Transitioning to Two part 1

A while ago, a friend, expecting her 2^nd, asked about my biggest tips/thoughts/advice on managing two. Well- I don’t have it all together, and each person has to find what works for them. But I had enough ideas I thought I’d turn it into a blog post. A multi-part blog post, at that! J Here, you’ll find a collection of ideas, humor, “advice”, encouragement and thoughts on what worked best for me…in no special order.

I’m learning that since we’re all such different personalities, we have to find what flows with our personality…not to mention, our life circumstances, etc.! So, take it all with a grain of salt, and see what works for you!

If you’re new here, just as a quick aside for background- Viviana is my toddler, and was 17 months when Timothy, my baby, was born. They’re now 21.5 and 4 months, respectively.

For more reading, hop over here and read Jessica’s post on mothering two.

-If you’re committed, you’ll make it. You won’t be perfect, you’ll make mistakes….but you’re going to do it, and with flying colors, at that! I know it seems intimidating and daunting on the days that one takes all your time. But everyday, there’s grace. And somehow, you just find ways to make things work.

-On a similar note, Necessity is the mother of creativity. I know, it’s said often…maybe it’s even clique. But, it’s so true! Different things I’ve worried about and wondered how on earth I could make work (for instance: getting both kids to nap), when I was put to it, I just found a way. We just made it happen, enough said. Not through miracles or super-woman powers. Just because we had to figure out a way, so we did. And usually, it was easier than I thought it would be!

-You can’t meet everyone’s needs at once. A friend told me this….a mutual friend had told her. It’s a pearl of advice, if balanced on both sides. I mean, you wouldn’t want to use it as an excuse to not meet everyone’s needs, or to not multi-task or to ignore someone. But on the other hand…if you’re a natural mama, in tune to your babies’ needs and with a sensitive maternal instinct (like we all should be- like God created us to be)- you could easily get stressed over your lack of extra arms, or the idea that someone has to wait. And it was helpful to remember….it’s okay. No one’s going to be permanently traumatized, and if I’m doing my best, and lovingly trying to meet all needs….everyone will feel taken care of, and will “still” trust me to meet their needs. What a relief! Usually, it’s Viviana who does the waiting, but it depends on the circumstance. That’s just because she’s old enough to understand when I tell her “I’ll be there to help you in just a minute. Let me finish with Timothy.” She doesn’t always act like she understands….it doesn’t cause her to stop crying and wait patiently immediately! But she’s mentally capable of processing. I can’t expect Timothy to understand what it means to wait when he’s hungry. At this point in life, most of his “wants” are needs which need to be taken care of instantly. On the other hand, though, sometimes he has to wait to be put down for a nap, or have something altered. Maybe I’m wearing him and he’s no longer happy- needs a diaper change and more effort towards sleep- but I’m in the middle of something in the kitchen, or helping Vivi get lunch. Since I know his greatest needs are being met, and he isn’t being ignored (I am holding him), I’m comfortable letting him wait. I wouldn’t be if he was playing on the floor. You’ll figure out what you’re comfortable with and what feels right to you as you follow your instincts!

-Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Even more chocolate on the rocky days. Okay, in balance. Seriously, though- sometimes a little treat in the middle of a stressful day does help. Whether it’s really the properties of chocolate (my mom and I have jokingly called it “nerve control” for years!), or taking a moment to do something for you and savor something delicious, or getting away from a stressful situation, or just the pick-me-up-buzz something sweet gives….it can be nice. So I’m not kidding! J

-Pray. And pray….and pray. I had really thought I had grown in a lot of areas in my life, pre-Timothy. Especially weeding out my tendency to get stressed/frustrated/upset/etc. I think I had- I just had a long ways to go, too! Becoming a mommy to two has grown me even more. I hate that my babies have had to “suffer” along the way, as they put up with my mistakes in the growing process. Especially in the early weeks- when constantly sleep-deprived, recovering from birth, dealing with Vivi transitioning, and the fussy newborn stage, not to mention PP hormones- I prayed so much. Sometimes, it was a begging cry to “please just change me” or “help me”.

I remember especially Thanksgiving afternoon, when Timothy was 3 or 4 weeks old. Vivi was exhausted and thanks to another young cousin, I was unsuccessful at getting her to sleep. Timothy was fussy. Ben was out playing football with the guys (we were at my in-laws). Everyone else was sleeping, more or less. I felt my frustration mounting more and more as I tried to mange the kids. I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore, and Vivi was so whinny and clingy. Frustrated, I pulled her off me too roughly. And then I broke. “Oh my God, what am I doing? Why can’t I handle this? Timothy’s barely into our family, and I can’t even meet everyone’s needs! Why do I have to be so frustrated? And why can’t they just be easy?” So I packed us up, loaded the kids in the car, told Ben to find a ride home and went home. The whole way home I cried over the fact that I had succumbed to my raging emotions, and my babies suffered for it. We got home, I loaded the kids up on me for a tandem walk and we enjoyed a delightful time together. Timothy fell asleep, Vivi was soothed and calmed….and so was I. We enjoyed a quiet afternoon and early evening together….and all ended well.

