Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Other Side of Modesty

I’ve written at least four articles on modesty over the past several years, for various magazines. But since getting married, I’ve gotten to see the “other side” of modesty- the beauty of immodesty in the right setting.
Many of us spend most of our lives dressing modestly- to save ourselves for our husband, to protect our brothers in Christ, because it’s what our families do, or whatever the reason may be for each of us in particular. Whatever the specific case, we’ve saved our bodies- kept them hidden like precious jewels. We’ve hidden the most feminine parts of our bodies- not because it’s something to be ashamed of, and not in the sense of hiding it so well we hardly look like females…but keeping it safe, saving it for the day.
The day we become one with a man, and from that day forward belong, in entirety, to someone else. From that day forward, our bodies aren’t our own- they belong to our husbands. Our body is still a sacred gem, hidden from the rest of the world- we still interact with others clothed as before- femininely, yet modestly. But behind locked doors, with the man we’re one with…it’s different.
This man, your husband, is the one you’ve saved your body for. God designed one man to enjoy one woman’s beauty….and He also designed women to need to look beautiful to someone.
We live in a world with lots of conflicting negative views about sex. Many churches/Christians tell us it’s “bad”….it’s the hushed topic that everyone knows other married couples do, but also know they shouldn’t enjoy- and definitely shouldn’t talk about. It’s the topic the world’s used to trample and hurt people, particularly women. So no matter where you go, you’ll generally meet with a crowd where sex is a taboo subject. Occasionally, though, you’ll meet with another crowd- a crowd who understands God’s design.
God designed sex to be a wonderful thing, inside marriage. He designed for us to enjoy sex….he created sex to be a creative expression of love between a married couple. He wanted us to have fun, be creative, do new things, and enjoy it. Just read Song of Solomon….graphic, sensual, and sexual. God thought different places, a variety of moods, different positions, different lighting, creative ideas, new touches were all great things. You know what else God thinks? He thinks an enticing, seductive wife is a great thing. He doesn’t think of this woman as unchristian. Believe it or not, God didn’t create men to be visual just so they can struggle their whole lives. He created them to be visual so they can have a more fulfilling, more wonderful marriage with their bride.
So many wives are afraid to be creative behind locked doors. They’re afraid to let totally loose, afraid of what their husbands might “really think” of their body if it was on display. Or they have too many negative memories associated with sex. Or they feel it’s too “unreligious” and are afraid of what God might think. Or they just aren’t interested, and feel that since they aren’t interested, it isn’t their job to delight their husbands. Or some wives out there want to delight their husbands….but just don’t feel creative enough.
But the truth is….our husbands love our bodies…there’s healing for those with a negative sexual past…God loves couples who have a good sex life…and it is your job to delight and fulfill your husband.
Sure, there are crooked men out there, but as a general rule, most every husband loves his wife’s body, especially when she flaunts it for him. When she dresses in items that show off her body, and moves seductively, he’s totally delighted. You may feel uncomfortable dressing in a small amount of sheer fabric, or “strip dancing”, but you’ll drive your husband up a wall with your creativity, and willingness to delight him. Ladies, just knowing that you desire to bring your husband pleasure, will delight him. Knowing that you desire him will excite him greatly.
A joyful wife that loves her husband and loves having fun with him, no matter how the world would classify her appearance, is far more attractive and seductive to a man than someone with a perfect Barbie doll body who chooses to withhold her body and decides when the couple will and won’t be intimate.
So…don’t be afraid to embrace God’s views of sex, and get creative. Don’t be afraid to wear something ridiculously scandalous if the bedroom door’s locked. Don’t be afraid to venture out of the bedroom if the kids are gone, and the blinds are shut. My hubby loves “skimpy meals” as he calls them. J


P.S. No stage of life in your marriage should hinder you from being creative and seductive. Different stages require different degrees and types of creativity, but none are a reason for choosing not to be creative. Even pregnant-bellied ladies can delight their husbands. I’m working on developing a line of nightwear patterns, Sweet and Spicy, geared primarily at pregnant and nursing moms, because I don’t think they should miss out on the fun…it’s a combination of my biggest passions.


Being married does not mean that there will be no more tears, and you will be happy all the time. Hard times will still come, and you will still walk through valleys together. But when you go through the valleys together, the burdens are so much easier to bear as you bear them together, and you can support each other and lift each other up through all the trials. This is one of the great joys to sharing every part of life together.
The true secret to "happily ever after" is not that the trials are gone, but that having someone who loves you through them all makes every trial so much easier, and brings joy in the midst of it all.