ve found thus far, there needs to be a lot more research on this topic before we can make very scientific conclusions. There’s been a lot of preliminary research but not enough follow up yet. Studies like these are especially difficult and costly, because people need to be followed for decades to learn of all possible outcomes. Furthermore, there are lots of factors to weigh in- humans are such complex beings, that it’s hard to isolate cause and effects. Nonetheless, as more parents move to a mindset of being concerned about the well being of their children, and as more question the authorities and consider their instincts, I think we should see some pretty interesting in-depth studies over the next few decades. Unfortunately, that means that tons of babies in the intermittent decades are going to be very affected- positively or negatively- by cry-it-out or not. Which means we need to take what we have, trust our instincts and parent to the best of our ability with what we know.

I personally believe that cry-it-out is harmful, and that we’ll see more evidence of that over the next few decades. I think we’ve seen enough about the damage excessive crying in general does, and also, as mentioned before, I sincerely believe God gave us instincts for a reason. However, it’s a choice for each parent to make, and you can find all sorts of stuff on both sides out there. Like I said, we only have so much to work with….and if you, as the parent, decide it wouldn’t be harmful to your baby, it’s up to you to decide what to do. There isn’t enough solid evidence for me to try and scientifically convince anyone. But there is enough to feel convinced myself.

Babies only have one means of communication: crying. They cry to express all sorts of needs, and as parents, it’s our job to meet those needs. Many parents are told they must be careful of spoiling their baby, but you can’t spoil a baby by responding to their needs. When a baby is much older, you can tell the difference when they’re crying just because they’re mad (i.e. you take something away they can’t have) and because they have a need. Till then, you don’t need to worry, because your baby isn’t tantruming, they’re asking for you- because they need you. And your 6 month old won’t turn into a 6 year old brat because you answered their cries.

According to a Harvard study, amongst several others, leaving a child to cry unattended predisposes them to a sensitivity towards trauma later in life. Cry-it-out is specifically addressed in the Harvard study. M. Commons and P. Miller of the Harvard study say: “Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe.” Commons goes on to say, “Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma.” It appears that the high levels of stress a baby undergoes when left to cry uncomforted results in a permanent change to their hormonal makeup, thus causing them to be oversensitive to stress and trauma later in life. It means they might not be able to handle very small inconveniences without breaking down in stress.

There are many studies out on the effects of prolonged/excessive crying, and none of them look promising for the neglected babies. While most of these studies don’t specifically address cry-it-out at night, crying is crying. Also, we don’t know what “excessive” crying is. What qualifies? Would 30 minutes at a time? 60 minutes? Or is it 60 minutes a day? We don’t know- and, due to how inhumane a study with the intentions of finding out would be, we may never know exactly what the mark is that we must stay under in order to avoid permanent damage. A baby who’s made to cry-it-out, and only cries for 5 minutes before falling asleep, may not suffer permanent damage. We just don’t know when the hit point is. I, for one, would rather err on the side of instincts and attend my baby when she’s crying.

It might be worthwhile to note here, that we’re talking about prolonged/excessive crying alone. Some babies are naturally fussy, and we aren’t seeing long term damage so long as all their needs are being met- which is to say, they get attended to whenever they fuss. Vivi was an extremely fussy baby, and I spent many hours pacing with her, or trying other methods of soothing, while she fussed. Unlike with most babies, just having her close to me wasn’t enough to soothe her, even though I never allowed her to get to a point of hysterical crying in the first place. But, I was holding her close, attempting to comfort her. She knew- and knows- that I was there. The issue here isn’t fussy versus non-fussy babies….it’s responsive versus non-responsive parents.

Cry-it-out is typically promoted for babies as young as 3 months- and some even promote as young as 8 weeks. This is very disturbing, considering that all the research that has been done on cry-it-out (leaning in all directions- harmful/unharmful, helpful/unhelpful) has been done on older babies and toddlers. There have been a few 4 month olds included in some of the studies, however, most are over a year, with a minority of children in the 6-12 month range. I don’t promote cry-it-out as being healthy at any age (and there are some interesting things out there on the damage cry-it-out has caused to toddlers), but I find it most disturbing when experts are telling parents to let their tiny newborns cry-it-out when we haven’t seen anything about the success or harm of this mentality on babies this young.