I still pray a lot, and still have a lot of growing…but thankfully, things are much more balanced these days! So, not to scare anyone with the above story- it was one of my worst moments. J One of those moments I wouldn’t have gotten through without prayer!

-Invent a “Word of the Week” to work on. This was born out of the above scenario….and honestly, I never moved beyond the first word on my list. I should get back to it- it was helpful and refreshing. I started jotting down words that described who I wanted to be or what I wanted to be like…stuff I wanted to incorporate into my life. My first word of choice was “gentleness”. I wrote it on a 3x5 card and put it on the fridge. On the back, I wrote explicit ways for how I wanted to incorporate gentleness into my life. And, amazingly, it helped me so much. I saw a lot of growth in my life as I focused on one word through the day’s various situations. I’ve got a ways to go, but I truly did become a more gentle mom. So yeah…I need to move beyond the first word and pick a new one, hehe!

-Kids are forgiving- be so grateful for it! Not much to say here…it just blesses me so much to see how forgiving my kids are of me. They always welcome me with open arms. It stresses Vivi out when I get stressed…but she never pulls back from me. And life is beautiful again for her as soon as I warmly take her in my arms and interact un-stressed with her. Somehow, they never hold anything against me. I cringe every time I do something – or a whole day of “somethings” – that I regret, knowing they weren’t healthy for anyone. It kills me to think that I could (do) scar my children, and that in later years they’ll have stuff to work through just because of my imperfections. But sadly, it’s going to happen, know matter how hard I try. So, I apologize, make up, and move on…grateful that, today at least, my babies don’t love me any less for my flaws.

What? I said I didn’t have much to say on this one? You knew I was kidding, didn’t you? ;-P

-Cherish the beautiful moments- for it truly is such a rich season! There are so many beautiful things that happen every day, if only I stop and listen and see.

Sweet moments playing at the park with Viviana, while Timothy observes the world from his perch in the wrap or ergo. Enjoying Vivi’s delight as we all go down the slide together. The irresistible way Vivi brings me the wrap and says “Wrap. Back.” when I’ve just put Timothy down to finish his nap in bed. The way Timothy smiles at me with his huge chubby cheeks. The way Viviana woke up in the night, and, without a peep, climbed up into our bed and snuggled against me- priceless. Feeling Timothy snuggled up against me all night long, listening to his soft breathing. The moments of tandem nursing when each baby is so happy with their own breast. Or, more common now that we’re older, moments like this morning when Timothy’s nursing and I’m sharing a healthy “shake” with Vivi. Or reading Vivi a story while bouncing on an exercise ball (Timothy in carrier) trying to get him to sleep. Squeezing my babies so close. Laughing, all three of us together. Enjoying sunshine together. Kneading bread dough with Vivi while kissing the top of Timothy’s head. Or seeing Vivi’s delight when I get out the crock pot as she proclaims “Beans! Beans!”, because she knows we make beans (amongst many other things, granted) in the crock pot, and loves helping to rinse them out and soak them. There were the first weeks when I would watch Timothy sleep for hours. There was helping Vivi adjust to having a new sibling, and enjoying her delight in him. There’s watching as Vivi gently strokes Timothy’s head- just like I do. There’s watching her try to wear her babies- just like me.

Oh, so much beauty! It makes my heart almost hurt, my life is so full of good things. Yes, there are hard days- you’ll have them, which is why I’ve chosen to share some of mine with you- but you’ll encounter so much heart-bursting beauty and wonder, too!

Our Tandem Breastfeeding Journey (with thoughts on sleep transitions, nursing aversions, and more)

I’ve been thinking some lately about how tandem nursing has gone for us, and thought I’d share our breastfeeding journey. In hopes of encouraging other mamas- mamas who want to press through a hard season and keep going, mamas who’re enjoying a trouble-free breastfeeding relationship, mamas who need to wean. Because we’re all in different places in life…and we all need grace and encouragement wherever we’re at.

I’ve wanted to tandem nurse for a long time. Partially, perhaps, because it seemed like such the “attachment parenting” thing to do. I’m so glad we decided to do tandem; it’s been a blessing for all of us! But I’ve also learned there can be some really difficult aspects (different ones for each of us)…and I’ve learned that many babies self-wean during pregnancy…and I’ve discovered that there are days when I’d be all for encouraging weaning. :-)

Vivi was 8 ½ months old when I conceived Timothy (so 9 months when we found out). That put pregnancy coinciding with starting to offer her solids. Having heard too many “horror” stories of milk supply drying up during pregnancy, I focused as much as possible on introducing fats and proteins. Vivi was very texture-sensitive, so initially, cheese was one of the main forms of protein. I also focused (as much as I could with my picky stomach!) on lots of fats and proteins for me, in hopes that could help keep my supply up. I didn’t have any supply issues during the first trimester, and somewhere between 11 and 12 months, Viviana was eating three meals a day, and often snacks, receiving most of her nourishment from table foods. Nursing was just a comfort thing. She still did plenty of it, but she wasn’t relying on me for food.

