In less than a month, I’m going to marry my man. Over the past 21 months or so, I’ve had the privilege of getting to know him- his personality, character, needs, desires, preferences- better and better. With the growing bits of knowledge, I’ve been able to grow into being a more tailor-made helpmeet. I still have a long ways to go- but it’s been a joy to share life’s journey with him as we’ve grown into being one.
Though I’ve been able to work at applying what I know to being Ben’s helpmeet, there are many aspects to it that won’t get played out until I’m his bride. As the date of our uniting has drawn nearer, I’ve begun reflecting more and more on what I want to be for Ben, and what he needs me to be.
Proverbs 12:4 says "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness to his bones." What does it mean to be a crown to my husband – what does it look like? I think it has many different aspects, but over all, it’s choosing to make him a king; my king.
An important aspect of this, which I’ve been pondering more lately, is how I choose to portray him to others. What kind of impression do I give others of my man? What do I want them to see?
For example, my guy is a wonderful man, and a people person. He’ll drop anything to spend time with you, help someone out, etc. He loves to serve (especially me!), and will readily jump up to help when he sees a need. He’s not a “social butterfly”; he’s more of a quiet people person, enjoying time at home with family or close friends more than large crowds. Besides meaning that others greatly enjoy him, it also means that he’s always readily available for me, and would rather spend time with me than do anything else. We can’t do everything in life- so being an available people person means there are lots of little things that get ignored or take a long time to get done. I could choose to bring those little things up constantly- I could accuse him of procrastination or any number of things. But I know he isn’t procrastinating, he’s just choosing to set relationships above to-do lists, counter-balancing me perfectly. I was recognizing a few weeks ago that someone who didn’t know him well might not see the “why” behind not getting certain things done- and I want to show them! It’s most important to Ben that I be available for him and willing to spend time with him, and eventually, our children. After that, though, it’s important for me to give others a good impression of him. As Ben’s helpmeet, one of the ways I can do this is to present an orderly, well-managed home to others, so they can be impressed with Ben’s ability to have an orderly home and have time for relationships and others’ needs.
This is how I want others to view Ben: I want them to see a man who loves people and is always willing to take time out for them- but at the same time, is a skilled leader of his home, and has a comfortable, orderly haven for himself, his family, and those he welcomes in.
For you it will look different. You might keep your home orderly because you’re married to a Class A guy. Or you might present your guy as a hard working guy, always with a need to use his hands. You might brag on his accomplishments, or let others see how gifted he is in a certain area. Take the time out to study your man, and how you can portray him to his best advantage. You are his representative to the world- others will see him through you. If you choose to live a wasteful, disorderly lifestyle, others will see him through that filter. They’ll assume he’s doing a thing or two wrong, and isn’t a very good leader. Or, if you plan your days carefully, they’ll see him as the best- they’ll agree with you that you’re blessed to have him.
The picture isn’t about you, but as a side benefit, your husband will rise up and call you blessed. It might be immediately- or it may not be for 10 or 20 years. But you may be sure he’ll notice all you do as his representative, and be grateful. He’ll notice the way he’s treated with more respect by others because of you, and he’ll love you for it. He’ll recognize he has a jewel on his hands, and there’s little in life as beautiful as the way a man cherishes his girl, his precious treasure.
So, who’s your man? How do you want him to be known? How does he want to be known? What does he want to die being remembered for?