Another issue to question would be: is cry-it-out really successful? Yes, some, maybe even many, of the babies learn to sleep through the night. And in our American culture, that’s what we want. But is that really what’s best- for anyone? The American culture as a whole is so set on the healthiest thing being to sleep 12 hours straight that we’ll go to any lengths- even that which feels against everything we believe- to make it happen. Some studies suggest that many babies, especially breastmilk babies, still need at least one nighttime feeding for nutritional purposes at 1 year.

Perhaps part of the push for sleeping through the night is our culture’s idea that babies should sleep in their own beds (often in their own rooms). In this situation, it wakes a baby totally up when they have to call out for you, wait for you, be removed from the crib, etc. This disturbs their sleep, and could, perhaps, eventually become unhealthy. It also fully disturbs your sleep, as you’re completely awake by the time the charade is over. So, it’s no wonder parents feel exhausted and desperate. But there’s another alternative to consider- safe, healthy, and ideal for everyone: cosleeping. When parents cosleep with their babies, no one has to fully wake up in order for the baby’s nighttime needs to be attended to. And if your baby is older and you feel the need to nighttime-wean, the family bed is an emotionally-comfortable (for the baby) place to do that. Here they can still feel and touch you (ideally, the father, so aren’t right up against your breast/milk), and know that you’re there. When they’re ready to be independent (somewhere between ages 1-4, usually), they can move to their own bed. By this time, they’re probably already putting themselves to sleep naturally, and they’ll still feel confident in their ability to come/call for you in the night if need be.

Many pediatricians and researchers are finding that the sleep a baby falls into after cry-it-out is a deep sleep as a result of trauma, rather than a healthful, restful sleep. In other words, many of the babies who cry-it-out eventually get so exhausted, they give in. However, this is after their cortisol levels have been raised, experiencing elevated stress, and more, which leads to a troubled (and unhealthy) sleep. The child might sleep through the night, but it isn’t restful sleep, and most certainly, it isn’t healthy. It’s not healthy for adults to go to bed stressed (that Bible verse about not going to bed angry really has some healthful merit behind it!), and it’s not healthy for babies. So when it’s bragged that someone’s baby “sleeps through the night” perhaps we should stop and evaluate just how healthy that sleep is, how it was achieved, and what kind of sleep they’re getting.

Other potential negative effects of sleep-training/cry-it-out include: detachment, long term sleep problems, brain damage and underdeveloped brains, and long term dependence. I don’t think there’s enough evidence to say for certain that these things are linked to cry-it-out, but there’s enough to make me very suspecting. I really hope I’m wrong and that there won’t be long-term negative effects on babies who cried-it-out. Many of the mentioned items are issues cry-it-out is supposed to guard against, like dependence. But, babies who are forced into independence won’t be naturally independent…these often tend to be even more clingy and to lack self-confidence. Babies who’re given love, attention and attentiveness will thrive and mature, and when they’re ready, they’ll grow naturally in independence.

~*~

Obviously, science never proves anything, and in this case, science is so lacking that there’s a lot of grey space. Which leaves room for each parent to consider and contemplate what’s best for their babies. And that, I believe, is where common sense and instincts come in. My instincts, unmarred by a need to listen to experts, tell me God intended for me to be close to my daughter (and future babies)…they tell me my body was created for this season of life….they tell me that when Viviana cries, it’s because of a real (whether physical or emotional) need…they tell me that I was created to nurture, love, respond and care for my daughter, at all hours of the day and night.

What do your instincts tell you?

~*~

Resources:

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

http://www.talaris.org/research/a-parenting-myth-can-i-spoil-my-baby/#more-189

http://www.infantsleep.org/cryingitoutresearch.html

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051200.asp#T051205

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/ http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/08/11/cry-it-out-cio-is-it-harmful-or-helpful/

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/15/another-academic-weighs-in-on-cio/

Also, Sweet Dreams by Dr. Paul Fleiss & The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night’s Sleep for the Whole Family by Drs. William, Robert and James Sears and Martha Sears.

~And various other sites whose links I forgot to jot down (or which weren’t overly helpful because they were more emotional than anything else)- found mostly through Google (or the sites listed above), as Google Scholar didn’t provide much.~

Going Green, week two

2011-04-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome to week two! I had best intentions of getting this written before hand and posted first thing this morning, but I’ve become rather lost in a little research project, and every time I’ve sat down at the computer I’ve ended up diving into that, instead of this. J Don’t forget to link up with your posts, sharing your story of going green, or a favorite tip!