I don’t recall if I had more pain issues in the 1^st trimester than pre-pregnancy or not. I think some, but nothing major. Vivi nursed more than ever when I got pregnant…I think it was pretty much hourly most days, and she was nursing frequently at night. Sometimes only every few hours, sometimes (during teething, especially), every 45 minutes. Nursing so much during the day was helpful in getting through the morning sickness, since it was a quiet “activity” we could do together.

Sadly, my milk supply dried up in my 2^nd trimester. (Two-thirds of women have milk supply dry up during pregnancy. If you fall in the one-third category- enjoy it!) Since Vivi was already fully on table foods I wasn’t worried about it, though, which was a blessing and huge relief. In spite of not getting (much of) anything, Vivi continued to nurse like nothing had changed, all the time. Breastfeeding became more painful, but we stuck with it, because I knew Vivi was in no way ready to wean. Plus, I was still eager to tandem nurse.

In the 3^rd trimester, I came head-to-head with my first round of nursing aversion. It was awful, and I felt like such a terrible mother. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and I just wanted to be normal. I was incredibly blessed when I learned I wasn’t the only one. What sweet relief to know that it was, in a sense, “normal”….and further more, hormonally controlled, and not something that indicated I was just a terrible mom. Later, I read about it in Adventures in Tandem Nursing, which was encouraging and helpful as well.

I only had aversion issues during our nighttime sessions, and basically, my skin would feel like it was crawling, I couldn’t stand for Vivi to touch me, and often just wanted to be as far away from her as possible. I even remember nights of wanting to throw her across the room rather than let her nurse. She loves to caress me while nursing- it’s part of the whole experience for her- and I couldn’t stand it. I felt so guilty and remorseful….but there we’d be the next night, going through all the same feelings, hissing at her to stop touching me if she wanted to nurse. And I’d cry myself to sleep, wishing I could just pull it together and be a good mom. And then we’d repeat. I knew something had to change…especially once I discovered that what I was going through was normal (and can have a tendency to occur sometimes during pregnancy or while tandem nursing), and not just a case of me needing to become a better mom. I was also exhausted from being up so often at night- every 45 minutes at that point. Some nights, my issues would stress Vivi out, making it difficult for her to fall back asleep. So we’d be awake for an hour or more, until I de-stressed and could fully soothe her.

I’m so thankful for Ben during that season! I’m not sure what we would’ve done without him, because I know I don’t have the heart to hold her while she’s crying to nurse, and refuse her. We decided it was time to transition her to being soothed by Ben when she woke at night…in other words, night-weaning her. Me taking care of her wasn’t helping anyone….our breastfeeding relationship wasn’t relaxed and special; it was a duty I did to get by. Breastfeeding during the day wasn’t even fun anymore because it was so painful from nursing around the clock.

That journey feels a bit vague now….it feels like it’s been so long! We ended up switching to Ben putting her to sleep at night as well, because she was having issues falling asleep with me and we thought maybe if she didn’t go to sleep nursing, she’d wake up less. All-in-all, that worked well, and it seemed like she quickly transitioned (within a few weeks or so) to being used to Ben getting up with her at night. We went gradual with every step, and if there was ever an evening when she wasn’t calming down with Ben and being soothed by him, or a nighttime waking where she just seemed to need me….we went with it. Next night, we resumed trying again. I did, and still do, nurse her before she went to bed.

The first week or so of it was really hard emotionally…Ben and I both absolutely dreaded bedtime. We wouldn’t let Vivi get hysterical, but we would let her cry with Ben, since he was there to hold and soothe her. And she did cry. Within a few days, she caught on to the routine and would start crying before they even got to the bedroom. It was hardest when we couldn’t tell why she was crying. Was it just because she wasn’t getting “her way”? Or did she really need me? It was always hard making the call of when to get me to take over. But, once we got through the first week or so, things quickly settled into a pattern and before long she actually enjoyed going to bed with Ben. And we were both totally confident that what we were doing was the best thing for everyone involved, as hard as it was….we knew her emotional needs were being met because Ben was there to soothe her, and we knew that continuing in our old pattern just wasn’t working anymore. I would encourage other parents- with a great dose of caution- going through, or considering going through, a similar stage, to stick with it as long as you feel confident it’s right for you and your baby. It’s hard making transitions- it feels really hard in the thick of it. But often after making one, we look back and think, “Well, that was way easier than we thought it would be!”

