Wednesday, April 25, 2012

An Excerpt From Vivi's Journal {the story of sleep continued}


...And my sweet baby is growing up….we’ve struggled with putting hours a day into getting you to sleep and back asleep since you were born.  And sometimes it’s become frustrating, and I looked forward to your being more independent in that department.  Sometimes I wished you would just fall asleep quicker so I could get on to the next thing- or so daddy wouldn’t have to spend the whole evening with you.  But now, you are changing- and it’s a bitter sweet change.  I’m happy to see my little sweetheart growing in her independence, changing and molding into a beautiful little lady.  And honestly, it’s convenient that it doesn’t take an hour to get you to sleep at night.  But it’s kind of sad to realize you’re no longer a baby….you’re growing up.  The past 5 nights in a row you’ve put yourself to sleep.  (Naps you still need me to stay with you, when they happen- which is about 4-5 days a week.)  We had recently started talking about trying to work towards getting you independent and after I nursed you in bed for 10 or so minutes, having daddy wait a few minutes before going in to see what you did.  5 nights ago on a particularly exhausted night, you fell asleep on your own.  Since then, we’ve been putting you to bed a bit late, making sure you’re really tired, so we can create a new pattern.  And every night, you’ve peacefully fallen asleep on your own.  One night, I heard you talking for a couple minutes…but you soon fell fast asleep.  Crazy.  Sleep has been such a journey with you, Little Love….to think that it’s taken another huge leap in becoming easier and more independent….I’m not quite sure what to do with it yet.  It makes me happy, and it makes me ache.  My baby isn’t a baby anymore….she’s growing up.  My heart feels ready to burst when I come in to bed each night, and see you curled up on your bed on the floor next to ours.  I’m so grateful for the journey….grateful for the opportunities every day to snuggle with and walk you.  Grateful we let you develop independence on your own.  Grateful we didn’t give up and try out cry-it-out (even though I was tempted a time or two).  Grateful daddy played such a huge role in it all.  Grateful you feel so secure, and that it was such a gentle, natural, sweet transition.  (well…assuming it was a transition and we’re in this for real!)  In spite of the challenges, I’ll always remember fondly the years in which I spent hours walking and nursing you….and daddy spent hours laying with you.  God gifted us with such a beautiful little girl, and Vivi, you’ve taught me so much and brightened my life in so many ways.  I love you, Viviana!...

On an aside: Ben and I are really loving having evenings together again!!!  When it takes an hour or so to get Viviana to sleep, we're usually both pretty zombie-ish by the time Ben gets out (esp. since he gets up super early every morning and I get up early).  All week we've had time together where we both feel more or less awake.  Cool!  Even though it is bittersweet...  The creative wife I've been wanting to be and haven't been very good at lately seems to be returning- hopefully to stay.  ;-)   

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