In her book, Created to be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl describes 3 general types of men- Mr. Command, Mr. Visionary, and Mr. Steady. In one chapter, she shares how most men have a little of all three characteristics, but are dominant in one. Each one portrays different aspects of God, and each one requires a different type of wife.
My husband is a very strong Mr. Steady, so he and I were talking recently about what being a submissive, helping wife to a steady man looks like. My Mr. Steady likes to have my input- he doesn’t like to do most things without first consulting me and getting my opinion. And if I don’t like his idea, he’s quite likely to rethink it greatly, and only rarely will he press forward making a decision I disagree with. Mr. Steady’s are pleasers- they love to make their wives happy!
He makes it pretty easy for me to be a manipulative wife and get my way or let my opinions outline our family. I have only to state my opinion firmly, state why I disagree, and he’s all over making me happy. For example, if my husband had a new job opportunity that perfectly suited him and would give him great opportunities, but I didn’t like it because of the potential of moving or giving something else up, or adapting to a new life, he’d be most likely to deny himself the opportunity, in order to please me. It wouldn’t matter how great an opportunity it was- he wouldn’t be likely to take it up if he knew I didn’t think it was the best decision. It could take place on much smaller scales too, over the little things.
On the other hand, it could also be a great opportunity to further his visions far more than he ever could’ve on his own. Now there’s an exciting thought!
Some people have this idea that being submissive means letting your husband make all the decisions, or something along those lines. But each guy is different, and the Command Man’s wife who must let her husband make all the decisions isn’t what the Steady Man needs. The typical steady guy will need lots of in put from his wife- there may even be whole areas of life where he’ll want her to make all the decisions. The best way a wife might help her particular husband could be to handle the whole check book and bill-paying, for another wife it’s making all the health decisions. Some husbands prefer that their wives do all the choosing of homeschool curriculum. Another husband might want to be in control of everything, or at least have a say in everything.
I think the fact that steady guys desire input and require companionship can allow an amazing and beautiful bond of oneness, as the wife seeks to know her husband’s heart. If a steady wife is going to be truly submissive to her husband, she’s going to have to know him- really know him. It won’t maker her any more submissive to be mute and insist her husband make all the decisions- he’ll feel in the dark and alone on the journey of life. It won’t help much for her to use the opportunities to sport her own agenda. No- what he needs is a companion that understands him and seeks to know him better. He needs a wife that can see the benefits in that new job, and jumps on board, telling him what a great opportunity it’ll be for him, and that she’s in all the way.
With a wife like that, he’ll be more confident than he ever was. He’ll be ready to tackle anything with gusto, and he’ll be excited about the opportunities God brings along. All it takes is for you to understand his heart, his visions, his perspectives. When he seeks your input, you can honestly share your opinion, understanding his heart and why he sees things a certain way, encouraging him in the direction you know he wants to fly in. And together, you can fly- as best friends and companions bound in love.