Nursing during the day became fun again, and I was so grateful. I really wanted it to be an enjoyable bonding experience! After having the whole night to myself, I was always so eager for her to wake up and nurse in the morning, which was quite a change. It didn’t hurt as much with the nighttime break, either. Things continued status quo, pretty much, till Timothy was born. I nursed her varying amounts during the day, and still nursed her to sleep at naps. I nursed while I was in labor with Timothy….the last time being 3 or 4 hours before he was born (I did it in the pool :-)).

Enter Timothy. The tandem adventure began. I have many, many sweet memories of our journey- it’s been a lot of fun. I nursed them together for the first time during the first day of Timothy’s life, which was a rather special mommy moment. Tandem nursing was a life saver (along with tandem wearing) during the first couple months. It was a great way to meet everyone’s needs at the same time. Usually, nursing solved everyone’s problems, and it forced me to sit down and refocus.

During those first couple months, I often nursed Vivi 6-8 times a day. It worked. For all of us. It helped life to transition, it helped her to know she wasn’t ousted, it met her emotional needs….all while meeting Timothy’s needs. Breastfeeding didn’t hurt nearly as much as it did during pregnancy, either, which was fun.

After that, things started slowing down. And somewhere in there, I started having nursing aversion issues again. I gradually started to encourage Vivi to nurse less, and now she only nurses when she wakes up and before nap and bed, each for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, at her request, I’ll throw in another feeding or two, but typically it’s just the three. Some would say that isn’t totally baby-led weaning. But it’s what works for us. I want breastfeeding to be pleasurable for both of us- a time of bonding and snuggling. If it isn’t that, we need to find other ways to enjoy each other.

Back to the nursing aversion issues. I want to share, not because I want to scare moms who’re considering tandem nursing. Not because I want to be made out to be a martyr. Not because I want to complain. Not because I want to be criticized for not getting through it better. But because it truly was more refreshing than I can describe to discover I’m not the only one. And I imagine that’s the case for another mama out there. So I hope, in reading, you get to inhale a breath of fresh air, too. I hope you cry tears of joy and relief and know that you really aren’t a terrible mom. Because that’s how I felt, thanks to one mom’s honesty.

My nursing aversion really hasn’t been a huge part of our breastfeeding journey. Most of it has been totally fine, without incident. And sometimes the aversion “symptoms” aren’t a big deal. It’s always been worth fighting through (to a certain degree- along with finding ways to help, like cutting out certain sessions), and we’ve always gotten to see the other side. I wouldn’t trade tandem nursing for a moment, and I think it’s played a key role in helping Vivi adjust to life’s changes.

When I started having issues again- same “symptoms” as before- I was devastated. I just wished I could be normal. I felt like I so badly want to meet my babies’ needs- why won’t my body just cooperate? Why can’t I just break past it and get over myself? But once again, I searched for ways to lessen it without weaning all together. I found it was helpful to shorten (or have the ability to shorten without drama) our nursing sessions when I needed to. The biggest one for that was nap- it was stressful to lay there, feeling all the terrible feelings mounting, but feel like I couldn’t stop nursing or I’d forfeit her nap. It’s only been in the past month that she’s started falling asleep at nap without nursing (and we still have napless days- thanks to trying to work with two babies who each have unique sleep issues/needs)…prior to that, we just got along the best we could.

Now, I stop nursing when I need to, whether that’s 5 minutes in or 10 or something else. And Vivi’s pretty good about not minding. It enables us to continue snuggling or do something fun together- accomplishing what’s really at the heart of extended breastfeeding.

I rarely tandem nurse the babies together anymore, since Vivi mostly nurses when Timothy’s asleep. But sometimes, when I’m nursing Timothy and he latches off, Vivi swiftly leans in for a mouthful. :-) I know I’ll laugh over the memory in future years- she looks so funny twisting herself into whatever position she has to in order to take advantage of the uncovered breast!

I don’t see fully-weaning Viviana anytime soon- nor do I see her self-weaning in the near future. I’m not sure yet about nursing multiples while pregnant or triandem nursing…..I guess we’ll cross that bridge when/if we get there!

P.S. Besides the link I mentioned above, check out Dulce's other post on ideas for dealing with aversions. For that matter, read all her stuff. Her blog is incredibly encouraging if you're into non-mainstream (and even non-typical-Christian) stuff!

Breaking The Sugar Fast (and a general update)

(Um, seriously? A 3 page post that’s mostly just an update on our kitchen adventures? Sorry…I obviously have a knack for using lots of words! :-))

I would like to write more often…but right now, writing is something I do in my free time. The stuff that exists when both babies are napping at the same time- which doesn’t happen often. I don’t like to be on the computer or phone when they’re awake, so…. I write for fun. And I love blogging, and am quite grateful for all the people who invest their time in reading my small and inconsistent blog. :-) Nonetheless, blogging is something I do in my free time. I don’t keep up with a certain schedule, I don’t host giveaways, I don’t have a large fan-base I feel obligated to keep up with daily posts for, it’s not a business. It’s just that writing is ingrained in me and sometimes I have to get something out.