An easy place to get started in the cloth realm is getting rid of stuff like paper napkins, paper towels, Kleenex and disposable wipes.

As a wedding gift, someone gave us a (homemade) tablecloth along with a dozen or so napkins in various calico prints. That made it quite natural to plunge into using cloth napkins, which we’ve loved from the start. I soon added a dozen or two more to our collection, so we could use them when hosting large crowds. Before getting into a more “thoroughly” green lifestyle, we bought paper napkins once for a large open house Christmas party. Otherwise, though, we haven’t bought or used paper. Cloth napkins are so easy- and convenient to have on hand. Not only do we use them as napkins, I use them to clean up spills, wipe Vivi up partially when she’s done eating (where a paper napkin would just shred and make a mess), and lots more. When they’re dirty, I just throw them in a load of laundry, and for maybe a minute a week (for the folding/putting away) we use cloth. They’re really pretty, too….it’s a easy and inexpensive way to spruce up your dining room table. My siblings think they’re the coolest thing. Especially the first several months after we got married, they were quite faithful to ask, before food even came out, if they could “please have a napkin”.

If you’re going green in other areas, paper towels are easy to get rid of, too. We have a package of paper towels my in-laws left here when they were painting, but otherwise have never had to buy paper towels. We’ve gone through 2 rolls in our 2 years of marriage- including for Vivi’s birth. This would be a good place to add- births are one area where we don’t intend to go totally non-disposable. We’ll still use paper towels, bed pads, etc., to make clean up from the birth much easier for my husband. I know it’s not perfect, but we figure if that’s pretty much the only time we’re using disposable stuff, we’re not doing too bad. :-) Getting back on topic, rags, sponges, or whatever other cloth things you have on hand work as great replacements. (for example on the “other cloth stuff”: if you use cloth Kleenex, they double wonderfully to wipe down a messy toddler.)

Kleenex is a recent switch for us, though over the winter, Vivi and I also used her cloth wipes- just not exclusively, there weren’t enough to go around. I used my diaper scraps to make them- most are made out of bamboo velour, and they’re the softest, silkiest things ever! I’m in love… These, too, just get thrown in the laundry. And no, it’s not even gross, like I thought many years ago!

Cloth wipes just make sense if you’re going to do cloth diapers. If not, or if you’re beyond the diaper phase, or not into it, cloth wipes or something similar can be really nice to have on hand for various quick wipes. Mine are all made out of flannel or bamboo velour, and usually I just wet them. There are also many solutions you can make and spray on the wipes, and I’ve done this as well. If you don’t sew, another option I’ve heard works really well is baby wash cloths. Some people have found these dirt-cheap at Goodwill.

If you do sew, all these items are really easy to make- and all are made very similarly. Basically, you just cut the fabric and serge (regular or rolled edge) around the edges. If you don’t have a serger, you can hem or zig-zag the edges. Especially of fabrics that don’t unravel, like bamboo velour. If you want something thicker, especially for your wipes, you can sew two layers together (either serge or sew/turn/topstitch). Personally, I’ve preferred just one layer of fabric. Dimensions of my napkins are 14” square. Cloth wipes and tissues are about 8-8 ¼” square. I also like to do some wipes that are ½ sizes- 4”x8”. I still use this size most of the time for Vivi, but it was especially nice when she had a tiny little bum!

If you don’t sew, these items are available in various places, and as mentioned before, baby wash cloths make great wipes. The first place I would check is Etsy, where lots of moms make “green” products, and you have the opportunity to support stay at home moms.

Although it might sound overwhelming at first, these items are an almost effortless way to get started. I’m sure it does take me a few extra minutes per week, but I don’t notice. If you’re totally new to green concepts, consider picking just one item- say, napkins- to eliminate, instead of jumping into everything. Or (as I still do) keep a roll of paper towels on hand, but out of site…so that if you feel the need to use it, you can, but they aren’t there to be automatically grabbed. It really doesn’t take much or any extra effort to clean a bathroom with a sponge and/or rag, but I know it was nice to have paper towels on hand for cleaning it when I had morning sickness for Vivi, especially since Ben was doing so much of the housework, in addition to his job.