Anyway….that was kind of random. It’s just a little explanation for why my appearances are so random!

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Tuesday we broke our month-long sweetener fast. Yummy! Homemade honey-vanilla ice cream with homemade chocolate chips and homemade peanutbutter sauce. Wow. I have totally missed that stuff.

But- the fast hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought it would be. After the first few days, it gradually got easier. In the first couple weeks or so, there were still times when I would get strong cravings for something illegal…but since then, it really hasn’t been a problem at all. Although I missed our treats, I also felt like I *could* go on indefinitely, more or less. And I’ve noticed that a lot of stuff just doesn’t have any appeal for me. White sugar stuff, processed junk, processed snacks….I’m sure I might get bad again (like, if I get pregnant again, especially- I can’t seem to crave anything good when I’m pregnant!), but right now, I wouldn’t have any issues turning those foods down. They’re not stuff we buy, anyway- but it’s stuff I would previously have been tempted by at get-togethers or other peoples’ houses. Right now, I just want my good stuff.

So, I’m really grateful we took the plunge and did this. It’s also encouraged me to look for ways to cut down/out unnecessary sweeteners. There are so many foods that have miniscule (or not) amounts of sweetener, and in many of them, I’ve found it isn’t necessary at all. Recent examples in which I’ve totally removed sweetener are sourdough waffles, sourdough pancakes and sourdough English muffins. There are other things I’ve cut it down in, and we’ll be trying baked oatmeal sometime soon with dried fruit instead of sweeteners.

There are a ton of foods that taste sweet to me, now…and, I’ve learned to really appreciate a wider range of flavors. Sweet is so “it”….many of us have lost site of how good other flavors are. I’m falling in love with sourdough. I’m enjoying veggies for snacking- and noticing how sweet peppers are. Or tortillas. I adore sautéed peppers and onions and have been making/eating them with everything.

Besides the sugar-free fast, our general lifestyle changes have gone really well thus far. We’re really enjoying them, and feel healthier than we ever have before. Once in a while, it feels like there’s too much to do in the kitchen…but for the most part, we’re settling into normal routines. In some ways, doing all the soaking, fermenting, culturing, etc., is easier. It breaks things up so I don’t have to do all the steps at once. It can be 5 minutes before bed and 10 minutes in the morning and voila! We have bread dough. The biggest thing is just planning ahead. I feel like that still takes a bit of extra time, as I spend several minutes a week (and generally a minute or two at breakfast each day) planning things out and figuring out when what needs to be started based on when we want to eat it, or when the oven will be available, etc. The more we get into it, the easier that gets and the less time and mental-energy it takes.

The biggest ticker is planning ahead. Having a few meals or ready-made ingredients (like tortillas and beans) in the freezer has been crucial to sticking with our properly-prepared-grains commitment. I meal plan which is huge (and thankfully, that’s already well-ingrained habit), but there have been many days over the past month or so when we planned to get together with family and it got canceled for illness. That left me, at 1 in the afternoon, needing to come up with something for dinner- more than what I had planned on taking. Thankfully, I have had stuff in the freezer, so I’ll continue to try to keep things on hand to keep us from slipping under un-planned “emergencies”.

And- I successfully started my own sourdough! I’m so excited…and I’ve been loving using it. I’ve had a starter before (twice), both from a friend. I stored it in the fridge and tried to use every week or two, but I wasn’t properly using it (as in, for properly prepared grains). At a friend’s recommendation (keep meaning to tell you, THANK YOU, Susan!), I bought the GNOWFGLINS e-book on sourdough, and it’s been so helpful. My starter is beautiful, and thanks to some of the tips in the book, it works super well without being too sour. It’s currently living on my counter and I’m hoping to just keep it there. Plus, I’m learning how to use sourdough “properly” and how to use it without using any yeast….something I hadn’t done before.

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In light of all that, it’s been interesting to discuss where we go from here. Now we can consume grains and sweets again…but we don’t want to revert to old (bad) habits. Obviously, properly preparing our grains, nuts, seeds and beans is a huge step as far as that goes. And I’m continually cutting down the amounts of sweeteners I use (for instance, in a 6 qt batch of ice cream, using 2/3 cup honey). I’m becoming even more sensitive to how much sweetener is in stuff and feeling like it just doesn’t need it. That’s all good….still, it’d be easy to consume more than we need. So we talked about it, and have set up some general guidelines we hope to stick with. They can be tampered with, especially for special celebrations and out-of-the-ordinary weeks. But in general, I’m hoping to stick with it.

We’ll keep doing 100% soaked/sprouted/sourdough for grains, and soaking beans, nuts and seeds (more or less…). We’ll continue to do 100% from-scratch foods (well, more or less…and I’m remembering, different seasons for different things). We’ll keep moving forward into more culturing and fermenting. We’ll continue working on adapting our taste buds to enjoy new flavors. We’ll keep cutting down sweeteners.

We want to continue to make sure we don’t focus too much on grains. So, we’re planning on at least 4-5 breakfasts per week being egg-based, and at least 2 of those being grainless. For example, we might have breakfast burritos or sourdough English muffin egg sandwiches on non-grainless days and omelets, scrambled eggs, etc. on grainless days. I’ll try to keep up with green smoothies at least 4-5 breakfasts per week….if I hit every day, then great, but if not, I’m not going to stress about it. On the extra days- we could do granola or oatmeal or crepe rolls (with fruit and ricotta filling) or leftover (healthy) desserts.

Ben wants his lunches to be minimal on grains. Vivi and I usually have some sort of grain at lunch. Dinners are fairly balanced- they almost always have grain of some sort, but I try to keep it balanced with plenty of protein, fats and veggies.

We’re still trying to do 2 large servings (and optimally, 3, which happens on many days) of veggies a day. We consume fruit one to three times a day, usually, occasionally more, sometimes less. We enjoy it, but we try to eat plenty of other good stuff, too, since fruit is still sugar-laden. Currently, it’s typical a green smoothie in the morning, and a grapefruit at some other point in the day….and sometimes something else. Especially Vivi, who might eat fruit for/with a snack.

We’re also trying to continue to incorporate more and more lacto-fermented and cultured stuff into our daily diet.

We’ll plan a dessert once a week. We might end up eating it twice a week or so, because of leftovers. But the plan is to only make something once a week.

Personally…I’m going to work on continuing to reach for the new snacks I’ve found over the past month or so when I need a pick-me-up, instead of returning to old habits which mostly involve chocolate. I’ll still indulge sometimes, but hopefully overall, I’ll stay cleaner than I was. I’ve been a little afraid to be “liberated” from the sugar fast, hoping I have enough will-power to keep going. I don’t want to give up the health we’re experiencing….but I do love my chocolate and sweets. :-)

That’s where we’re at. I’m excited to keep going, since we’re enjoying our health so much. We’re also loving all the good flavors in food, and enjoying wonderfully healthy meals that taste so incredible you can’t wait for lunchtime and leftovers. (although, Ben doesn’t eat leftovers very often these days….he’s requested stuff that doesn’t have to be heated more, so that he doesn’t have to use the microwave- what an awesome guy, huh? It’s so much fun having a husband who’s totally up for whatever I decide, and doesn’t have any bad habits he clings to.)

Like Mother, Like Daughter (or, in which Vivi begins her babywearing adventure!)

(written 2/7/2012)

When we were down in Lynchburg, VA last summer (for Ben’s intensive classes at Liberty University) Viviana and I got to visit the Kozy Carrier mei tai home and meet Kristi….so much fun! While we were there, Kristi gave Vivi her own Kid Kozy (thanks, Kristi!). Since Vivi wasn’t walking yet, I decided to set it aside for Christmas or some special holiday. At Christmas, Vivi was just taking her first toddly steps…still not quite up for babywearing, so I still kept it aside. But over the past week or two, crawling has phased out and Viviana is officially a walker! 20 months old…and in timing that was perfect for her. She’s taken her time in becoming independent, but man is she heading that direction- sometimes it feels a little too fast. J

A bit of background before the next part: Viviana calls our ergo, beco and mei tai “walks”. They all get the same name because they look similar – and they’re called “walks” because the ergo is what Ben always carries Vivi in when we go for walks. My sling and wrap are both called slings….and sometimes, when Timothy’s fussy, Vivi tells me to put him in the sling, since he sleeps in the wrap. J Otherwise, she tells me to nurse him. Yeah- she’s already a bossy, attentive and caring older sister!

This morning, she was trying to put the beco on, and quite proud of herself as she exclaimed “Mama, walk!”. And then I knew….it’s time. Today is the special-occasion day. So I told her I had a fun present, and to get her baby and come to the living room. She quickly came toddling in with her babies, and I showed her the mei tai and helped her put it on. She was so proud and so excited! And so adorable. It was a rather heart-bursting moment. It’s incredible how much influence we have on our little ones from such an early age.

And you know what she did, first thing? Multi-tasked. Because, of course, that’s what mom does. She grabbed her shopping cart, filled it up with stuff and started walking around oh-so-proud, knowing she was doing it just like mom. She kept looking down at her baby and then waving her arms around to show she didn’t have to hold it.

And I melt. I love this mothering business!

Tandem wearing her two babies....yes, I need to make a sling that fits her! She put the sling on all by herself, and even got it on right (as far as, over one shoulder, under the other arm)...I just had to put the babies in and tighten it up. Yeah...and I have issues trying to put it on myself on the opposite shoulder of what I usually do, or help someone else unless I stand behind them.

Designed for Birth

I had a really long recovery (at least, long compared to most others who have had natural births) after Viviana’s birth. We attributed it mostly to pushing for 2 ½ hours, holding her head in a full crown for an hour and being my first birth, which were all large contributing factors. Consequently, I was really excited looking forward to my recovery with Timothy *knowing* it would be much easier/shorter.

It was definitely better. I only pushed for an hour with Timothy, and held his head in a full crown for a few contractions/pushes. But….recovery was still longer than I (and others) expected. It was about 2 weeks before I could start to get around again without getting super sore. It took a good 5+ weeks before I felt pretty much back to normal. Needless to say, I was thankful for all our freezer meals- and those who blessed us with meals!

I was really discouraged at first…healing felt like it was so slow- and so much slower than it was supposed to be. I had a natural water birth, and didn’t tear. My midwife does an awesome job of supporting the perineum. Sure, his head was big, but still….what gave?

Then I noticed, two or so weeks after Timothy was born, that my labia was still really swollen. And my perineum felt pretty good. It was nice to feel like I knew what I needed to target in getting healed, at least. It seemed kind of strange, though, since the perineum is what typically takes the longest to heal, is most likely to tear, etc. So I decided to ask my midwife her opinion, and together we pieced together the “issue”.

I’m probably always going to push a reasonably long time. I’ll probably always have long recoveries. It’s probably always going to be pretty tough on my labia. And I just might always have a hard time getting past the full crown. But now I know what to expect, and what kind of recovery to prepare for, so I’m good.

Basically, my perineum is extremely taught. It just won’t stretch. My midwife, Cindy, said she noticed when I was pushing that Timothy’s head just bulged there, but wouldn’t move. She tried to help the perineum roll back, like it should, but it wouldn’t no matter how much coaxing was given. So I had to push until enough of his head was down past the perineum, and the labia had to do all of the stretching to allow my little man’s head through. No wonder I dislike the pushing phase and find it to be extremely intense! :-)

When we first pieced it all together- Timothy and Vivi’s births and future ones- I was a little discouraged. I believe that the woman’s body is created for birth….so why was mine messed up? Why couldn’t it work like it was supposed to? And then, I started thinking about the beautiful side….about the fact that my body is so awesomely created that the labia can completely compensate for the short-comings of the perineum. Even though I don’t have a perfect body, I have a body that works the way God intended! Which is awesome….My midwife mentioned that I’d never be allowed to deliver naturally at a hospital. Minimally, I’d get an episiotomy for sure, and possibly a c-section. Timothy’s head was sitting on the perineum the whole hour of pushing (and thinking back through how Vivi’s birth felt, I think hers was for most of the pushing phase with her), and Cindy said it wouldn’t have taken long for doctors to rate my body as incompatible with birth, and slice me.*

But I’m not incompatible with birth. I’m fearfully and wonderfully – and as much as can be in an imperfect world – perfectly made. It takes time and effort and plenty of healing, but my body was made for birth. It knows what it’s doing…and left to its own, it’ll do it.

*Not to degrade doctors or hospitals, because I am grateful to have hospitals in the area for any emergency situation we may ever have! But I’m also grateful I’ve been given the opportunity to give birth under the care of someone who fully understands how the female body works, and is willing to work with my body.

My daughter's enthusiasm...

I don’t particularly like grocery shopping. It’s not that I’m absolutely opposed to it- and there are some fun elements (for instance, getting a great deal, or balancing a budget, or shopping with my mom and getting to spend time with her), but…it messes up my day. It sacrifices time that could be spent at home, getting stuff done. And I know that I have no room to talk, considering the stores I use on a regular basis are all within 5 minutes, and typically, I’m there and back (try to keep it to 1-2 stores) within an hour. Milk is a separate trip (also about weekly), currently, and takes 30-45 minutes. I know some of you spend more than that amount added up just in your driving. But anyway…

Once a week, I plan on it happening, and just look forward to having it over with. At least, that used to be the case. I get us ready to go early in the morning, and accomplish various odd-jobs with Vivi till Timothy’s taken his first nap. As soon as he’s up, we bolt and try to be back before he’s exhausted and ready for 2^nd morning nap.

Last time, though, I was really blessed by Vivi’s enthusiasm. She’s always loved grocery shopping (at least, since she was about 6 months old…and especially over the past 9 or so months), or going places with me in general. The older she gets, the more she expresses that. Ben’s offered before that while he’s working at home I could leave Vivi and just take Timothy if I wanted….but that’s definitely not an option; Vivi loves it too much. For some reason, her enthusiasm really struck me on our last trip.

She was pretty sure she knew where we were going when she saw we were going somewhere without daddy. And when I turned the car in the direction of the store, she had no doubts- and she got really excited. She laughed and made excited noises- and if she wasn’t buckled in her seat, she would’ve been dancing. She talked happily and excitedly all the way to the store, while I chatted back about what all she was going to help me get, and so forth. We had so much fun, Vivi and I. We were spending time together doing something that she loves.

And suddenly…I love shopping. I’m looking forward to our next trip and the one after. It isn’t just a hurdle in my morning anymore- it’s an opportunity to spend time with Vivi. A chance to let her know what a big helper she is, as she holds my lists for me, talks to Timothy and does other odd things. It’s also a chance to share with her why we buy what we buy, and how we like to prepare our foods. She anticipates getting to eat certain things when we get home. And, it’s a chance for her to say hi to lots and lots of people (whether or not they say hi back doesn’t daunt her- though she loves it when they do). Viviana soaks it all in, loving every moment of it. Me too.

Since I’ve had the option of leaving Vivi home with Ben, one of the main reasons I’ve opted to always take her with me is the training field- besides that we just aren’t ever separated. I don’t want to someday have to take her and multiple other children with me for some reason, and have them all have no idea how to behave in the store…and thus, be overwhelmed and stressed. Certainly, that’s been an advantage- she is very well behaved in stores, and knows what to expect- but that’s only been a small part. I’m richly blessed with a sweet shopping companion who makes the time enjoyable. And I am so grateful we get to shop together.

*So far, Timothy’s mostly just along for the ride- and I enjoy getting to wear him. We’ve finally turned a curve so that it’s usually a happy curve, since he’s sliding into a beautiful sleep routine, equaling the ability to shop when he’s well-rested. But I smile at the months to come, and wonder what he’ll think of shopping.*

Menu Plan 1/23/2012-1/30/2012

having fun exploring mom's cupboards with daddy....

cute as can be!

Well…here we are at the beginning of a new week already! :-) Last week, Vivi and I ended up doing a ton of “extras” in the kitchen, which was a lot of fun. Ben started student teaching, and with him gone all day, it’s been fun to work out a new routine for the kids and I. So far, something Vivi and I have really enjoyed, is working in the kitchen together. It’s been fun to pass things on to her and teach her as we’re going, too- such as explaining why we wash and soak the beans (a process she loves!). So far, we’ve been spending at least part of both Timothy’s morning naps in the kitchen, making dinner and/or extra stuff. Today we started a sourdough starter- we’ll see if it gets anywhere this week! Otherwise, though, I don’t have too many extras this week…planning to focus more on sewing and housework, but we’ll see. The kitchen’s a very tempting place….

We officially have till Saturday left of the grain fast, but I partially broke mine this past Saturday. I was having some (minor) physical issues towards the end of last week that I wondered if could be caused by diet, so made a batch of soaked tortillas and have eaten some of those. Not sure if that was the issue or not…or sub-products of not eating grains, such as consuming less fats or not getting enough of the right kind of proteins. I still have been limiting my grains since then (about 1 tortilla a day, toasted with butter), to sort of carry out the fast with Ben. I felt like just the week fast had positive results, though- I can’t wait to get back to baking since we have way too many good recipes currently tossed to the way side- but at the same time, I feel like I haven’t been as much of a grain-addict, and after the first several days, started craving them less. I’ve also (currently) lost the desire to eat any yucky grains- store bought breads, white products, white tortillas, etc. We’ll see how long that lasts… :-D The sugar fast is starting to get a bit easier, too- though, again, there’s lots of yummy things I’m looking forward to making again. Especially since Ben’s bringing home fresh milk today. And absolutely nothing beats homemade ice cream….current addictions is lightly sweetened with a small amount of honey, with peanut butter and homemade chocolate chips. Yum!

By the way- the alfredo chicken sauce over broccoli and cauliflower, lightly steamed, was incredible. It will definitely be seeing the table again soon- next time with a side of a hearty bread! We don’t do pasta super often, since it’s something I haven’t really made from scratch (did a few weeks ago for the first time, and hope to again…but it’s time consuming enough that it doesn’t change the factor of not eating pasta often), so I don’t feel very good about preparing it for our family. Plus- it’s not Mexican. Which isn’t a total crime….but it certainly makes it much less necessary. :-D

Anyway, here’s what’s cooking:

Monday- grilled chicken pieces (probably broiled, and from the freezer), oven fries, salad, pineapple

Tuesday- taco salad- new recipe from a Taste of Homes cookbook

Wednesday- Graber’s, green bean salad

Thursday- steak (yes, again- I’m feeling rather uncreative, and there’s a lot of them in the freezer), mashed potatoes, salad, veggie

Friday- White Chili

Saturday- Taco pizza (with sauce from the freezer)

Sunday- Carmichael’s, TBD (Yes, my family’s is usually officially that way- being in on the menu plan and general plans, I usually plan according to what mom is…or help with the meal there…or bring the whole meal….or sometimes we just mooch. I figure it all balances out!)